It was only regarding the maintainence that I pay, telling me not to forget to pay it in the next few days, but she called when she could have texted.
I had the kids last night and she started to ask how they has been, etc, I told her I had bought our daughter some clothes, which she was interested about.
She asked if I was going to my AA meeting later, which I was am, then I just said I would call her after it to speak to the kids, she was fine about that also.
So although it was a nothing call, it was a call.
We spoke without tension, and it was all polite.
So I start again, try to maintain communication with the mother of my children, and will not get upset, or at least show it!!!
Time to relax about it all, I cannot control or influence anything that she does, I have to make myself happy, I have today bought a load of new clothes!!!, and trust that in time we will be back together again.
Hi, DCS, good for you to be able to pick back up where you had gotten to with your W. I knew you could do it, you showed that before the blowup with her. Even if it was just a "nothing" call, she noticed the changes in you and it wasn't as harmful as you had feared. It's hard when you sometimes want to scream and rant, but come here and vent. Journal your thoughts, and see the progress you make over time.
Yay for new clothes! I bet your W was surprised and interested in your D's new clothes. Was that something you usually do or something new for you? Good for you to get some new clothes. You can look cool and mysterious for the next time she sees you. I hope you've got some cool shades to go with them.
So I went to my AA meeting, the things you hear people have been through really puts things into context.
Yes I am loosing my marriage, but some people have been living on the streets and lost everything before they saw sense, very humbling.
So I came out of my meeting and called "home", unlike the rest of the week when I have called, my wife answered the phone, it's been 1 of the kids recently when we didn't speak, I asked to speak to the kids and she immediatley put our son on, so he must have been close when it rang?
He was great telling me about school, etc, and what things he needed packed for tomorrow night, I have them, I could hear my wife telling him to ask what he needed in the background, then my Daughter came on the phone, again all good, telling me she missed me and loved me, etc, she then said mum wanted to speak to me ??
So my wife comes on and starts asking about what things I needed for them for tonight?, I had already told my son exactly when she was prompting, I just repeated everything again, no problem, I mentioned I was taking my D shopping on Saturday morning as I had to pick my watch up from repair, she laughed and mentioned the bill, I just said I know but I want my watch back, she just agreed.
The watch is a Breitling my wife bought me for my birthday a few years ago, it cost a lot of money, but she knew I always wanted 1, and she knows how much it means to me.
Its cost a fair amount for a full service and new battery, but I love that watch, and I know how happy I was when I got it, and how happy my wife was when she gave me it. How the hell did we end up here!!!!
So we ended the call all polite and calm. I'm really pleased the communication lines are open between us again.
I am in a good place at the moment, I have accepted the OM is there, but I will be the better man, I understand my kids don't live with their father, but the time i'm with them will be the best time.
And I accept that for now my marriage is on hold, but I know by remaining calm, no anger, maintain my changes, my wife will be back with me sometime, in this marriage or not.
I know I have to remain detached, not get too close or too friendly like I did in the past month or so, I have to be friends with her, regain her trust, regain our friendship, and with time i will regain our love.
I am glad you are getting a lot out of your AA meetings. Yes, some people hit rock bottom and find they have hit it really hard. I guess your rock bottom was where you are now. Luckily you haven't lost it all.
Wow, a Breitling watch. Those are really nice watches. It wouldn't matter the service bill for it, it is special, from your W.
How did y'all got there? Life has a way of throwing stuff at us, and because we are so busy living our lives, working, raising children, etc, we don't always see it coming. Sometimes we do things, like drinking, working too much, letting friends and family come between us, other things that come in between us and our spouses. We are supposed to put them first, yet do we always do so? No, we don't. Even in Song of Solomon, it talks about the "little foxes" that ruin the vineyards. And it is talking about the problems that can come in to a M and ruin it. And one of the biggest of the little foxes is neglect.
I know you hate the idea of om being in the picture, but you know he is just that nasty old bandaid. Your W is smart, she will eventually see him for what he really is. I mean, what sort of man does that? So, put him out of your mind as much as possible, and think of you and the kids, and like you said make their time with you the best time. I can tell a big difference in you over the first posts you made.
Keep up the good work, it will pay off in the future, however it turns out.
I had the kids last night, it was great, we went to the cinema and pizza after, we laughed and had great fun
This morning we were up early, I made an effort to look good as I knew I was seeing my wife later, son dropped off at football, and daughter and I shopping
And can a 9 year old spend!!!
New coat, new tops, and new shoes, she has discovered fashion and loves clothes, and daddy has to supply!!! Ha ha
I got a few things , then got my watch back, it looked new, all polished and gleaming I was really pleased!!
As we shopped I got a text off my wife asking if I could take them back 30minutes late, as she was out I sent back no problem, I'm shopping with d, and she can spend money like her mum!! She texted back hope she got her north face gilet??
This was a reference to a conversation we had a few weeks ago, I again was shopping with d and my wife asked to get a gilet for her but in my wifes size! I joked back " yeah right", and left it, so it was funny her mentioning it again?
So I get my son, we go for lunch, and I take them back
Wife comes straight out, I haven't seen her for 2 weeks!!! She looked good
As soon as she saw me she mentioned my new clothes, from jeans, to shoes, to t-shirt!! She always liked good shoes and loved my new ones, rightly so they cost a fair bit!! Ha ha, but mission completed, I made her take notice!!!
