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Hi Alb - I totally get what you are saying

When I think about the person that I met and started talking to (but no longer talk to), it is just sweet thoughts. smile to my toes. It isn't obsessive or "I need him in my life!" thoughts. Just happy. Thats all. but as he says, "timing is everything" and the timing for us now is not right. I wish it was, but wishing it was doesn't make it real.

I am working on the being alone thing. It's coming along. I have a horrible fear of being alone that stems from my personality, and not being left by H. Take for example...the first time I saw Tom Hanks in Castaway - i had so much anxiety! That is my worst nightmare, being alone on an island! one day is all I could ever take of being alone. I am a screaming extrovert and people energize me.

But I am NOT alone. I have my girls, my parents, my brother and his girlfriend, tons of friends, and work. So I can't use the excuse that I am an extrovert and can't be alone.

I loved being in a relationship! I always cringed when my girlfriends would tell me about their dating nightmares. I never wanted or longed to be single. ever.

Being alone and not being in a relationship are 2 different things. I know myself well enought to know that this will always be a problem for me that I struggle with forever. I hope to continue to grow and develop skills that help me with this. I just know how great being in a releationship can be, and I will always want that.

What about Tug? Don't forget Tug!!!
WS

There is no one right way here Tam.

What we say and the guidance we give is cause we have been where you are and can look back and say ...Yup.

I agree with 25 if he is still with OW there is no point in letting him back in.

BUT

Thinking about what it might look like if you would is a good exercise.

There are all sorts of things to work through there.

Most of it self righteousness (at least for me)

You can't feel those things and really, REALLY work through them if someone else is filling the gaps you should be exploring by yourself.

Your life. Your happiness. Your responsibility.

Don't throw someone away for what they are not.

Rather love them for who they are.

Who they are?

Is your H who HE is yet?

Are you?

Your M is a different decision. A different choice. You CAN love someone and decide not to be married to them.

How can you love him truly? truly like they say in the story books? Like you said the day you married him?

Love is the way through this.

What does that mean to you?

Sometimes we get stuck hanging on to love.

When really it is setting it free. Giving it that sets us free.

Ahhh jeeeez....

There I go again.

I won't forget Tug, WS! you know he is the only man in my life ...that loves my unconditionally!lol!!

don't worry - I seem to need to hear it over and over my friend!

Had kind of a crappy day at work. I got really upset with 2 of our musicians (leaders in our orchestra)on Monday. Their behavior at auditions was like watching a bunch of 8th graders. intolerable. but I have learned the hard way that when I get emotional, I need to step away, then the next day with a clear head I sent an email letting them both know that I will not tolerate thier behavior anymore.

the chit hit the fan. They contacted thier orchestra representative that is a one of my board of directors and he had one of our Board memebers come to the office and talk to me that they felt I was harsh with them.

Thank God the Board member that came to talk to me is a friend and he inspires me professionally. he talked to me about not letting thier behavior affect my emotions.

wait! did I just hear that right? was he using DB principals on me? oh no he didn't!lol!!!

I love this guy! I smiled and we got into a fantastic discussion on leading others with passion (which I have tons of) but remaining calm in the face of emotional situations. I guess the stress in my personal life has left me with little tolerance for childish behavior in a professional setting.

So I took my Executive Coaching with enthusiasm and thanked my friend for his help with the situation. In the end, I am the boss and the musicians can't say or do anything about the fact that I was upset with them. But I know that our relationship with our musicians is fragile (long story that goes back before me)and I don't want to distroy the work I have done the last 2 years in repairing the damage that was done so long ago.

But let me tell you all - musicians are a different breed. And if any of you reading this are a musician go ahead and admit it, cause you KNOW I am right.

Anyway, I guess I have changed in a lot of ways. some good some bad. I handled this sitch well, but I could have done it with more patience and care. Always learning, and I enjoy it.

Bassists, trumpets, or percussion?



I've often wondered about this myself. Do you think we all have arrested development from so much time in the practice rooms?

Is that a euphemism for smoking dope?

FLUTE AND OBOE! strange I know. LOVE our percussion - they just joke around the hole time and have fun.

violins feel entitled - to WHAT I haven't figured out yet!

love cello and bass players.

Tuba players are mostly very strange have you noticed that?

True- the amount of pot smoking AND WIFE SWAPING! that goes on within an orchestra is better left alone...I just don't want to know!