Thank you all for your advise. Yes I am in C for the PTSD it is starting to help me a bit. I have bit of trouble though at work when I see all the new gus coming home in a box instead of walking off the plane and hugging their families like I got to. As far as the W I found out today that she has bought us tickets to the Notre Dame game in two weeks. This is a trip that we take every year. I am excited but scared at the same time. She will do something like that and at the same time be distant. I was so much better when I was distant also but when she asked me if I was done with the marriage I think I screwed up by saying no and that I didn't plan on ever being done. I should have said something different to not give ger the upper hand back..I know she is expecting me to hang out at the house tomorrow night and play with my son but I have made plans to go out instead. I plan om leaving shortly after she gets home from work that will give me at least a few hours with my son who by the way she has told that I was at work and not moved out. I am still a bit upset about lying to him and telling him that that's just what soldiers have to do sometimes...
Well out of the blue I recieved a text this morning from her telling me good luck on my physical fitness test this morning. That was nice I responded with thank you that means alot. and then telling me congrats for passing and doing alot better than the last one. I am reading DB still and it helps. I have even turne d2 other friends onto it. PArt of me wants this to work and the other part is more of "what ever". I hate to feel this way but I think that DBing is good for me but bad for us. I feel that I am starting to be done as she asked last week. I remember that in the begining of all of this she stated that she was scared of when i was ok with all of this and basicly was through with the shell shock. Not sure what that all ment if you dont want me to be ok with all of this then why do it?
After two months I want to start asking questions again as far as where do we stand and where are you at right now but I know that's wrong to do. She keeps sending mixed signals about her possibly regretting this decision which makes me want to ask. I am so lost it messes up the whole DB process
After two months I want to start asking questions again as far as where do we stand and where are you at right now but I know that's wrong to do. Then don't do it. You are getting several positive signs that your DB efforts are helping. Most LBSers would give an arm to hear an ILY from their spouse.
My advice is to be quiet, and to put it more bluntly, shut up. Be patient. 2 months? Really? That seems long to you? Check out my signaure block for a real time frame.
I'm also a veteran myself (if you can't beat 'em, join 'em) and m to a vet, who is now in the Reserves preparing for a deployment - which you and I both know will sukk....lost a brother in Afghanistan and have another one there now.
I get it....but ours is not the first generation to have this occur and to be honest, the 6-7k we've lost is about a day's worth from WWII and a tenth of how many we lost in Vietnam. Yes it still hurts...but get some perspective and realize that people like my fil (3 tours in Vietnam as a Marine) got through it, and though he did have some issues, he doesn't NOW.
If she sees you working on that, who knows? She may decide you are changing back to the man you once were.
What did SHE SAY when she wanted out? What are the issues you are working on in you?
Since the bottom line is that [color:#FF0000] she has to believe m to you can be better and different than before-so
what's different in YOU? [/color] She keeps sending mixed signals about her possibly regretting this decision which makes me want to ask.
This ^^^ is GOOD NEWS. Do not ask. Let her tell you. Sounds like she's trying to...back off and let her come to you.
Why is it that when DBing is clearly working, we want to turn over the apple cart and get it all now!?? Screws us up every time...be patient...way more patient.
Let the process continue to work.
I am so lost it messes up the whole DB process
well...don't let it.
You can do this.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
It was a fri night and she came home from work and said that she didnt want to be married any more that she had been thinking about this for a while now and just doesnt feel like we can go on as a married couple. She kept saying "I love you and I care for you but I dont want to be married to you" she also kept saying that it will be ok because we have a kid together so we will always be best friends and do things together just not as a married couple. I have givin up on trying to figure out what she is really trying to deal with. She made mention of me never protecting her she also said "you never even protected me from you". She also resents me for wanting to have a kid knowing that she didnt want to.
What are the issues you are working on in you?
I am mostly focusing on the PTSD I am in C and have been since Aug. I have started going back to church and I have stopped the heavy drinking everynight. I have been DBing now for two weeks( i know I seen your signature block...LOL) I understand it will take time and I am ok with that I really just need to not see her or talk to her for a good two weeks to be able to handle how she is acting. I am looking for any TDY just to get away for a few weeks.
what's different in YOU? I actually feel like a happier person. Lost 24 pounds in about 3 weeks so I am hitting the gym hard to cut up and start feeling better physicly. I am also getting back into cycleing I miss riding in marathons. They are so peacefull just you and the bike for 50 plus myles to just think and clear your head. I can say that I have stopped mentioning anything that has to do with us working things out. I dont even say I love you unless she does.
how old is your child and what sex and how are they doing with all this?
And what does your w say about the child now? Who gets him/her? Shared custody or does she not go there?
Don't bring it up if she doesn't, I'm just asking you.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
S7 He is being told that I am away at work. He tells everyone that daddy is in the Army and has to go away sometimes.
He stays at the hopuse with her I am staying at my dads house. I get to see him on sat at his soccer games, Sun at church, and mon I take him to soccer practice and to cub scouts.
Like I said before She just bought us tickets to a notre dame game and said thatt she thinks that we need a road trip but I am starting to feel like it is not a good idea but I really want to go to the game we have been going to games every year now for 3 years.
Tonight was horrable I had to go by the house because I left my glasses there yesterday. She was very distant and cold compared to yesterday when she was clingy and huggy. WTF is going I feel like a clay pigeon she tosses me up real lhigh and then blast me out of the sky. I am this close to just jumping on a deployment and getting the hell out of here for a year. I sent some emails out today to a few Sergent Majors and a Colonel to see what my options are. Not sure how I will be able to deal with not seeing my son but part of me would rather leave for a bit than put up with her mind games
Think about your son. I know it's very difficult to keep W out of the picture but do what is best for him and you.
This rollercoaster is tough, I'm on it as well. Just think about him and the time you have together.
I just saw the movie Courageous and speaks directly to dads.
As for the road trip, it is something positive. It will be difficult, I know, to keep a PMA but enjoy it! Just my 2c.
M 38 W 50 S 9, D 6 T 12 M 10 W's 1st EA 4/2007 stopped after confront W's 2nd EA 6/2010 Separated 7/2010 I bomb dropped 7/2010 MC 2/2011 - 3/2011 W bomb dropped 4/2011 Nothing filed or done
Gary - I am new to this same sitch, a WAW. I wish I could tell you that there is an easier way, but I don't think there is. Just stick to the LRT's and DB'ing and if it works great. If not, at least you have been honorable and tried to honor your sacred vows to the wife you love so much. I'm going through this too so I don't say this lightly to you. I wish you the best in this!
Well let's see I have spent the last 2 nights over at the house and it seems to be getting worse and no she is saying that I have not been the same since she told me about the road trip..she is the one who has been acting weird not me but I get blamed for it....WTH
