Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers She is pregnant

Here it is in all it's glory...

"OK. Let me just start by saying that the reason I haven't told you yet was because I was worried you would become very upset and wouldn't be able to handle this, but I realized how much you have grown through all of this, and it is not fair for me to assume you can't handle information. You seem to be doing really well for yourself and Em. I am really proud of your changes. I apologize, because though I know how you have matured, I am aware that this news is probably still painful to you, and I am very sorry for that. Please know I didn't plan for this to happen right now, especially with the emotional turmoil I have felt this past year. A little while after daddy died, while I was in the middle of grieving. I realized I accidentally got pregnant. Although this probably would have happenened a year or so from now, this was not planned. I was completely surprised...I din't even know how to tell my mom. She does know now, and if you need someone to talk toabout this I'm sure she would be happy to hear from you. She is in LA right now and is on her cell. I haven't even told anyone at work yet, but enough time has passed, and I have done a lot of grieving for daddy and soul searching. I am happy. I love Emily and she will always come first for me. I will always take wonderful care of her, and she will be a great big sister. Please don't let that worry you. I am just sorry that my timing is so careless. The last thing I wanted to do was cause you more pain. I hope you are well, like I think you are, and I hope you find happiness."

Funny.

I could have said it with two words...

It took her more...

CS

if she hadn't gotten pregnant, but admitted being intimate with OM then,

would that change things?


OR, is it that she said "Would have happened anyhow, but later..." that gets to you the most?


I think she's mortified and realizes that you are a better man now. And she fears she just erased any chance of a recon with you down the road.

So she's got to make the best of it and put the best spin on it.

If she were simply thrilled with this "oops" event, she'd have worded it without all the justifications and extra words.

It's filled with her way of being remorseful. (But in fairness, no woman wants to say she "regrets" a pregnancy of a child she's carrying/keeping)

Doesn't change the pain perhaps.

But there are couples we met at Retrovaille and one around here somewhere on DB,

who have reconciled and raised the child as if it came from another R/marriage and blended the child in. (And it DID come from another r...)

It can happen...

are you ruling anything in or out now?

And if your r with MIL is still good, why not call her?

((( )))

I want to do a little translation, with the proviso that I might not get it all right, or any of it right, but I'm going on a hunch...IF you'll permit me



Of course it did CS. She loves you. I recall the funeral and the whole event and how she was so touched by your presence. I know, not "touched" enough...

Maybe we should have said "REACH OUT AND TOUCH HER...literally!" But you went on the best info you had at the time.

And there have been many m's on this site and elsewhere, that clearly were not meant to be--but had still produced children who are treasured and adored.

5 years from now, who knows where she'll be, or you?

Your D will need you even more than before.

Show up for D, as always. Try not to let the rest of "this" get into your soul.

You are a great man CS and this #$%^, will pass...


((( )))

^^^^^ Is probably true.

Reading her note, it seems like she is still headed down the magical path she has created in her mind.

The maturity thing is interesting.

I'm sure she probably didn't choose to do this to cause you more pain, though. Especially given the costs she's going to bear..

Sending compassion your way, bud.

I actually got a chuckle out of this 25. Thanks. I know... It is screaming with justifications...because....their needed...without them? Then what?

What is the line?

"This too shall pass"

a proverb indicating that all material conditions, positive or negative, are temporary.

It shall...



I agree gabby.

As always...

I truly appreciate everyone's support...

Wow...

What a life...

I may have surpassed my name country song...

Jerry Springer seems to make more sense now...

Lol!

So sorry, CS. But in a perverse way, this may be freeing for you.

So....think about what kind of adventurous new life you want to envision for yourself?

THIS!

Country, I'm so sorry to hear this and cant even imagine what you're going through.
Stay strong man!

C_S
I am so sorry. How devastating to you. This news would crush many.
I believe you have the tools and the ability to forgive much, even this, if there was a possibility of reconciliation in the future, if you desired it and she did too.

The future is yet unwritten C_S, you have grown so very much.