I have noticed that working with SBHSAM on a home project does a lot to bring us closer. We get to see something come together that will last; it makes us feel like we are building on the future because why else would we be doing it?
Also, you mentioned something about how you cannot tell "when times were better." Instead of thinking about if times were ever better, think about what you were doing when you felt that you were making progress; both as an individual who was regaining self confidence after being hurt so terribly, and as a couple where the goals were the same: save the M. It's not a step back...think of it as reiteration or reinforcing what you have already accomplished.
Please be proud of all you have done!! Get that PMA back up, young lady!
Finally, go do something for yourself. Take a break, post haste. Go visit someone you haven't seen in a while. Be kind to yourself and take care of you! Okay?
Alas, both CJ and I are sick with colds again...can no longer pretend it's the dust or fresh paint. I'm coughing my butt off and running a temp..
We just got over a 3 week cold!
So no further house work today (aside from picking up and rehanging our living room draperies).
Of further interest: I had a doctor's app't yesterday to renew some Rx's, book my kidney follow up, get the gallbladder ultrasound booked etc. CJ asked if he could come in with me and ask our Doc for a....
Testosterone test!!!
He actually has to make his own app't...had I known I would have booked two back to back!
Then today while watching Oprah (sex survey results) I assumed he was working (on another resume) but near the end of the show (while she was interviewing the couple who never have sex...and how a sex-spa retreat turned that around ) he found the black leather riding crop we got from D and H for our 10th anniv and gave me a playful swat. (it was unearthed when we cleaned the livingroom)
Of course I grabbed it and gave him a few on the butt...silly and small, but nice.
Drank water most of the night last night while visitng at D and H's...CJ had beer.
This morning I stayed in bed about 2-3 hours after I woke, drifting lightly and meditating on healing, immune system cells fighting off this bug...
I think it helped as CJ is much sicker than I am now...his temp spiked up to 101.7 a while back! He's sleeping now so hopefully he'll feel better tomorrow.
Now as for the "cure" I DID have a couple of glasses (tiny ones, fancy old glass) of wine before we left... so who knows?
Of further interest: I had a doctor's app't yesterday to renew some Rx's, book my kidney follow up, get the gallbladder ultrasound booked etc. CJ asked if he could come in with me and ask our Doc for a....
Testosterone test!!!
Wonderful news!!
I'm glad you are feeling better, but sorry that CJ is feeling worse!
I hope that you and CJ start feeling better soon...sounds like ya'all live in the "bug" belt up there!
Glad to hear that CJ has inquired about the tests on his own too. Men are TOO sensitive when it comes to "that", someitmes i wish ALL their preconceptions would just fall by the wayside
Hugz, Zoo
"If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm."
- Mahatma Gandhi
Well it just seems our year for "bugs"...strange, you'd think LAST year would have been the one!
Well today was interesting...
CJ was BURNING UP during the night...he's usually the cold one...so I got the thermometer and his temp was up to 102.5!!!
So I fetched him some advil and snuggled through the morning with him.
H called at around 1 p.m. so I grabbed it and chatted with her while I made up some tuna salad to have with chicken soup for lunch.
While on the phone I noticed that CJ had made it back to the couch. It had been about 4 hours since his advil, so I wanted to check his temp again (not too sure how high is too high for an adult).
Well he was groggy, eyes shut and when I asked him to put the thermometer in his mouth, he mumbled a negative response.
Now here I imagine (can't recall exactly) I mimicked his mumble and persisted with the temp reading.
WELL...he threw the thermometer on the floor and told me to quite bugging him...that I had MOCKED him.
I was rather floored by this outburst and got off the phone quickly.
It turned into an argument...he said "you mocked me!"...very upset and angry.
I felt he was just dazed and feverish so I said I'm sorry...but I really did NOT intend to mock him....I was trying to take CARE of him!!!
So I just left him alone, did my own thing, went out for a while (picked up that awesome book I posted about).
We got back into it later on...no resolution...
THEN I got to a place in the book which reminded me of the basic "rules of arguing"...in which the KEY is "I" statements.
BINGO!!
So I went into the living room and asked CJ if I could share something about our argument. He assented.
I said "CJ, I think we both need to work on using more "I" statements when we communicate...this morning had you said: 'When you mimicked the way I mumbled, I felt mocked'...I would have NO recourse but to validate that and apologize.
On the other hand when you said "YOU mocked me"...it put me on immediate defensive, and I felt that my intention (to care for him) was nullified as were my previous caring behaviours.
I try so hard with the "I" statements myself. It is something that has stuck with me from reading DR.
I have run into some problems with it though. It might just be my particular H ?
When I use them to tell H how I feel about something he often accuses me of obsessing or dwelling on things too much. The same goes when I tell him I don't understand something or try to explain my perceptions at times.
An example would be:
I don't understand? I ask if I am bothering you out of politeness and I am told "there you go again."?
I have aslo found too many I statements will often get me labeled as a "typical female"
He is under the impression /making the assumption that my I statements are self-centered? That I am more concerned with me then anything else?
I still haven't figured that one out. It is hard sometimes to find a middle ground I guess.
At least it got you through a snafu with CJ though
Grumpy, sick men....ugh!
Hugz, Zoo
"If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm."
- Mahatma Gandhi
) he found the black leather riding crop we got from D and H for our 10th anniv and gave me a playful swat. (it was unearthed when we cleaned the livingroom)
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