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Well my weekend went pretty well. On Friday night some church members and I played games at a shelter with some of the people there. It was really refreshing to me and lifted my spirits. It was actually raining that night so just thinking about the fact that if they weren't in that shelter, they'd be out in the rain really touched my heart. Many of them had so much joy while we were playing the games it was refreshing to see.

That night I slept like a baby. 9 hours straight. I didn't have to take any medicine or anything. It was the first time I'd slept that long in a long, long time.

Saturday I got up and did a few things around my apt. I tried to straighten up some. I met up with a friend at a sports bar for an alumni watch party on Saturday afternoon. My grandfather came into town as well so when I got back to my apt he was there waiting on me. It was great getting to spend time with him and just getting to be in his presence.

Saturday night we watched football and since I'd ordered the Mayweather fight, I had some friends over. My best friend and his son (my W and I are the godparents), two married couples (one of which I stayed with during the early stages of this ordeal, the other helped me moved my things out of the house), my grandfather and I all watched the fight and sat and talked. It was a good night. I had moments here and there where I thought about my W but I never really got down...initially.

I actually had a conversation with someone that night where they told me that OM #1 was actually trying to get in touch with one of my W's colleagues via text and invite her out to see him the week AFTER my W left...literally seconds after he finished having a conversation with my W. Somehow OM #1 tried to spin it as the colleague was the one trying to initiate this and so my W got "territorial" and started sending out subliminal messages via twitter. Extremely petty and silly even that she would continue to expose herself in such a manner. The colleague was so upset she was going to go on a rant on twitter and/or Facebook and basically out my W and OM #1 but cooler heads prevailed and someone convinced her that was not something she should do. Further proof that this guy is no good. OM #2...can't comment as much on there...all I know is apparently this guy has been with his gf for 5 years but finds himself torn between my W and his gf. I feel for his gf and at times wish there was a way to let her know what's going on or even let OM #2 know about OM #1 and vice versa. I know that's not something I can do. It just...I don't know...I guess it just frustrates me because it seems like she's getting away with it all the time but I also realize that's the part of my forgiveness I have to work on the most. I don't truly ever wish anything ill on her but I do have moments of just flat out anger where I wish the veil could be pulled back and people see what's going on for what it is. Then I try to quickly center myself and realize that God is in control and whatever needs to happen will happen in His time and in His way, not mine.

Sunday morning I watched church from home. That's two weekends now that I haven't gone to church on Sunday (but I have still been attending mid week Bible Study). I need to do something about that and make sure I go next weekend. I watched a preacher that I usually record from home that morning and he spoke on praying for others and having others pray for you using Colossians 1:9-14 as the prayer and replacing the word 'you' throughout those passages with the person's name you're praying for. I'm going to start praying that prayer for my W and if any of you choose to pray for me and/or my W, I'd ask that you do the same and I'll prayer that prayer for you all as well. I did make it to my DivorceCare meeting and it was about forgiveness this week. I could fill a whole thread with the insight learned there but it was great for me. I came home and plopped down on the couch and watched football all day. I have Sunday NFL Ticket so I can watch multiple games at once and in doing so, OM #1 and OM #2 showed up on the screen often. That's when my stomach began to turn a bit.

Thoughts started racing through my head again...is she there? Is she tweeting about either of them? Is she "proud" of their performance? It was tough to stop those thoughts...I wanted to watch the ballgames and not let their presence in the games dictate my attitude but at the same time it was tough to avoid. The commentator even made mention that OM #1's bday is this month and it reminded me of my W supposedly planning a party for him. A part of me wants to snoop and try to confirm some of that stuff but I know it'll probably just bring more hurt than help so I decided against that. A friend and I spoke briefly Sunday night while I was washing clothes for the week. She told me she'd heard a sermon say your mate is someone capable of giving up their present configuration to make you a priority. When she said that, I realized there were times in my M I didn't do that. I also realized that in the 6 months prior to this all starting, that was something I did very well. My friend pointed out the key is we both have to do it...it takes two.

I know she's right but I guess I just have moments where I feel as if I'll be viewed as damaged goods...like I'll be labeled. Lots of people won't know the truth of my sitch and so I'll be seen as some guy who was a terrible husband and couldn't hold his M together. I've often heard some women are attracted to married men because they know that there's something about that man that another truly wants if they're willing to spend a lifetime with that person. Well is the opposite true as well? A divorced man isn't an attractive potential partner because a woman DIDN'T want to spend a lifetime with him? My friend tried to reassure me that everyone has a past and that there's a woman waiting for me that will see my strength and character and how I developed from that struggle...she made it a point to say I'm not damaged...I'm wiser. I tend to agree. It's just rough.

This past Saturday marked 5 straight weeks my W and I haven't had a single verbal conversation and 5 straight weeks since I've seen her. She's not attempted to contact me anymore beyond the couple "business related" items she did earlier this month. Her bday is this month. Our anniversary is early next month before mediation in mid Oct. Some very interesting days lie ahead. I'm not really sure how I feel today. I have a strange feeling in my gut that won't go away since late yesterday afternoon. Not really sure what to do with it other than to just keep praying and keep GAL'ing away. Maybe it's because my grandfather is leaving today and I know I'm going to be alone again. I don't know. Just feel strange this morning.

how about a post solely about YOU and your GAL activities?

From where I sit, the more you talk about and focus on her (OM is an extension of that, obviously) the more stuck you are in your pain

and the less you move forward.

