Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Thought it would be done by now...part 3

And I suppose this will continue to allow him to be the victim in all of this. Poor thing. Not.
I asked H awhile back about insurance-how long after D am I off? He acted like I was asking a trick question. He apparently hasn't thought as far as the fact I will no longer hace health insurance!

DENIAL - ain't just a river.

Well, I may D in less than 2 weeks if H doesn't fight any of it. Kind of a strange thought.
Well, he won't fight for us why would he fight for himself.
Sad,

life,

if he's really not going to SHOW UP and WORK, then I would rather he just fade out for now...know what I mean?

What good is a half ass fight about some money or a few terms changed, if all it really means is he's NOT dealing.

And so far, he's SO NOT dealing! Very frustrating. But i guess I'm saying 2 things. Grand scheme,

yes it's unfair. So is Africa.



2nd, unless and until he really truly wakes up WITH the energy to overcome the mess he has made

what's the point of him coming to the table with...not much?

Muddy the waters? Slow the process down?

Maybe that would be "better than nothing" and you'd feel better in the short run b/c it seems he cares

but IF it's only about money and not the REAL STUFF, I would rather it just end with your terms in place (so you and the kids are FINE and safe first & foremost)

and then, when the dust settles, he can figure out that he's made a series of HUGE mistakes.

At least in the meantime, you'll be alright and have less conflict and stress from seeing him

and OR, not seeing him BUT thinking you were going to ETC

Make sense?

So sorry--

((( )))

25yearsmcl- he got a L. He is really only concerned with the $$. Not custody and I am heartbroken over that.
Who is this man I have been married to for 20 years??!!?
I am continually surprised at what he does. I don't understand that but I am. What about his children?
Has the OW and child taken mine and their places in his heart?
I hope to get this sorted out some tomorrow with my L. I am sure he didn't tell his L the whole truth.
We shall see.

I truly believe that HE believes he has time to "make it all up to the kids".....

LATER...

but sadly, they'll probably be too busy then. Still, it's what I think the WAF (walk way father) believes.

how else can they look themselves in the mirror?

So much for the papers waking him up!

I knew this day would come but when it does it is still a slap in the face.
I look at the papers he responded with and can hardly imagine him sitting down and breaking down our marriage to a bunch of numbers. HEartbreaking.
I kept thinking he would swoop in and want to R and promise to change his ways cause he loves us all so much.
I guess not.
He is moving on fast. Especially for someone who claimed to be so "miserable"

Boy, just when I thought things might be getting a little bit easier for me- feeling like I might come out okay. I have a day like today.
I want to call and scream at him and tell him what he has done to me and kids. And, thet he will regret this one day. He better anyway.!!!!
But, i won't do that.
Anyway, I am just so sad. I knew it was coming but gee thought I should be a little relieved instead of this.

I hear ya, Life. Right now it makes you sad. And I think that's appropriate. I really do.

Know what though? Tomorrow, pick yourself up, look yourself in the eye and realize what a wonderfully imperfect person you are. Embrace it. Revel in it. Understand that makes you "normal" and healthy. Gain that perspective that allows you to see that this is not about you nor the kids. This is about your H and his issues. He blames you. Huh. What MLC'r ever did that??

Guess what? That's a human thing. They blame others. But as 25 pointed out, look at the facts. Step back, take a breath and note the facts only.
H left.
H doesn't try to be a father with the kids (not to be confused with not being a father the way you want)
H says he is confused.

Did he leave because you hurt him? Does a parent hurt a four year old? Not usually but they DO get blamed for it anyway by the four year old, right? Like a long drawn out temper trantrum.

Will H miss you? Bigger question is if he will be missed by the time that comes around....

Go back and re-read 25's posts to you. Go back and gain your perspective away from H. If it's one thing I learned along the way its that you cannot trust your spouse once they leave. You really couldn't prior but that's a different story....

Try the story again with the lens of not trusting his words. How does it sound now? What is important in the conversation now?


AJ