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Update:
Talked to W for the first time in 2 weeks yesterday. She has now been living 1500 miles away for 6.5 weeks.

She says she is doing OK, but is very lonely. Says the days are OK, but the nights are bad. Wants to meet people where she is, but is having a hard time doing so. She said that a good GF of hers has been a real help with cards, phone calls, etc. on an almost daily basis. I am beginning to think that I may have been incorrect by NC with her. Perhaps she does need to hear from me on an occassional basis?

W also wants to come back for a visit next month. Needs to have a couple of medical appts, see friends, etc. Says she is looking forward to seeing me. We might go to a concert together.

W says she is very happy that she is not in this town right now, needed a break. I think the break is more from extraneous issues beyond our M, but I could be dreaming.

Guess time will tell. Who knows what to think?

Tested the waters by sending a friendly text to W last night. Turns out she is very ill, and probably needs to go to ER or Urgent Care. She has been sick for over a week. She is very isolated, lonely, and now sick. My concern for her is very intense, and I do not know what to do about it.

I am conflicted as to whether she wants to hear from me or not. Kind of think she does, but am afraid I will push her away if I contact her on a more regular basis. How to know what to do?

W also told me she joined a dating site, as she hopes to find people to do things with. Not sure how to take that news. On the site she describes herself as "currently separated', says she is intimidated by being single again, and says she moved xxxx miles away to 'start over'. She tells me that she is not interested in any romantic connection, just wants to meet people.

She has been gone almost 7 weeks. I really don't know what to believe or think. The rational side of me says I admit that it is over and I move on. Another part of me says to give her time. When does this all end??? Ever???

Don't know if this will reassure you or not. I've internet dated this last year and thus far have met:

1) Married men that are accepting of the situation in their M's and don't want to work on it or have W's that don't want to work on it, so they're looking for a bit on the side.

2) Guys much, much younger just looking for kicks/experience.

3)Very recently divorced men that have a lot of personal work to do before they're good to anyone.

4)Men that want a one time sex partner, and are blatant about it.

AC, I guess as far as contacting your W goes, I think you are wanting to give her space, and you are honoring that. It probably didn't hurt to reach out to her. You can evaluate how she responds and go from there. You've only reached out sporadically - it's not like you're constantly contacting her.

As far as the dating site, not sure what to think as I'm in a similar position myself. One thing I get out of that is that she's definitely lonely. Like QoS mentions, it's not very likely she will meet high quality people,. After all, what's the quality of a man who dates a married woman.

It's not over until you say it's over.

I'd probably remain dark for a while longer, especially if she's coming for a visit soon.

You don't want to become the pursuer in the "distancer-pursuer" dynamic.

The NC seems to be working too since SHE mentioned it. She may have mentioned the friend keeping in contact to guilt you into contacting her more often in an attempt to reel you in.

Agreed, lay low, she is coming to visit, she knows you care about her, stay mysterious, inho

Thanks all. W is very sick, and will take several days to recover from her infection. Only touching base once in a while to see how she is doing, especially now that she is on the mend. Be interesting to see how this event affects her mental state.

The waiting game is hard. Need to GAL like mad....

I really need to resist the urge to contact my W frequently. She has responded to my texts and calls of comfort, and I want to respond to her replies. I cannot get myself in the mode of frequent contact.....need to slow down and take a deep breath.

AC,
Started reading your sitch, from way back in april 2010, am up to june 2010. You are the marathon man, I give you kudos for your persistance and your devotion to the marriage.

I know what you mean about the 4 am thing, it hits me every morning, i drop off at 10, take two valerian pills, and one melatonin, and it knocks me right out. I actually really look forward to night, because at least then, for a few hours at least, my mind is resting.

Are you still riding the bike? How about hiking with a meet up group in your area? I've recently joined a running club, will probably get out with them tomorrow.

I also know what you are talking about when you say you are having trouble concentrating on your job. This seems to be fairly common, the comforting thing for me is that we read about these same things happening to others who have similar sitchs as ours on the board, and months later, they are starting to come to grips with things. We will to! Until then I am trying like heck to remain in the now!! Have a good weekend, keep me posted!!
S/F
Gunny