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I think my situation is very much like everyone here. But the really strange thing is that my WAS (and I assume all the other WAS) really have no idea that this is such a common thing and...as such (with nothing other crazy happenings in the relationship) can be fixed.

What do I want? I want him to tell me that he is willing to work on the relationship and not just flee thinking that that will make him happy.

Thank you for the suggestions. Can you explain further what you mean by "Emulate?"

Thanks!

So H comes back from a business trip today. He said when he left that he would have a "plan" when he came back. Meaning a plan to propose to me how exactly we physically separate and move forward with the divorce.

I am not sure how I am suppose to react to whatever he tells me. Should I just stick with agreement (obviously assuming his plan is not financially or logistically "unfair")?

I also took of my engagement ring and wedding band. Was that the right thing to do?

Thanks for all of the insights.

So he is back from his business trip.

He said when he was back he would have a "plan" prepared regarding us moving forward with the separation and divorce.

Any tips on my reaction?

Also, I took off my engagement ring and wedding band. Did it for myself to get used to it. But it is giving the wrong signal to my H? Should I put them back on?

Thanks

"But the really strange thing is that my WAS really have no idea that this is such a common thing and...as such can be fixed."

That is a skewed perspective. What you really need to be looking at is how your WAS got to the point that they think they can't fix it. It is so common because we as people think very similarly. Given a fixed set of events most of us will come to the same conclusions. Perfect example of "cheese chasing". The idea of "fixing" it is one that comes natural to me because that is what I do all day. People call me and say "I can't do X" and I find and implement a solution. Take this and put it into a relationship and it can come across as controlling. See how things can get skewed when you think about it like that ?

It is not your job to explain to him that it can or how to fix it. Your job becomes to draw him close enough that he wants to fix it. You see so many references to "early dating" with your S here simply because that is what you want to "Emulate". You want to change the perceptions of the S without losing yourself. Your thoughts about life have certainly changed some but the core values and what you desire have not. Just as something I do everyday can become troublesome to what was my partner.. what are some of the things you may have done that made your partner feel "unloved"?

"What do I want? I want him to tell me that he is willing to work on the relationship and not just flee thinking that that will make him happy."

Ok.. how can you do this without ever saying anything to him?

"Any tips on my reaction?"

Don't have one. Write it out here and discuss it. Take the 48 hours. Be clear to him that you need some thinking time. Simple enough?

"Also, I took off my engagement ring and wedding band. Did it for myself to get used to it. But it is giving the wrong signal to my H? Should I put them back on?"

This is just a personal choice. You do what you are comfortable with. Don't take it off just because you want to see if he will say anything.

Any update on his 'plan'?

My WAS took her rings off as well. First she took off her wedding ring end of July. Was wearing her anniv ring in place of it till about 2 weeks ago. I'm uncertain if this was to remind herself or me???