You're not the only one Hopeful... and my W and I are still together. But still, when my phone rings or I get a text message I still get a thought, is it her? We used to text each other 5-10 times a day probably and call each other at least once if not twice. Now... really, nothing.
I think part of it is that is so instinctive and a trained behavior. Given time you can train yourself to do the opposite.
Married 6 together 8 Me:38 W:31 second marriage for both SS12, SD10, S6 Bomb: 9/8/11 (day before our 5 yr ann) W moved out: 2/18/12 D final: 11/12/12 Share S 50/50. Spend as much time as I can with SS & SD
Had an interesting visit with my H tonight. He called and asked if I would do a favor for him. He wanted me to pick our D up from daycare because he was sick. I said sure but I need her clothes. So after class tonight I stopped by his apartment to pick them up. He gave them to me and asked me to sit down if I am not in a hurry. So I sat down on across from. I thought maybe he wanted to drop the bomb on me, so I was kinda nervous. But it turned out to be a nice conversation about our D, my schooling, him wanting to take classes in January and a little about us. He was nice to me. I haven't seen this in a long time. I really do miss talking to him. When he sitting there talking to me, I wanted so bad to hug him.I Don't worry, I am not reading anything into this.
I did invite him to go with us to a Halloween party Saturday with our D. He said that he will get back with me tomorrow.
That is indication that your detatch is working. Give space! When H engages with you and starts to be nice to you it's going to be tempting to run in and smother him. Be careful! You invited him to a party, remember to take that in baby steps. If he doesn't respond or doesn't show up, don't mention it! Don't let him see that bothers you. You put yourself out there with the invite, be careful here. Sounds like he may be starting to come around, you need to remember not to pursue. Very very hard, against your instinct, but it works! Hang tough!
--Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
Thank you Accuray. He did reply to my text message about the Halloween party on Saturday. He said he was playing golf but he will let me know what time it is over. Trust me, I want him back, therefore, I will not pursue him at all. And if he goes to the Halloween party with us, I will just enjoy us a family and act like a friend only.
Good job Hopeful, you are doing great! I cringed a bit at the invite, better just to mention you are going. I he wants to show up let him suggest it. Remember he is a guy who likes to pursue.
You really are doing very well with this. One thing to expect -- if H does warm up to you, expect him to run hot and cold. This can be very confusing and will hurt if you don't understand. H may "try on" being nice or affectionate, then will catch himself and want to let you know that everything is not ok, and he will retreat or shut off. My W would hold my hand while we were out to dinner, then when we got home she would go sleep on the couch and not talk to me. You will wonder WTF?
Please know that hot and cold is a good sign, expect it and do not react to the cold, just let it roll off you and know it is normal.
Be proud of yourself today!
Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
I dread the weekends. But I do have plans with my D. The weekends are the hardest for me. I miss my H so much I try not to think about him but sometimes it's hard. Will I ever see light at the end of the tunnel? Will he ever come around?
You are doing the only and best thing to do in this situation, nothing else would work so have no regrets. Try not to live minute to minute with your anxiety. Put a date on the calendar a month from now -- focus on it. Know that by the time you get there things will be better. When that day comes, ask what would you be doing if things were even better? Then, start doing those things and it WILL be better. Time will heal.
Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
I invited my husband to a Halloween outing with my daughter and myself. Well he finally called (instead of texting) to see if I was still going. But unfortunately I told him that I was not going because our daughter was not feeling well. He did thank me for inviting him. Also, right before he hung up he said "ok Dear, I will talk to you later." I said okay and he hung up. I am not reading anything into it.
