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Journaling (Again)

I called D14 on Monday eve, to find both kids were staying at some MF over night as W had to be somewhere for work early then next morning miles away. I think W was making a point as she didn’t ask me to have them. Then S12 stayed another night, so W only had S12 for 2 nights this week, hardly a chance to try and build relationships with him and make him feel more at ease at W’s place after the previous issues.

On Thursday I received a text from D14, as follows:

“I am so glad I am staying at yours this weekend. I’ve had enough of mum. Seriously, she has been embarrassing me in front of my friends for the last 2 days, and swore at me when I did nothing wrong. God she needs to sort herself out cuz otherwise I ain’t staying with her! x!

I sent I nice reply telling her how much I loved her and that she can stay hear whenever she wants. Didn’t know if it’s a typical teenager thing to start with, but had a long chat with her on Friday and she is OK. W had been going on again that people (or I) were making her out to be the bad person, and even said do D14 that I had been “brainwashing them”!!!! D14 told W that she can make her own decisions!

I explained to D14 that I could tell her/them a lot more, but I choose not to, to try and be the stable person through all this for them, and will not run their mum down. (I hadn’t actually said anything to the kids, plus, I hadn’t seen them all week either, and I haven’t spoken to our MF’s, well her friends for 6 weeks or so now, so don’t know how that one works!!!!)

D14 said W had been going on about money again, and that I have more than her and she is skint, so I calmly pointed out to D14 that W is away on a hen weekend which would most likely cost around £400-£500 all in, to which D14 sad, well she has money then, but chooses to spend it on herself, and not us!!!!! I let D14 come to this conclusion and didn’t say anything.

I also explained to her that I have to pay all the house bills on my own how, even W’s share of the mortgage, so I have less money, but the spare I do have I use for us to do things. D14 also asked if W has all the child benefit, which I told her the truth, yes, D14 said that wasn’t fair also, but I said I don’t mind.

So again, it seems that W is coming out with the negatives to justify what has happened, and playing the “poor me” card with regard to money. D14 isn’t stupid though!!!!

I told both kids that I no longer what to hear about W, only if it concerns them.

I had the kids from Friday eve, but had plans, so D14 stayed at her friends, and S12 at my parents. D14 said W called, asked how I was as usual and where I was, and D14 explained to W where they were and that I had gone out but didn’t know where, LOL.

When to see Harry Potter yesterday with S12 (not as good as the book, and a little disappointed) then they both had a friend stay over and we had pizza etc, and played games, so usual fun.

All in all then

A better, more positive week …..

180’s, GAL and learning still going on well, obsessing a lot less

I have accepted that W doesn’t want to work on a R, so clear in my head now and the direction I am going

As LP said, no more wondering and worrying after the info I was getting, esp from D14, still makes me think from time to time though tbh, but now its, hmmmm whatever

(Still think W is potentially having a MLC, but that’s just a label IMO, and doesn’t affect how I more forward)

Moving on now


If W wants back in, then well IDK, serious talks would be needed


Thinking now about boxing the remainder of W’s things up (although not too much left around here)

Journaling (feel I need to)

I feel IDK, Stuck!!!!



Detaching is not too much of a problem, its just, well IDK, W is constantly in my head........

I don't think of what she is up to etc etc etc, or will she contact me, its just the constant thinking of my situation.

Last week was OK and had a good Sat, went to the races with friends, then out on the town in the evening, really good day (and a couple of winners at the races).

But

Bumped into W's longest friend (who she hasn't spoken to for a few months!!), so started to talk about W, and TBH I am getting fed up with talking about her now, but it just seems to happen. Even friend is fed up with W, and was saying how selfish W was, and always wanted her own way, and how to get it.

Later in the eve was talking to another woman, who also, it turns out knows W (not well though)...... She said to me that W was seeing someone from seeing things on FB, but firstly it didn't get to me, so shows I am more detached, secondly this woman was all over me and was quite clear she wanted something else, but I was not interested, and was complimenting myself when I got home that I didn't go there.....

My moral compass is still working well


Don't think W would post this sort of thing on FB, as the kids would see it, plus her oldest friend would have told me.

So have been thinking, does this change anything........

if true, that's it for me, and I will initiate proceedings, IDK if that would be to try and wake her up, need to think, as I said this would be THE deal breaker for me.


Always down after a heavy day drinking (hangover) so glad I only do it every couple of weeks. Moped around a lot yesterday (didn't even watch the football, which is not like me!) and really missed my kids. As we swapped weekends last weekend I have got the bad end of things as now I have to go a week and a half before they are with me again, and I don't like it, so will not offer to swap again, not to be nasty or anything, but for me.

I miss my kids


Got a text from W at 10.30am on Sunday (as W would have seen the pics on FB her friend took, and knew I was out) just asking if I was OK, and that the party she was going to on Friday had been cancelled so didn't need to swap.. So that was the first contact in 2 weeks from W, and the first time it wasn't about the kids, or mixing other things into kids communication.

Rope was dropped two weeks ago after our lengthy R conversation, and this will continue.

Part of me thinks W only sent this to say "hello, I'm still here" After knowing I was out, as she didn't need to send it then, or at all ATM, but TBH, I now don't read so much into things

I haven't replied, and don't intent to, I need to stay dark for me. I may even tell her on her next email that whilst W chooses to pursue separation and move on I do not want to speak to her at all. I need to great stronger still.