My daughter was all excited showing mum her clothes etc, and my wife was really happy, saying I spoil her, I joked it was only money I saved on drink!!! Ha ha
She then mentioned the north face gilet? I said I had saw one, but thought it wrong to buy her a gift, she just smiled
She then started to ask about me, my aa meetings, how I felt etc??? I just said everything was great, I felt good and healthy, she mentioned the sprint triathlon and was really interested in it, I started to feel a little uncomfortable, the interest she had in me was pulling me in, and I looked at her and it hurt
The more I tried to leave, the more she made conversation, I didn't want to look ignorant and just answered her questions
She then said that she was pleased that we could be friends again and get on after last week, I apologised and said I was sorry and had no right to say the things I said She was fine about it and short of laughed it off??
I then said that as long as she was happy I was, at which she said " what's happy?"
I explained that she was happy now and had what she wanted, she replied she never wanted to be a single parent, but it was better than being married to a drunk, and she wished she was married and happy with our kids?? She said she had to leave, I said I know, and I was glad she did as it's got me where I am today, sober, she was pleased
I then said that I knew somewhere down the line we would end up back together, we both loved each other, you cannot turn it off, but that was all depending on me maintaining how I am now, she smiled a knowing smile, and I felt great!!!
At that her friends arrived to she her, as they walked up, my wife joked that I was her best friend again after wanting to kill her last weekend!!!
We all laughed and I waved bye
Wtf is happening here!!!
Om was not mentioned at all, but I don't think he's long term by her comments?? I feel she is watching me, testing me??
I know we will get back together sometime, when is up to her, but I have to keep the change going
I cannot believe how hopeful I and today compared to last week This is a longterm commitment, for the rest of my life, but it's worth it to have her back
See? She does seem to want what was, without the drink. Sounds like a real positive exchange between you and your W. It seems she really wants to be your friend for now, maybe develop a NEW relationship later?? One based on better treatment of yourselves and each other?? Really DC, it does sound positive to me. That being said, don't get too eager, or she'll back off. Leave her wanting more, it gives her something to think about. I imagine it made you uncomfortable, her pulling you in like that, that's when you could make some excuses, maybe you have plans and need to leave??
Regardless of how excited you feel about the future possibilities with your W, tamper down the excitement around her, and don't let it all out. Now you've said what you did about you two in the future, she can have that to think about, and you can go without any big R talks for some time.
I think it's great your D loves shopping with you. What a little fashionista!! So, this gets you ready for when she's a teenager with all their clothing wishes Also, I like how you handled W's hints about the gilet (is that a vest?). Let her get her own, or maybe get her one from the kids for Christmas. And she noticed the cool clothes you got, so yay! Always good to look good.
I am glad you are so happy. Keep it up. Try not to get down if things get rough at times, as that's going to happen, probably lots of times before this saga has its ending.
The way she looked, the way she smiled at the kids playing while we spoke, the things she said all point to she wants "us", the big "but" in that is me drinking
That's why the interest in the aa meetings and how I feel The call on Thursday about money wasn't really about money it was to ask if I was going to my meeting This is all on me now
The om? Forget him, it might not be a PA yet, even if it is, he can't compete with me, he hasn't the history and feelings my wife and I have He will never be anything to my kids, she knows that
So he's trying, he's trying really hard, but it's a fight he cannot win I've already won
I just need to remind her of the person I was/am, and not the person I became
She loves me, I know that, and she knows that
The conversation today was great and showed me that I cannot give up trying
I'm not contacting her again, that's down to her I've sown the seed in her mind, she has to want it to grow
I've had a few nothing calls from her, and a few texts. Like I said all nothing really, but the line of conversation is still there, which a week ago wasn't, so for that alone I'm thankful.
I've been pretty busy really seeing friends,etc
Spent a lot of time thinking though, I know I shouldn't but at times it's hard not to
After last weekend all contact was dead, and after what was said there was no reason for it to open, so why the big turnaround in a few days?
Is she having doubts?, the "all I want is to be happily married with the kids" line has really threw me, she also mentioned that it had taken me nearly 12 months to get where I am, so is she offering an olive branch for me to prove I can change?
Or is she just being "nice" for the children's sake?
But in all the conversation on Saturday she never mentioned the kids once?
All very confusing!!!!
I cannot control or think for her, and I need to stop trying to think, what she is thinking!!
On Saturday when I posted I was very positive, and in reflection probably too positive, and as time has passed although there has been contact, maybe I thought there would have been more, and I'm now questioning everything??
I need to get back where I was last week, no hope and no future, it protects the heart with that mentality.
I will be very nice when we speak, and always positive, it's the patience and time thats the killer, it's the games the mind plays with you in bed, the questions, the why's.
I wish I could turn it all off and just be me, but I'm me with a wife and children who are not with me, and that's the hard bit.
Thanks for listening guys, I needed to get things off my chest.
to go with them. 
Also, I like how you handled W's hints about the gilet (is that a vest?). Let her get her own, or maybe get her one from the kids for Christmas. And she noticed the cool clothes you got, so yay! Always good to look good.