Yea there are some things that might conflict with the DB stuff. And yea i am also aware of sandi's sig on 'do what works'
When i look back...I would have done exactly the same just 6 months ago. Now.... Nope i would not. Don't get me wrong. Just in my case i was always the guy who pleased his wife waaay too much. Hopefully in your case, your B-day wishes were a 180 ??
Who knows...Maybe it would get your W thinking
BITS M 38 W 36 D 7 Married 15 yrs W left for 6 months in 2009 W Filed for D 01/03/11 piecing now...
Yea there are some things that might conflict with the DB stuff. And yea i am also aware of sandi's sig on 'do what works.
When i look back...I would have done exactly the same just 6 months ago. Now.... Nope i would not. Don't get me wrong. Just in my case i was always the guy who pleased his wife waaay too much. Hopefully in your case, your B-day wishes were a 180 ??
Without a doubt there are some things that I did that conflict with DB’ing. Buying my W gifts from my children, giving her flowers and taking her to dinner, fall under the don’ts in lines 8 and 9.
However, 9 also says “Save for later when the R is much better.” Does this mean when we are piecing? Not IMO. I think it means when we can be in each other’s presence without any pressure of R/M talk or without any expectations from what we are doing together. I feel comfortable with what was done for her b-day. The only expectation that I had was for my W to say “thank you”. She did.
When we talk about “what works” in the forums, that depends on what our definition is of “what works”. Obviously the ultimate goal when we first come here is to reconcile. I have read many success stories on these forums and in the DR. Some were successful using the LRT, while others were successful staying in the friendship zones, etc. Their successful results were not all based on following the same map. Of course we do not do what does not work. That’s why the list of 37 DO’s and DON’Ts is so handy. My interpretation of “what works” is when an action is reciprocated with a positive reaction.
Everything that I did for my W’s birthday was reciprocated with a positive reaction from her. Now this was a special occasion and these things will not happen every day.
BTW, the b-day wishes were more of a 90 than a 180. Lol Some of the things that I did were consistent with who I have been in our R. The things that were changed up, were what the gifts (necklaces) were from our children.
MK, after all of my rambling, 6 months ago I would have done what you would do today. Not much. A simple happy b-day text.
Hmmm……I’m thinking about getting me more sessions with a DB coach.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
This past week has been a difficult one. Last Wednesday night my best friend's brother called me to let me know that my friend was not doing well and was in a coma in a Boston hospital.
He and his wife were out there for a wedding and he came down with double pneumonia. He was hospitalized for a couple of days and then released. I'm not sure why he was released and I didn't ask as it doesn't change anything. The following night his W woke up to find him unresponsive. The paramedics were able to revive him, however the damage was already done.
Late Saturday night I made my way out to be with him and his family. Thankfully I had the opportunity to spend some time with him as he was truly a blessing to me. We had been friends for over 20 years.
Yesterday, before I left back to SF, I said my final farewells and before I landed, he was gone. My best friend passed away at the age of 36. The husband of 4 years to a beautiful wife and father to a beautiful 6 month little girl. My heart breaks for his family.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
Thanks Country and JB. When I have an opportunity, I will share a story of something he did for me that shows what a great person/friend he was.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
