Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Compassion for a MLCer

Good morning all!

Well, W keeps up with her taunting about the divorce by sending me emails at work asking me to pay the fee to have me served.

I know I shouldn’t have, but I asked her if she has any idea of the impact of what she’s doing and if she feels justified in throwing her husband out of the house in the fashion that she did? I also asked her that despite of all the nastiness she has done, does she not see how I was still honoring her as my wife?

Her reply was that she didn’t see me in that light and (sarcastically) that her mind is clouded in that aspect. Then she went ranting that she suffered for 20 years until she couldn’t do it anymore. Then she went on SCREAMING in fury that shes never done anything wrong and there is nothing wrong in brining OM into the house!

Her fury was to the point that if I put a light bulb to the phone, it would of lit!

Then she kept on about how we just never got along and that I’m a loser for staying with my dad.

She said that I have to stop spending so much time at church and quit my worship team and find a second job.

Real nice comment from someone that chooses not to work and stay a full time student while she is supported by me and her mother.

It’s not my preference to do this. It’s all a financial thing. She actually thinks that I really like living in a retirement home. Yeah, I was hoping that we were going to reconcile so I stayed. Actually, I was almost convinced that we were going to make it. But now that OM is in the picture, it has become obvious that its done. Now, I feel foolish.

She doesn’t seem to realize all the $ I’ve been spending on the kids and on her child support. And, most roommates won’t accept kids. She just doesn’t care.

Her being adamant about our situation makes me think back and try to remember where I went wrong to deserve this. I do recall that after her plastic surgery, she started becoming distant and she started changing. But, still and all, even last year I remember her telling me we were meant to be together forever. At the very beginning of our separation, she said that one day we were going to renew our vows. Now she claims she never said anything like that. She had also told all our friends that she didn’t want a divorce, that she’s been with me for 20 years and she didn’t want to lose that.

Look at her now….

What a web of emotions….

Good morning all!

Got an interesting text from W yesterday. I had politely asked her to please stop taunting me with the whole divorce thing. During the conversation, it was kind of hard to her being adamant about the D and I got a little teary. During her ranting, I just hung up. Shortly after I got this text…

“Let go! Don’t make yourself suffer on my behalf. Im trying to be happy in my life. Do the same! We are all not perfect people. Who knows what the future brings but, I need this dissolution from you, so please comply and lets move on! Please sign the docs and get this over with.”

Just three weeks ago, she was talking to a family member and she said that she didn’t want a D but, she needed me to change. Now shes pushing the D.

I don’t understand how signing a document is going to bring her happiness. She’s already doing what she wants any way.

I went to my counselor yesterday and she explained to me how she is trying to find peace and happiness through changing her environment. Example (her looks, her marriage, her friends, her car, her career, OM etc etc…

Once again this morning, I go to pick up my kids to take them to school and she didn’t get them up on time. The kids have been late almost every day. She was always very anal about getting them to school on time. Now apparently, it looks like she could care less. But of course! She thinks it’s perfectly healthy for the kids to be bringing OM into the house already!

After visiting my counselor yesterday, I had left with my head a little more clearer.

All this non-sense of her saying that its been 20 years of misery IS nothing but an attempt to project.

I remember who she was and how she did things and most of all, how we loved each other.

During this year of separation, listening to my W talk, Im more and more convinced that this a MLC.

She has commented that she has wanted to be a

1) A professional dancer
2) A professional photographer
3) Join a roller derby team
4) Be a pro skater!

Now, she’s barely skating any more. All time is being spent with OM.

Now that I understand MLC, I look back and remember things within the last couple of years and I would ask myself “ What the heck is she doing?” especially after the time that she went to see Twilight dressed up like she was 17 again.

When the real hard times come, MLC is VERY hard to deal with. But with a little bit of strength and understanding, sometimes it’s downright comedic.

Have a good day every one!

Romans 8:28 And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.

Not all at once now... Lol

The hanging up part = good...

The putting yourself in a position to even hear her rant ???

Hey, if you want to hear it and let it turn you inside out....then go for it...

I will tell you that the above , has a lot to do with what she spewed below....




Script...

Look Sammy, you allow yourself to be the dartboard for her Pin-the Tail on the jackass err...Donkey




Of course she is gonna say that to family....

