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Quick Journal.

Came home last night - kissed and hugged the girls, W then said "Where's my kiss"? W watched her TV shows while I watched the Yankee game, she then came and watched a bit of the Yankee game with me and went to bed.

I went to bed at the end of the game and she came over to my side of the bed and snuggled up.

Just adds to the rollercoaster - these mixed messages are doing my head in. Oh well - she's working tonight. I hope to just sleep through the night and not wake up at 3:00 wondering where she is and what she's up to.

Well it's 4:00am.
D9 has woken up 3 different times tonight and I have gone down to tend to her. W is not home again - sure she's withe her divorcee friend in a bar somewhere.

I'll do my best not to say anything in the AM - but how is this fair (I know - what right do I have to expect fairness), I work all week, come home to spend time with family, W works 2 nights a week and doesn't come home until all bars are shut (if she's at a bar) - I'm the one left looking after the girls all weekend because she's too tired and cranky.

I feel like giving up - the lack of respect and caring really gets to me.

W came home at 4:30 and slept in the other room.

She suggested we take the dog for a walk and have a chat.
She told me she can't do this anymore, that she can't sleep in the same bed as me and that she doesn't want to come home because of me - not because she wants to stay out but that she doesn't want to be with me.

She told me that she was going to talk to the L this week and finalize the next steps. She said she warned me that this would happen if I came back - she wanted a seperation and I didn't allow for that to happen and then moved back to bed as if nothing had happened.

I backslid - I told her she was surrounding herself with people who were negetive about our M and that there are more positives to staying together than there are negetives. I reiterated I wanted to give this until the end of the year as "man and wife" with mutual respect and to see what happens then. She said she's been unhappy for years and that there is no point.

I didn't get angry - I didn't get emotional - I guess we now need to start working on the formalities of all of this.

NYC Peter,
My suggestion is that it may be time to check out the MLC forum. That unhappy for years phrase...is a good clue that this isn't a typical WAW.
If you do a search for Cadet and his welcoming posts you'll find a wealth of information.
The MLC for dummies is a laugh/cry document, see if any of it fits.

Thanks QoS - I haven't checked the MLC forum.

She seems set in the direction she wants to go - nothing I do will change her mind. If there were no kids involved I would have left a long time ago. The fact that one of our children has CP and needs constant care and attention make the situation heartbreaking to me. I really cannot fathom why she's willing to try to save this M.

Tried a little GAL today - lunch with friends then afternoon golf. W & girls are away with the in-laws until tomorrow night.

Finding it very hard not thinking about my W visiting the L this week - all so unnecessary (well it is to me). The reality of all of this is going to hit me hard.

NYCP

I don't want to come off a jerk or anything, but what did you think would happen? You W told exactly what would happen if you moved back in? The she appears to be following through

Were you just hoping she'd suddenly have all this respect and call off everything? I mean she's given you mixed signals for sure so I could see.

I'm not saying there's not time, but I think sometimes we get upset because people don't behave the way we want them to. In this case, your W is behaving exactly as she should, exactly as she said. I wouldn't get hung up on this.

You still have time.

I of course thought she was bluffing and that she saw me as the sweet wonderful person I am :-)

Definitely mixed signals - I'm not going to mention it until I receive any paperwork and even then it'll be in a business like manner.

Not sure how sharing a bed will work, I think she'll either move to spare room or ask me to.

I may have time - but once filed it would seem like another barrier to reconciliation.

Bad day yesterday.

W came home from in-laws yesterday. We had a pleasant family meal and I read the girls stories and put them to bed.

W initiated conversation after dinner and I backslid big time - I can't remember too much, but it was along the lines of :
W - I hope you realize why I need to do this
M - I really don't, we can have a great life and it's all so fixable with a little effort
W - I've tried, but it's not working
M - I can't believe that we're going to break up our family and that I am being turned into a part-time dad
W - The girls will be ok, we'll be ok
M - I want better than ok, I want great (read that on someone else's post here).
W - Well my mind is made up, I am done.
M - Why? from every perspective this will be worse for all of us, financially, emotionally and the girls well-being.
W - I need to find myself, I can't do that with you.
M - I don't know what that means, can you explain.
W - I need to be honest with myself, I feel like I am acting by wanting to be around you.
M - Let's give this a little more time and not be rash
W - I am out of time

She went up to bed, I stayed downstairs and went to bed much later. When I climbed into bed, she said goodnight and turned her back on me.

I should have ended the R talk and just validated everything she said, I did not raise my voice or get upset - but I truly do not understand what she needs to find in herself and why she can't do that as a family.

Peter I have been following your stich for a while. You are doing a great job at pushing your W further away. You have to follow the program. I know it is hard and we will make mistakes so don't beat yourself up. Stop reasoning with her when she brings up R talk just listen and validate. hang in there