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I guess I was being friendly in the message; I mean, I did say I'd help him get her to sleep at night, etc. if he felt like he was getting frustrated.

The goal here is to figure this out.

Or not- and just bail. Again.

I was a single mom too and sleep issues are different for each kid.

my question is....if he was coming late and you know your daughter needs specific rituals to sleep, then why didn't you start those rituals without him?

My 2 year old goes to bed by 7 or 7:30...she sometimes cries out at night but we don't go into her unless she cries in earnest...some whimpers won't get us down to her room because she cries in her sleep and if we go down to her, it will actually wake her up.

If you are working 16 hours a day, I would imagine your daughter would miss you...maybe spending some quality snuggle time with her instead of making sure she is in her bed at 7pm sharp might go far toward making her feel secure

Figgeroni,

The quality time helps. I know she misses me and then when her dad isn't here, she misses him.

She went to bed by 8:40 last night (sitter put her down, and I spen 30 mins reading to her, talking to her, looking at stars on the ceiling). She woke back up at 3:30 this time. I got her back down immediately. She woke back up 10 minutes later. got her back down, she was back up again 10 mins later. And then - and this is the part where I flounder b/c it's late, I'm tired (I went to bed at 10:45) I lie next to her and hold her hand. But then she is up saying "mommy mommy" (very quietly) so I got next to her in her bed, but neither of us were comfortable (it's a toddler bed!) and then I pulled her bed closer to mine - held her hand from my bed to hers, but she eventually climbed into my bed. I don't want to cosleep with her. But at this point, I'm going what I can. We tossed and turned for several hours - I massaged her whole body, told her how important sleep is, reminded her we're having a halloween party today and who is coming and how we need to to sleep before they come, and also that everything is okay. Mommy is here, and we're just fine.

Next thing I woke up and it's 10 am! My sitter was already here - my day is getting started late. Ah. This can't go on. At least we got more sleep than the night before. But I really don't want to start bad habits.

exBF still hasn't called or texted.

How do I even handle that with him? Just act like this is normal? I'm trying to be understanding, but ...

I just worry you are using the sleep issues with D as an excuse to not have D stay over at her dads. I mean it seems that both times it was "disaster" in your words and that's a good excuse to just not try it. And I'm sure exbf got an earful from you about it.

I really wonder about how you see co-parenting? is it you make the decisions and he goes along with them? or is it you both come to a decision together? I mean the child psychologist is a good example. Exbf suggested it, but it went no where. Why didn't you take the ball and run with it.

I'm baffled as to how you allowed this sleep problem to go on and on for months, I know that sounds judgmental. But you are just continuing the problem by giving in to her whims night after night.

When my W was working with our oldest son on his sleep training. We decided that he had to learn how to fall asleep without us and in his own bed and stay there. I remember one particular night. She'd did short routine, put him down, said good night and left the room. Of course, he got up. My wife waited outside the door and when he opened up, she took his hand and led him back to bed and didn't look at him or talk to him.
She did this literally 50 or so times. Until he finally stayed put. That was the last time we had any sleep issues with him.

Like DBing, sleep issues take hard work, constant effort, patience and no back sliding. And it can be heart wrentching at times (& i'm not even talking about CIO) And it can be done at different residences.


I will amend my post to Ken. I don't think he suggested that kids set their own bedtime, but upon further reflection he was suggest that the kid can set a reasonable bedtime if you look for the signs. (although, I do note that my 2YO rarely has the "classical signs" but pretty much goes to bed the same time).

LG, sorry if this posts sounds judgmental or harsh. I think you agree that getting the sleep issue resolves is best for both you and her. I won't mention it again.

Harrier, how can you be so sure? Are you sure?

Cause I specifically said that I didn't. I let D's behavior speak for itself, and he was all apologies. She was a veritable wreck.



Is this a question or just something you're wondering? Did you want me to answer?



Because he said he would do it? Should I have done it instead when he didn't?



If it sounds judgmental, it probably is



Yep, that was something we were talking about doing. Together - not one of us staying up to do it while the other disappears without a trace. And right now, I'm doing the best I can given my schedule, which is pretty intense at the moment. So I'll have to think of something else.



Well that's encouraging! That's great to hear. Thanks!! I hope this can be us one day soon.


I will amend my post to Ken. I don't think he suggested that kids set their own bedtime, but upon further reflection he was suggest that the kid can set a reasonable bedtime if you look for the signs. (although, I do note that my 2YO rarely has the "classical signs" but pretty much goes to bed the same time).



Why would you post something that sounds judgemental and harsh and then apologize for it? Maybe don't do it in the first place? Just a suggestion...

Simply sometimes we need people to tell us things we don't want to hear. I'm sorry that I had to do that. (at least I apologize, some people who have given you an earful don't )


BTW I was really asking how you see co-parenting.

Lila -
Did you take her to the potty when she woke up? Or did you get the flashlight and look for pinworms?

I also recommend getting a new-age type sleep cd, one that is specially designed to entrain brainwaves. Play it every night as part of your routine when she goes to bed. Then play it when she wakes up in the middle of the night. Eventually it will cue her to go back to sleep.

Just thinking, LG... putting this out there for you to consider...

Let's say your exBF and everything going on around you is exactly as you perceive... you have a bunch of toxic people in your life that are dragging you down and making your life miserable...

Ask yourself:

+ What do I want in my life?
+ How can I remove myself from these people and their influence?
+ What do I want from this forum and its members if I just want out of this mess?

It would be interesting to read clear, concise answers to the above questions...