Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers WAW in Los Angeles

Hi Sandi and GB

Thanks for checking in.

I made a post yesterday, but it didn't seem to make it.

I'm keeping myself busy and GAL. There are up and downs and it's particular tough sometimes being in the house alone. But I rally and keep moving on.

My WAW went sky diving, exploring restaurants, and enjoying her freedom. We have no contact whatsoever and when I do reach out to her (e.g., text regarding something practical with the house), she's terse and obviously not engaged. It'll be interesting to see how we work on the logistics of the D, as we have no communication.

I'm seeing an IC. During the sessions, they suggest communicating with my WAW when I feel it...to not accept my W terms of interaction. Counter to the 180, they don't view this as pursuing.

I've been fighting any urge to reach out to my W, so today's session with my IC was confusing. As I wrestle with what's "right/wrong", I get so frustrated with the whole situation, unable to believe sometimes the current situation.

In these moments, I take a deep breath and soldier on.

^

There are a lot of counselors out there and you will get confused if they do not paralleled with DB techniques. If your W does not want to interact with you, do you think it would be pursuing to do so anyway?

Your w is seriously in mid life crisis. Keep GALing for yourself. I know it's not what you want to hear, but you need to do this for yourself. My opinion is to go dark, completely. My theory is that the more logical the WAW the more she had to do some major convincing to allow herself to do the illogical things a WAW does. Which means that it may be a long time if ever before she snaps out of it. Keep your chin up and do things for yourself. If she comes back around, you'll be ready.

S2 and GB90:

Thanks for regularly responding...very much appreciated.

S2...I apologize, I don't understand your question? I believe if I reach out to my wife, she would see it as pursuing, since I'm not respecting her wishes.

GB90...I concur with your read. When we've communicated, it's clear that my WAW has done major convincing/rationalization on her part with no deep thought into the practical/financial issues.

My WAW called me yesterday. She asked about practical things (e.g., a friend of hers is doing some contracting work on the house), no discussion about D settlement. She wanted to know my Mother's Day plans, since was under the impression that my mother didn't know yet about the D. After she served me, we waited to tell my mom since she was undergoing a surgical procedure. Since my WAW has been busy with her new life, I went ahead and told my mom on my own. Upon hearing the news, my WAW said "why didn't you tell me, so I didn't have to think about telling your mom?"

I take this as my WAW is still on her timeline/checklist with no emotions and as you mentioned GB90...just need to keep going with GALing. And when WAW gets back to me about the D settlement, will deal then.

I've been doing a lot of self-improvement reading. I know that whatever happens, I'll be able to apply the insights I've learned. It's just sad that I don't have the opp to apply in my M, at least for the near future.

Wawinla

Don't know your personality, but I do know how my Asian parents raised me. Did you ever feel growing up as if you had to always please them? Ever have issues of not feeling good enough? Did you have a need of approval from your parents and then later on from your wife?

Did you ever feel like you had to appease your wife, or felt like walking on eggshells? (Especially after she switched jobs)

Did you ever find yourself agreeing with your wife on things you didn't want just to keep the peace?

Do you have many male friends? Do you hang out regularly with them?

Would you consider yourself a man's man? Or do you feel like you are just owned by the "man"?

Have your GAL activities been exciting, refreshing, maybe even a little risky?

I ask these questions because a very wise older gentlemen recently asked me the same questions. You don't have to respond to them, but depending on your answers you might be a Mr. Nice Guy. The type of person that thinks that by working hard to please others (and neglecting themselves), other people will give them the love and support they need. In reality these type of guys get walked all over, are abused, and never get back what they invest. I mention all of this because currently I am what you call a recovering nice guy. The gentleman suggested a book "No more Mr Nice Guy" by Dr Robert A. Glover. It is truly eye opening, and sheds some light on why so many women go WAW on seemingly nice hard working guys. The gentlemen I am referring to goes by the name of Young at heart here. I'm telling you if the above questions sound like you, this book will change your life.

One last thing exploit that blog to the max! Post pictures of you doing fun stuff, and always smiling! Especially pictures of you with friends, (to include new ones she has never met). If she is reading it she will notice. No more sad posts! Only good things from now on!

GB:

Thanks for the advice and suggestion...just picked up a copy of the book.

Yes, you could call me a "Mr. Nice Guy". As you mentioned, "nice guys finish last" quote is true despite what many think.

I'm getting better with GAL...definitely moving forward. Once I secure my new gig (which is getting close), I know I'll be pushing forward.

Appreciate the support again and will post my thoughts after reading the book.

Enjoy the weekend!

Glad to hear you got the book
Let me know what you think, it fit me like a glove, it can be very eye opening.

Wow, it looks like WAW's have a genetic link to say the same things. wawinla, I am sorry you are in this mess. These forums serve as a refuge for you to find yourself.

My wife said the same exact things, especially about being the 'giver'.

My WAH said many of the same things; its not limited to WAW! I swear they must have a website that they can pull all of the 'correct' line to feed us LBS.

Stay strong, GAL, 180s and time. Its all we can do.