Very interesting stuff, Huh... I'll read it a few more times, but certainly something familiar without a doubt...
And yes, crazy stuff the WAS does... mine... almost as much...
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Quick update, kid's are still sleeping... have D9 and her friend over for the weekend (Fri - Sun)
My W's been all over the place as mentioned earlier... pleasant and chatty and then venom... so was not sure how fri pickup of kids would be like... W she would give me sep docs on fri...
I get to house and pretty much want to get in, grab docs, and get out... no interest in lingering to risk some venom from my W... W brings up gifting my car to me (still owned by my W) and I said we can do that later... she was a little pushy on it... no big deal, I just didn't have the papers to do the gift...
Then she passed on the sep docs and let me know they were still draft... I was very noncommittal with them... as seen with others, my W wanted to take a moment and go over them...
I accepted the docs pleasantly and said, "good. We're almost done." Of course no matter how pleasant I was saying that (and I really was; almost cheerful in it), my W looked at me with an absolute "deer in headlight" look... it was just bizarre... either had no idea what I meant or had such a wall up that she would not speak on it nor react openly about it...
Again, just to note my W's behaviour when I arrived was fairly pleasant and chatty... gave me some banana bread to take with me and other "gifts"... so it could have seemed like she was doing it for the kids, but a baseball cap is certainly meant as a gift for me...
So I just blew off the sep doc review and said I'll read over it and she was telling me about some changes that need to be done, that were marked in the draft doc... and also that if there was anything that I really disagreed with, to let her know...
That's when I reacted, just a touch... nothing major that I felt, but I did blow it off abruptly, saying that "whatever"... bad choice of words, it's a trigger word for both of us...
At that trigger, my W's attitude completely changed and she spun around and walked away from me and said, "whatever... have a nice life...!"
I figured she was going to completely leave the room but she hung at the kitchen door and turned around as I was getting the girls and their stuff together and out the door and then my W came to the door as we were walking out...
I said nothing to her and she said nothing to me...
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On the docs, they read quite interesting... a lot of expected stuff... don't agree with it, but was willing to give in to a lot of the stuff just to get that part over with... but there's far too much future risk in the doc, regarding my W being able to come back at me financially in the future...
I'll have to get counsel on the docs and try to figure out how to proceed...
If I could bottle this... I'd be rich... and I'd certainly keep a majority stock in the company and inventory...
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So as usual, end of weekend means taking kids back to W's...
Considering the pickup on Fri... was interested to see how drop off would work... I was in good spirits and good presentation and not real concerned about things, in general...
I decided I would take care of getting the car I have gifted over from my W to me... that was something I didn't do on Fri... this was right off the hop when I entered the house and dropped D9's stuff in foyer...
W approached me and it appeared she had a bit of an edge on... after thinking about it on the way back home, I figured she just had her guard up...
So I give W the papers to sign on it and chatted up the kids... eldest son of enabler friend was there and he's... an interesting kid... he is friends with D13 of course and FS16... he immediately comes over for a hug and a chat...
I was in awesome, frickin' form... chatting, joking, etc with the kids... W had a question about where to sign the doc and I showed her, she was already opening up and pleasant...
Then W and I had a quick chat about D9, I mentioned the weekend went well, etc... and at that moment... I saw the W I love... she was... I can't say glowing, but she had a shine on that reminded me why... 11 years ago... I decided to pop the question...
She then asked me about the docs which... no guilt here, but I lied and said I didn't look at them this weekend... and she went so far as to indicate that her L, "others", and herself did recommend that I seek counsel on the docs as, "there might be stuff in there that could bite us in the butts, later..." and she offered to pay my legal cost to have the docs reviewed...
She then asked me about my mediation... when it was... what time... then she said she was going to her mediation orientation as well and with complete calm and curiosity, asked why we were going... I shrugged and said I don't know and she responded in kind, that she didn't know... but we both indicated that we were both going...
It was about this time or a touch earlier that she took a glimpse at my wedding band on my finger... did not change her attitude, tone, nor posture one bit...
Finally, as I was about to go she indicated that the "ball is in your court, now"... something that sorta seemed like... where ever this goes from here... and that she simply was trying to make sure that she was all over getting this doc done because she knew I was anxious to get the financials done so that I could get out of my folk's place and settle into my own place for the winter...
And that was about it, had pleasant hugs and goodbyes with everyone, even a "fake man hug" with FS16 (he's... let's just say he's not a hugger at the best of times... so I "air hugged" him... and with a huge smile on my face, I left... and my W was definitely still in a good mood as I left...
*sigh*... if she's wasn't such a nut bag... and for the OMs... bah...
Legislation is that a vehicle can only be gifted between spouses and down one generation to children... the gift doc does not have to state the relation as far as I'm concerned, although it is something that necessary to be noted on the transfer statement... but it was interesting that my W had stated that she was gifting the vehicle "to my husband, KD..."
So...
Weekend closing statements...
If I ever did and felt that I left a convo and physical interaction with W, this would be it... everything went about as perfect as it could... If I never had any further contact with her, this would be the impression I would want left on her...
Mediation orientation on Wednesday... I'll have to go through the draft sep doc and pinpoint items I will contest... and we go from there...
I'm getting a sense that she's not done... but she's certainly... not done in her... "alone time"... either...
BTW, to answer the question before it gets asked... no... it doesn't change anything... not really...
So... I've been spending some time at that "other" forum... had an active thread and had some pressing questions about what the difference was between MLC and vanilla WAS...
Did I say it earlier on my threads...? No, it's not real easy to see... or at least not for me... but... I have seen enough light that I can now believe my W is MLC...
As I mentioned above, it doesn't really change anything... but it is kinda sad... in a different way as it is sad to know that someone would just abandon their spouse and their M, like a WAS...
No, sad because she is probably in turmoil, and denial, and confusion, and anger, and depression... and, and... and... she may be in the MLC tunnel for at least another 2 years... and... she may not end up being the woman I knew, when I M'd her...
I say that because, the pieces kinda just fell together...
Do I really need to label my W? Do I really need to rationalize any of this? No... am I "right"...? Not sure and I don't have to be right about this...
I never actually knew my W prior to the end of her R with D13's bio dad... That R was both physically and emotionally abusive... and now that I look at a lot of my W's behaviours, while she may have had some of these prior to that 7 year R, they are behaviours that could point at PTSD... I hope that through my W's MLC, she works through that trauma... and I hope she comes out "the other side" a strong, compassionate, courageous, loving woman...
I just have a few doubts that, at the end of the game, we are "meant" to be together... we both need to "find ourselves" and create our new lives, and those lives, aside from the kids, i quite likely is independent of each other...
That's OK... I'm good with that... I'm fine with it all...
Keep moving forward, no expectations... path paved and smooth and all that... well, aside from the ugly of separation and D... but... anyhow...
I'm actually more than thinking, but until the D is done... as we say around here... it ain't over...
But I want to move on now and I believe any choice is a good choice... because the alternative is making no choice... and thereby remaining stuck... I choose to be stuck, no more...