What did you expect her to say ?

" Hey, I'm gonna leave Sammy, and go on tour with David Lee , Sammy is a really good guy and all, but I have to do this to find out who I am, I take all the blame in this...."


Really ?









Do you really want me to break this down for you ?

So you think it is MLC....

Maybe it is , maybe it isn't...

And you say that you understand MLC....

Understanding it , and living it, are two entirely different things Sammy....

Everything that you wrote above...

You are putting a whole lot of blame on her for this. You can stay back and blame the MLCer for their poor choices , and sit quietly behind the scenes....

Hoping that one day, she will let you walk out onto the stage with her, at the VMA awards...

And if she doesn't, then you can be the victim in all of this..

YOUR choices buddy...

YOUR life...

Stop looking toward her, for YOUR answers....

Hi Mach!

Ill take Sammy because he was my fav between him that other guy! ( I hate DLR) BTW, I own 3 Wolfgangs!

Ok, here is my confusion about the whole MLC thing...

If it was that she really got fed up with the marriage, would she be acting this way? I have seen people get divorced and NEVER go through these headaches.

But her actions and Sith Lord type hatred, is unreal. We have not been able to have a normal conversation in almost a year. When we talk she'll ask a question and when I try to answer it, she goes off in a frenzy and will not listen.

And will signing a D paper really bring her this happiness?

I think she is rushing it so she can go public with OM. She was always very concerned about what people thought of her.

Also, another thing that's a red flag for MLC is her slacking of responsabilities and VERY irrational thinking.

No, I do not blame all of this on her. Lord knows Ive done my share of hell raising in our M but, from the begining of this speration promising me that we will renew our vows and then now asking for a D? I dont think she knows what she wants or what shes doing.

I'll admit one thing that Im doing VERY wrong...

I tell her several times that I understand what shes going through and I know its confusing. But, I will be there at the end to help her pick up the pieces. She usually never responds to this.

Im always looking for signs of depression. I only see her briefly in the mornings and sometimes in the afteroon.

When I do see her, she looks very thin, tired and frustrated.

I hope there is an end to this....

If she really sees me as the source of ALL her problems, I have bad news for her... Im going to be in her life for a LONG time.

I GOT HER IN MY SIGHTS BUT, JUST OUT OF REACH....HERE WE GO ROUND AND ROUND AND ROUND....

TGIF guys!

Im starting to get worried…

Now its not about her actions towards me, our marriage or the kids. I’m starting to worry about her well being.

I went to counseling yesterday, and we touched on the subject of MLC and OM.

Of course, she told me that W is running on pure emotions and self centeredness. Counselor told me that the OM thing is just a way of recapturing her youth. And for the OM, it’s just a fling for him.

Then, we touched on a subject of personality disorder. Counselor doesn’t know my W so she really can’t say too much about her, but according to what I’m telling her, she thinks she might be suffering from some type of personality disorder. Again, she doesn’t know W but, that’s what she THINKS might happening.

C told me that most DO snap out of it and have regrets and may ask for forgiveness but, doesn’t mean that they will want to reconcile.

C believes that the best choice for MY financial protection is to file for a D to stop all the madness already.

I agree with her.

She then told me that a D doesn’t mean that you are giving up on her.

Well, here’s the scary part about yesterday…

I went to pick up my son to go to the gym and she handed me the D papers. She wanted me to sign the ON THE SPOT.

I told her no. We have to go to mediation and get this done the right way.

With my son in the car and my daughter watching, she screamed out a big FU! She acted like she was going to kick her car and told me to get the F out of the way!!!!

When she pulled out of her drive way, she peeled out, sped down the street where there were signs that say please slow down, we love our children.

As she was speeding down the street, my heart went up to my throat! I was scared that a kid my run out to the street! With the speed she was going, she would of had no chance to move out of the way!

Luckily, nothing happened.

A minute later, I got this text…

“ If you don’t want me dead or in the hospital, U better sign those papers! U cant imagine how much I hate u and your existence!!! I almost got in an accident because of you’re a$$!!! I believe u are an evil element brought to this earth to be a tic to feed your evil unto me!! If you love me so much, let me go, sight the F’ng papers and on with it. I f’ng hate you!!! I cant stand the site of you!!!”

