Just saying hi. Ya know, whether he fesses up or not, he CAN'T be happy with the state of your sex life. Do you think books will help, or shouldn't he be talking to Dr. and maybe a specialist (urologist?) about this.
Aren't bears suppose to hibernate this time of season? Maybe that's why you're feelin' blasé? Actually, I don't know how you do it up there? ... must be part polar bear to put up with these kind of winters. Could you act a bit "bearish" and nuzzle nose to nose with CJ?
OK ... I'll lay-off the bear metaphors.
Shiny, you might just have to plan a day to do something for yourself to break the "rut". I'm planning to go out of state this weekend coming up. I had asked CAW is she would like to make a whole weekend out of it, but she declined. So I'm gonna still make a daytrip out of it for myself. Actually, I'm really lookin' forward to it.
I also now keep track of the minutes each day gets longer than the day before. A varition of monitoring how today is better than yesterday! & it does help with my PMA.
I was thinking of a small getaway by myself if nothing else comes to pass...much easier to have one of us here with the cats....
Tal, I've asked CJ to persist on the medical end of things...at least a testosterone test? But that was all before the bombs...he really resented the pressure/control.
But JEEZ, you're right, KAW how can he possibly be happy about this?
I’ve been feeling restless, overworked, and NEEDING a vacation. As I expected (but had hoped otherwise) CJ’s promise to plan a trip for our Feb break has come to naught. It’s just the same old disappointments all over again. ...promises that fall through.
I’m also frustrated by CJ’s activities around the house. It seems I’m doing the lion’s share of the cleaning, cooking, etc. and he hasn’t had his computer for over a week. (A stress to be sure, but COME ON!!).
Weirdness:
Having dinner the other night, over a bottle of wine CJ proposes a toast to us…to “continued bliss”…Huh? Is he living in a different marriage than I am???
More Weirdness:
H (my best pal) called on Friday, we heard her message asking me to go shopping with her on Sat. I was too tired to pick up but she called back later when CJ was out picking up some Chinese food.
He asked if we were going shopping, I said “No, H wants to drive up to N” (her home town about an hours drive north of us).
I found my cell phone had run low so plugged it in to charge, I checked the weather station for road conditions.
Somehow, these weren’t enough clues that I was going along for the trip. Finally he asked if I was going and I said yes, I’d planned on it.
CJ was frosty for the rest of the night, frosty in the morning. H came to get me, just as I’m leaving CJ is moping. I asked him why he didn’t wish us a good time…he said I should have “discussed” this day trip with him first.
I’m torn about this. Yes, I COULD have been more upfront and just SAID “I am going with her, is that okay?”
But that felt like asking permission. Do I really need to do that to spend a day with my friend? Did he ask my permission or “discuss” his numerous “business trips” to see the OW???
And if we don’t want to go back quite that far…this summer he went golfing with D (H’s H)…came home 4 hours later than he’d estimated, tipsy. I just asked him if he had fun. (sincerely).
I tried to make amends when H left. Said I didn’t intend to just make plans and exclude him and that I should have been more upfront…but he was still chilly. I invited him to join me in bed in the morning to escape the sunlight…nope. Nothing, more chilliness.
I am SICK of this. I am sick of this house with it’s never-ending upkeep. I am SICK of our basement which now has MORE garbage and beer cases than ever. I am SICK of working my ass off with no break. I am SICK of having a husband who isn’t attracted to me and doesn’t seem to care.
I keep thinking back to last Valentine’s day…how I went out and bought sexy outfits for us both, gifts and a card for CJ. How he made dinner, we danced, drank wine, had fun (but no sex that night either). How I went the extra mile last year when I was still on shaky ground. (No gifts from him).
How 11 days later I got the FINAL call from OW revealing that the A was STILL ongoing.
I have not even bought a card for CJ this year. I don’t have the motivation. He is not my lover…I don’t think Hallmark covers our situation. Do I expect anything from him? No. Especially not now with this latest “issue”.
I just want that day to go away. Maybe I’ll just go away.
Sorry for the rant, folks, but I just had to get it out.
Ah, SB, quite a powerful rant. I'm sorry that things at this moment aren't as you had hoped..
Let me ask you this..
What's different NOW from when things DID feel good? From when it seemed as though you guys were on the "righter" track...when you felt more satisfied?
Have things shifted a bit in the relative quiet of post-piecing piecing? (you know what I mean?) Are you guys spending less time/effort together ( a BIG one for us)...something else?
My 2 cents? Well..rant away of course but then perhaps a pulling out of DB?
Or maybe less time consuming...how about a big time 180? Tal's thread of late has reminded me that we do need to keep zigging and zagging.
Sending you, well, warm thoughts and hugs (and stamina!)
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
well here I come by to see if you're still shining and find you feeling like you need a new bulb.
there are ups and there are downs what we cannot allow ourselves to do is to look back and make comparisons to what was vs what is (unless of course it's productive)
sounds like your once again overwhelmed with the house...what happend the last time cj suddenly started to clear out the basement? what actions or inactions or attitude changes did you make that may have effected his actions?
Sage..sending hugs and prayers..you sound tired..you deserve a break away for just you...
Don't ever apologize for coming here..I know, I did it alot, but this is the place to let it out..to restore your spirit..to find some reasoning why this all is happening...and along the way a great way to meet some wonderful friends..
Hard questions. What was different when things were "better"?
I can't really remember. When were things "better"? Last summer? Perhaps we'd ML within recent memory?
It's not so much what's happening as what's not. It's more my internal dissatisfactions (loooooong standing) than anything else.
About the basement....last time CJ put a real dent in that was perhaps right after bomb #2 when I said at minimum the basement would have to be cleared out before he sailed away into the sunset with OW.
I've mentioned that CJ is sensitive, right? Right after my last post as I was clearing up some recyclables (one of CJ's "jobs" which by the dates on the flyers hadn't been done since December) he said "I'll clean the house tomorrow".
(Which means the main floor, vacuuming, dusting etc.)
Which is great...but putting a dent in some of the "bigger picture" stuff would mean much more...see? Never satisfied.
The spectre of yet another "spring break" consisting of hanging around, watching TV, cleaning....
I DO realize what kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy I have going here, I really do! I just feel defeated by it at times.
I KNOW the thing to do is to MAKE this one different. And that's what I'll try to focus on this week.
...promises that fall through.