180's are still in place, and are working well (I am sticking to my morals and beliefs also)

GAL stuff with the kids is still good (could be a little better) might look to take them away somewhere in the holidays, but still feels strange without W, so don't think I am ready yet. Might be good for the kids though, well and me actually......

GAL stuff for me - OK, but again could be better. My main GAL stuff is currently socialising after this was neglected in the M, and going out. I need to look at some other stuff.

Fed up with the rollercoaster still, 70% of the time I feel great, but then have the other side, especially on Mondays for some reason. Just feel down at the moment, and need to snap out of it.

Got lots of compliments on sat from friends I hadn't seen for a while on how good I am looking now, and again from a few women at work this morning, so that helps....

W must be a fool, LOL

Your post is showing you are still attached... I'm sure we all are, to some degree...

Still, it sounds you are doing well enough... in my books...

I'm guessing you are going to snoop, since this claim by a W that doesn't know your W so well suggesting your W might have OM...

Just to think about this... are you ready for the consequences?

And this bit about thinking about your W so much... how's that working for you?

What is happening in your life that is allowing you to dedicate so much thought on your W?

Otherwise, seems your being well! Keep moving forward!

I know I am, still, after 3 bloody months!!!, but I feel its getting better



Thanks Kaffe, always appreciated

Picked myself up this evening and got off my arse.....

Cleaned the kitchen, dining room, hall and lounge. Now time to relax with a film.

Tomorrow.............. The upstairs LOL

Wednesday, England V Holland LOL
Thursday, Friend Bday, so out for a curry
Friday, Poker night at other friends (No drinking as will drive)
Sat, Maybe go out again, but plan DIY for the Sunday



I havent snooped, and dont plan too...... I think maybe this OW had another agenda LOL

Seriously though, what good would snooping do me, closure, dealbreaker? not going to do it, if it is true it will come out in the wash, then I will address it accordingly

I just got off the phone to my friend I was out with, and actually said to him I was proud of conducting myself this way (i.e. not getting involved) and that I have morals and beliefs which I will stick too, and two wrongs (if W has OM) dont make a right. I also said I know mates encourage this and what to see you "move on" but thats not me, if something happens it will, but I wont force things. He actually said fair play



Work is quiet ATM, it goes from one extreme to the other, week before last was busy, so not too bad, last week quiet, things will be busy again for the next week or two, so this is good.

Plus I always seem to be on a "downer" after a night out, I think its an age thing LOL. I know how I will be the day before but I still fail to think of something to counter it, plus I dont have the kids. RIGHT, next time some DIY (as I wont risk driving the next day)



Thanks as aways

Actually been thinking tonight that, whilst I love my W, OUR needs were not being met by the other, so unless this could change (I know I can) its not for me........

Head, please tell heart this ^^^^^^^^^^

OK... as your mate said, fair play...

You sound good...

Got your money on Holland, do you? lol

Just a thought, when you know that you're going to have down time at work... can you find some work project that you can wrap your mind around...? Some "special project" that you can do to keep you occupied...?

Your mind is smart, but the heart is... well... has a mind of its own...

Wrap that puppy in a little, ornate box and put it way up on the shelf beside the box of hope...

what you think about becomes a habit.

if you constantly think of your situation, then this becomes the thoughts that occur when you mentally relax. you can be completely engrossed thinking of something else, but when there's a mental lull your mind will default to the habitual thought - which for now is your situation.

part of a PMA or GALing is to also replace your habitual thought, and i've found this to be tougher than anything physical. its a constant battle in my mind, i have to forcefully get myself to change my thoughts.

i've found that i need another go-to thought, so when i recognize i'm thinking of the situation, i immediately force myself to think of something else. try to make those thoughts my habitual thought.

Journaling

I received an email from W yesterday asking if I got her text on Sunday (saying her party was cancelled on Fri, so didn't need to swap the kids) and asking how's things.

I have just replied with

Yes, I got your message

But I understand it doesn't matter anyhow as I am told S12 is at MF's again, and over the weekend as you are away for "work"


So it "looks" like W may have OM as suggested to me last weekend.

Not sure what this means to me ATM


I have been reading a bit on MLC and W fits the bill, especially how W treated me prior to bomb drop, how W was when she moved out, and what she is doing now.

I said to her a couple of months ago that I would be her H but not her friend, esp now so........

I am looking to send an email or text saying

"While you are choosing this separation and too move on I will not be your friend outside of marriage. My wife is my friend, when you choose to be that person again, we will be friends"

I am also thinking about drafting something up regarding potential OM, plus being around my kids, but not sure on that one just yet, any suggestions?

Actually

I set a boundry back in june saying if either of us started to see OP then that would be the final nail....

So I feel I have to go through with this.

I am a man of my word, otherwise it means nothing.....

This is what I "would like" to say/send

I said to you back in June that if either of us started to see someone else then that would be the final nail. As I have said throughout, it all about choice and our chosen actions. Choices have been made which we must stand by and be happy with.

To this end, please can you collect the remainder of your things by the end of the month. In addition, you will be receiving some literature over the next few weeks which I would appreciate you looking over.

I have conducted myself in a manner over these last few months, of which I am proud, fitting in with my morals and beliefs.

I hoped you would also learn and grow from this, but I don't think you will, at least not till you reach the end of the tunnel.

I sincerely hope you find what you are looking for, even if you know or not what that is..

Karma

I just about sent my W "additional information" about finishing with the financials... I wrote it... then deleted it...

Glad you wrote the above for your own well being... now store it with the rest of those emails and texts and phone conversations that you didn't send and have with your W...

and be a man of more actions, less words...