Wow huh?

Now, like Ive posted before, Ive been picking up the kids to take them to school. They have to be there at by 7:45 am. Their school is on the same block as her home. I pick them up so I can have time with them in the mornings.

I get to her home at 7:10. Shes not letting them out the door till 7:50! Of course, the kids are being late to school.

This morning, she screamed at me telling me “ The kids are being late! I got a letter from their school”

I told her that Im there on time every morning and its not my fault that shes not letting the kids out of the house on time.


Guys, I feel like she has me under a magnifying glass look for every reason just to HATE my guts!

Her replay had died down a little bit and now its amped up 100X.

Im starting to get a little worried.

In the words of the great Ozzy Osbourne….

GOD BLESS YOU AAAAAAAAAALLLLLLL!!!!

Really? You "wonder" if she has a personality disorder?!?

Stay the course amigo. Don't shortcut things regarding the legality. She wants it, let her wait to do it right.

She is spewing. Got that. We have all seen that, but don't worry it won't last forever. It does eventually die down.

It does help to better understand that she is batty. But let her marinate in it. You didn't start it and you can't end it. You have to protect yourself else she WILL take advantage of that.

Protect the kids and let W worry about herself.

AJ

hey broken... don't think I've ever posted on your thread...

Time frames are similar for us, you're a couple extra years M and a month extra on sep...

My W is emotionally volatile right now, as well... she's desperate to get sep papers to me to sign off ASAP... I'll be sure to take due diligence on the docs... apparently I'll be getting the docs tonight when I pick up the kids and I shouldn't but actually have expectations that my W will react like yours did if I do not RUSH on signing off... I strongly suspect she has up coming plans and wants to "look" divorced ASAP... but she still avoids any discussion on filing D in a month...

She's been VERY pleasant and chatty and then LIVID and full of hate and now chatty and pleasant again... two cycles over the past seven days...

I always suspected my W had some PD from the moment I met her... and if true, it's showing STRONG through this WAS / MLC event...

Just wanted to say that I feel for you... you aren't alone...

So let me ask you something Sammy.....

I do realize that you are on a forum to save your marriage....

Sometimes, in MLC.....

They have to get their Divorce....

What are YOU preparing for down the road ?

In the event that the Divorce actually happens, how are YOU planning for you and your children, to have the most positive outcome ????

What steps are you taking, so that the children have the best care possible ???

How are you preparing to protect yourself emotionally ???

How are you preparing to protect yourself financially ???

How are you planning to protect yourself legally ???

In what light do you want her to see you in (down the road) throughout this process ???

In what light do you want others to see you in , throughout this process ??


I found the simple life, ain't so simple
When I jumped out, on that road

Hi Kaffe,


My W has been threatning divorce since the begining of the seperation. Her venom was bad at the begining. The, it died down. Now that OM is in the picture, or should I say "Other kid", her spewing has amped up ALLOT! It makes perfect sense why she's pushing for the D. I want to give it to her but, under fair circumstances. She wants me to sign my life away on the spot.

HELLS NO!

She thinks that signing papers is going to give her that sense of happiness or freedom shes been craving.

My C told me yesterday "you have to let her go so show her that you love her".

Well, Im doing just that...

Im coming along in my journey. Im taking her spewing less personal and OM isnt affecting me as much as it used to. Im just concerned that I dont know him and he's hanging around my kids.


Her possible personality disorder really didn’t show that much at the beginning of this whole mess. What did show, was her being narcissistic. She’s got it and in a NASTY way! She is OBSESSED with her image and all the temper tantrums are there....Floor stomping, cursing, neck rolling and my all time favorite… “EVERY WHERE I GO, IM VIP BIATCH! PEOPLE HOLD MY HAND WHEN I GET OUT OF MY CAR!” She’s been overweight all her life then came the lap band surgery. Soon after, the tummy tuck and boob job. Now she’s got the image thing going, the new car, the new friends, OM, drinking, not working, full time student and her elaborate new vocabulary. I’m surprised she can kiss her mother with that mouth…

LOL!

Yeah, and she’s 38 years old.

She’s got

I’m told that for most, all of this comes to an end. When you are going through it, it seems almost impossible…