You must change. You must move forward. So stop the thinking about OM#1 or#2 or #8947....just stop it.

You have no control over it.

Why would you even know what her twitters say?

MTS you have to read up A LOT on DETACHMENT...

get out of your own way and detach!

or you'll drive yourself nuts, maybe lose your job and forget to focus on your school.

Gee that's a winning combination....come on, you KNOW better than to post ALL about what someone said someone else said and what it means to HER....


that's crazy stuff ruling your life and you know better!

Very nice post, 25.

MTS, focus on your GAL'ing activities. You are doing a good job of mixing it up. How did you feel about your situation on Friday night? In my experience, when I've done something like that, my situation seems very, very small. I also realize what I'm doing with my life and when I think about what my W is pursuing (the D, and that is NOT really detaching BTW) and it makes realize I am heading in a different direction with my life right now than my W is.

I understand what you're saying. I don't TRY to think about them...it's tough though when you're watching a football game and then they break in to show a highlight of one of them scoring a touchdown or something.

I don't know what she says on twitter because I don't look. I'm not trying to let stuff rule my life...I guess I was just trying to convey how I FELT this weekend. I wasn't in a rut all day Friday, Saturday and Sunday or anything. It literally "started" late Sunday afternoon and just carried into this morning...this morning more so because my grandfather was leaving and I was "alone" again...and less because of my W or anyone. I'm trying...I was just using this as an outlet to discuss my feelings on things that happened. In the future I'll only post about me and GAL'ing though. If I feel something I'll just write it down and put it in a box in the closet...that way I can still "get it out" but not have to continue to harp on something in particular.

I do know better and I'm doing everything I can to get out from underneath it all...I'm just having a tough time every now and then.

It did the same for me and I realized the exact same thing as you jb. I found myself just being able to kind of say "wow" when I heard some of their stories but see that somehow they could get some joy out of just playing bingo or eating some fruit snacks we'd brought them. It made me feel kind of silly to complain about being alone in an apartment when I'm sure any of them would love to have an apartment to be alone in. It felt good to bring a smile to their faces and be able to be a beacon of light in what must be a place of a good deal of darkness for them.

Similarly, I also saw how I'm headed in a different direction than my W. While she's out doing God knows what with God knows who, I was spending a Friday evening in a shelter volunteering. I don't say that to be self righteous but I guess this experience has given me a lot more perspective on life in general. It's made me be much more appreciative of things and I think more importantly, it's allowed me to realized how UN-important so many things are in life.

MTS

I'm not saying you can never vent here, but the FOCUS of your life can never be another person's actions---dictating your well being. Nor can a long post be all about HER and other people saying others said this/that about OMs...sheesh, can't keep track of it all. As long as he's not a Redskin, I'm staying out of it.

As for fair and reasonable behavior or situations...want fair?...

hey, the continent of Africa's not fair.



So I'm glad you get some perspective.

If you must think of your w, be glad knowing how good you're going to look and how upbeat you'll be next time you run into her OR one of her friends...it will happen.

But realize that imo, her changes will happen over several months, maybe over a year...before

she lets the good feelings/memories resurface (assuming they don't get pushed down into her subconcious by more pursuit of yours or judgement by you)

that's a total turn off so don't be preaching to her OR HER FRIENDS about her either...OMG please, that's a bad bad idea, in case it crossed your mind. And

Don't pray for her salvation in front of her friends either -that's the same stuff.

Just be the best YOU that you can be. Never mind her. She's in God's hands and he can handle it all. You don't have to.

Trust me, she'll hear about how well you look (or not, depending on what you show).

Over time, in the future she'll reach out. For a recon? IDK but for friendship at least, yes I think so.

I just hope she takes enough time before reaching out, that you'll have done the work you need to do on YOU. Otherwise she'll think you never will change.

Be a strong INdependent man sure of himself who won't interrogate or question or distrust b/c after all, why would anyone cheat on YOU?
And you won't have that silly "OW" text problem with the fake affairs...(that's my term).

This confidence will come. In time. And HER work to rebuild the trust will be needed LATER ON...for now, just work on you b/c as you know, she is NOT here and you are.


Make sense?

I wish I could say you can stay out of it but sadly, based on your requirements I don't think you can ...if it's any conciliation that one is OM #2...the one I know the least about...

I'm definitely not preaching to her or her friends or anyone about her so we don't have an issue there. Don't pray for her in front of her friends either...in fact...there's no one she is close to that I come in contact with except one of her friends I occasionally bump into at the barbershop once every month and a half or so.

So you're right...definitely focusing on me.

I'm actually planning to see about a study abroad trip during the winter break...I'll get to go to another continent for 14 days and get a full 3 hours of credit from it. That'll allow me to take 3 classes in the spring semester and get my MBA completed in May! Now THAT is something I'm excited about...

THAT'S^^^ VERY COOL!!

Nothing to really report in terms of GAL'ing yesterday. I had class last night and managed to get some stuff taken care of for another class during work today. The check my W sent also came today so I went to the bank and cashed it. Paid my rent for October for my apt and started mapping out a budget for the rest of the duration of my lease (11 more months). I also managed to switch to another car insurance provider and get identical coverages for about 60% of what I was paying so I've found some savings there as well.

Tonight I have my favorite class: Entreprenuership. Afterwards I plan on going to the gym for about a hour and then finally heading home for the evening.