TM sorry this is happening to you they say things will get better. I think theyt are right. This guy at my club left his W for another women and today I saw him treating her like crapp. The grass is not greener on the other side. Hang in there God will make it right for us.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
The question is, what are you going to do with this information?
What can I do? Done is done.
When she bombed me with ILYBINILWY on March 7, I panicked, did everything wrong then tried to 180 and give her what she needed.
When she told me she was moving out in August, I thought, "Maybe this is what we both really need - time and space away from each other. It might still be OK."
When I found out OM and his mother were moving in, it looked pretty bleak, but not impossible.
My W having sex with another man while still being married to me? No, I will not play the fool any more.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
Sent W an e-mail last night asking her for available dates to meet with the mediator. She replied that she would have to check her work calendar and get back to me, then said: "I'm sorry for all of the pain I have caused everyone."
I replied: "I know. I'm sorry about everything that led up to this."
W: "Me, too."
M: "It's hard to believe we are here. How did this happen?"
W: "I didn't trust you with my heart, and didn't feel safe to give myself to you."
I wasn't prepared for that, although those were the reasons she gave when she dropped the bomb in March.
I realized she was throwing the burden of problems on me.
M: "I'm sorry you felt that way throughout our marriage. I wish we could have addressed this years ago."
W: "I know."
And that was it. I sat at my desk and stared at the screen, and thought about everything that had happened in the last 8 months. The finality of a divorce is starting to settle in. I do not see any desire on her part to try to work at this, and I cannot subject myself to letting her hurt me any more.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
That [censored] TM... oddly enough, your W and mine must be sharing a mind link. This is exactly what my W has been saying.
But don't take the onus on you. I interpret it as "I couldn't be honest with you about my feelings, and my security issues prevent me from forming a real bond with anyone."
I look at my W... in her first marriage she says she knew the day she got married she would leave him. Then she had an A and left him. In our marriage she says she needed security and to be taken care of so badly when we met that she fought off her true feelings. Whatever. In the end you couldn't be honest with yourself or me, and for that you will have to answer to yourself and our children.
Married 6 together 8 Me:38 W:31 second marriage for both SS12, SD10, S6 Bomb: 9/8/11 (day before our 5 yr ann) W moved out: 2/18/12 D final: 11/12/12 Share S 50/50. Spend as much time as I can with SS & SD
Sorry to hear about this TM. Last night at my group the 2 females talking to me asked about my sitch. I was honest and one of them said "I don't think all of it was your fault. She definetly had something to contribute" that felt good. Hang in there
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Telemark, Man, this is tough regardless of your frame of mind. I'm sorry to hear about this. No wonder you were posting at 4:30 in the morning.
Yes you did have your contribution. You are also more than willing to own up to it. However, this was not 100% your responsiblity. While her words may imply that, she is one who didn't trust. It may be because of the baggage she carries. You also are not the one who quit. She quit. You are here. She is not. You are taking a healthy path of improving yourself. She is on a very unhealthy path. IMO her actions are very much unjustified.
I'll say it again. I'd rather be you than her. You will come out of this a much better person.
The issues that remain are hers. The circus she is in will implode.
Do what you need to do for you.
I copied this from one of your posts a while back. Someday I will use it as a FB status. I think it applies:
"I may not be someone's first choice, but I am a great choice. I may not be rich but I am valuable. I don't pretend to be someone I'm not, because I'm good at being me. I might not be proud of some of the things I've done in the past, but I am proud of who I am today. I may not be perfect but I don't need to be. Take me as I am, or watch me as I walk away."
Forget this drama; spend the next few days focusing on your son. Enable him to be at the appointed place at or before the appointed time.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
Tel, Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. We are both going through some tough times, "times that try mens souls", someday, and that day will come, we will look back at these days, and while never wanting to go through them again, will be better people for them. Hang in there!!
m 54 XW 48 m 12 t 14 bomb 6-11 s 10-11 wife moved to other state 10-21-11 d 9-12
O GOD THY SEA IS SO GREAT AND MY BOAT IS SO SMALL!
