It sounds like you are starting to see that there is life off the crazy train. That's good!
I remember one of the things that helped me step off the roller coaster the first time my H left me was when I realized how flippin' crazy he had become!!! And not in a sour grapes "If he doesn't want me, he must be crazy" sort of way.. actually "not playing with a full deck of cards" nutso.
When I told H that I had contracted an STI from his OW#1 (chlamydia), he told me there was no way that was possible because he had not been sexually active with OW#1 yet. (Of course, that wasn't true.. as he admitted years later.) I told him that I had never had any sexual partners but him so there was no way that my STI hadn't come from him via OW#1. Nope.. H would not accept it. Said OW#1 was an angel and was not infected. (OW#1 had a bad reputation years before H ever met her.) Then he told me that I must have gotten the STI from the hospital (because that place is full of germs, he said) when I had our daughter.
I stared at him... and realized with dawning horror that he believed every word of nonsense that was coming out of his mouth.
That night I realized my H was on a crazy train and I was riding in the caboose. That night I got off the crazy train.
Your W, dear friend... is not herself. She might come back.. she might never come back. We can't tell the future. But she is riding a crazy train right now and you can't ride on that train with her... it's destroying you!
Keep your head high. GAL. Find out your rights on how to obtain more time with your son. In every way possible, every day.. even if it's in little ways... move forward.
Also, I know we're supposed to remain anonymous but darn it.. I'd love to find you on FB and trade pictures of our kids. But private messaging here is disabled. Would you be interested in connecting on FB (I could set up a dummy email account you could reach me at) or would you prefer to remain anonymous? Both the former and the latter are okay with me.. I won't be hurt in either case.
i know - i'd love to connect on fb -- they say any attempts to do so here lead to moderation and banning, so i don't blatantly divulge anything. I've been trying to find clues to contact others from here in the alternate universe of fb.
I'm also trying to think of ways to give clues that won't get me in trouble. Like an IS fb account or something? I totally get their POV on that.
Me (f): 45 W(f) 35 T: 13 y C: S4 adopted at birth 6-18-11 bomb: I want to break up 8-28-11 OW confirmed
Lucky, like I've said before I'm thinking of you too. Believe me, you're a real person, not just a message board cardboard cutout. I feel for you so much. Thank you for your support also.
Yes, I'm trying my damnd@st to step back from the crazy train. I think my moment of lucidity was in the past couple of days when W said that I hadn't paid half the house for the past 6 years.... WHAT? that is just a blatant LIE and one that is provable.
Then she throws the selfish thing at me after my hearing for so long that I try too hard. Excuse me, but selfish = trying too hard? Hmmmm....I missed that memo.
I look at her and i see the sweetheart i once knew. But then she opens her mouth and morphs into this f'in alien I don't recognize. I really do think it will be better in some ways when she is physically gone from my presence. I get that. But I am grieving for my lost W and the lost love.
Hugs as always my friend Lucky -- sisters in the $hit!! LOL
Me (f): 45 W(f) 35 T: 13 y C: S4 adopted at birth 6-18-11 bomb: I want to break up 8-28-11 OW confirmed
I feel so bad for your sitch, especially regarding your S. Just wanted you to know I'm pulling for you, and I hope you find the answers you're looking for.
thanks so much romb. It's a hard sitch. People just don't always take into account that we are actual families -- even without the legalities. I've had my S since he was 12 hours old, exactly like my W --- and as i've said, i'm the primary caregiver...
She is quick to quote the law when it applies to something that benefits her --- know what i mean???
Hearing that you are thinking about me really does mean alot. I'm thinking of you as well, and following your sitch too. Thank you, truly from my heart.
Me (f): 45 W(f) 35 T: 13 y C: S4 adopted at birth 6-18-11 bomb: I want to break up 8-28-11 OW confirmed
Shock, Sorry I haven't had time to post. Been super busy with work and life. I also don't tend to post alot to other threads when I'm super emotional. I feel I'm not very helpful when I am in that state of mind.
Anyway, I agree with alot of what has been said. You need to see a L. I didn't think I had as many rights as I do until I talked to one. Realize that you are not moving closer to D or farther from M by seeing one. You are protecting you and your son. You are doing this because from this moment on.. no one else will.
Your w isn't t the first spouse on this board to threaten to take away the children from the LBS. There are a few people on this board that are struggling with this also. This is not to say that your threat is not greater (because in all honesty, we don't have all the same rights) only that no matter if you are in a gay relationship or a straight relationship.. the craziness is still kinda the same. I encourage you to reach out to those peeps. (LITB comes to mind). Your w is spewing anger and fear, hopefully that is all it is.
Your w hasn't moved out yet. I would recommend digging deep within yourself to see how you want to handle the situation should you move towards S. Think about the woman you want to be in all this. When this is all over, no matter the outcome, if the Shock a year from now looks back would she think.. "I handled that the best I could, I can hold my head high".
When you figure out who that SHOCK is, hold tight to her. Your w will test, provoke, anger, and do a range of other things that will push you to the limit. Remember who you want to be, let that be your guide and your focus. This is your life, your story, you can choose how to live it, you can choose your happy ending!
More to come soon. Hang in there woman. I'll be praying for you.
((()))
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
you are getting good advice and I can tell you are getting your strength levels up too.
Despite my previously posted replies about what to do with marital revisions
if it's a bold faced PROVABLE lie, and it matters, you can say "w, NOW your rationalizations have gone beyond the pale b/c THAT statement is simply not true, and I can prove it."
THEN DROP IT and leave the area.
Let HER follow you with her "evidence" if she has it and
(apologize profusely if you are mistaken - so be damn sure you are not wrong)
you can listen and try hard to see if the other "sorry you feel that way" statements...apply.
Does that make sense?
I mean, At least you won't feel like you are participating in the hallucination.
keep on keeping on Shock you ARE getting to the other side, I promise.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
i know - i'd love to connect on fb -- they say any attempts to do so here lead to moderation and banning, so i don't blatantly divulge anything. I've been trying to find clues to contact others from here in the alternate universe of fb.
I'm also trying to think of ways to give clues that won't get me in trouble. Like an IS fb account or something? I totally get their POV on that.
Ah.. *nods* I see. If we try and contact each other in RL we might get in trouble. That's okay.. I accept the rules. I don't want to get banned from this wonderful group.
