Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy My faith gives me the courage to move forward

if something happened to h like a heart attack or suicide because i filed, i could never forgive myself

Then you have your answer. Do nothing, ever. Literally.

If he uses up all the money living life with OW, so what?

If there's no money left for you, so what? You'll be fine...you like working a lot.

And Your son? Well....whatever. He can enlist in the military.

All that really matters to you, is that your h not feel uncomfortable. What if he gets physically upset, (or says he did?)

(AS IF YOU COULD POSSIBLY BE THE CAUSE OF HIS PAIN OR KNOW---b/c

HE'D BE HOME BY NOW IF THAT WERE THE CASE...HE LEFT YOU...how much can it hurt him?

OH WAIT...MAYBE THE MONEY ISSUES AND THE LEGAL IMPLICATIONS FRIGHTEN HIM...BETTER TO LEAVE HIM ALONE THAN FORCE HIM TO ADDRESS ANY...You two are the most conflict avoidant people I have heard of...

Sorry, but you really flatter yourself too much here...I guess at some level that comforts you.)

This is the worst excuse for inaction I have ever seen. IT'S NOT HEALTHY.

But you have your answer now...Enjoy Stuckville, population YOU.


how's that feel?

cruel?

In all likelihood he's spending More now and earning less

so you are losing funds as we type...

You prefer doing nothing. It's the approach you've taken the whole 4 years...and here you still are.

Who knows how many assets are gone? How much income is lessening...

Rys, I have a hard time watching you play the helpless, "terrified of all options", woman. Very frustrating to see a grown woman choosing permanent paralysis. You can only blame your dysfunctional childhood for so long. We are all adults Responsible for our choices.
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I'm really Sorry to say this but

I suspect if he really got physically ill at being served,

it would have NOTHING to do with you, personally.

It's all about the money, and what might be discovered.
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You tell me what isn't cruel about that?

Rys-

Filing is obviously not where you are at, and it is NEVER the DB advice, because the consequence can be final. It is the AFTER the Last Resort Technique. I find you have made small progress over the years, but your posters are always worried for you.

What is YOUR GOAL? What do YOU think is the best thing for you to do to bring you closer to your goal?

sg

Rys-

I didn't finish my thought on the end of the first paragraph--'your posters are always worried for you':

I myself have been worried for you, too. Why do you think that is? If you re-read your posts, what do you come up with?

(After that--what are your goals....etc)

Does anyone think that rysmom isn't a real person sometimes? I mean going back over the threads, alot of them don't make sense. Like how she and her H are broke, yet he bought a Bentley, etc. It just seems really odd. And how she doesn't answer any questions fully.

Just saying.

sgctxok,

I'm respectfully asking, assuming that Rysmom is accurate in her assessment about how much her H has spent and is spending during their 4 year separation, what would you suggest as a way to protect her and their son's financial future if she doesn't do it by filing?

Yes.

If that is true, then call me a big fool. But, I have known people as scared as rysmom. So afraid of what might happen in any situation, they do nothing. I was that terrified myself.
If things are on the up and up, then lets figure out how rysmom can protect herself without filing for a D, which every fiber in her being tells her not to do. I think her state, which does not have legal separation, has an alternative that does not include filing for D.
Maybe she needs to have a talk with her H, and ask him what he intends to do, or if he plans to live this way forever.
vc

More importantly...what would get her to actually do something, anything, about her situation. Whether it's talking to her H, a L, IC, something.

We can all recommend till we're blue in the face, but unless rysmom CHOOSES to do something rather than lip service, nothing is going to change.

I understand if she's scared. But let's face it, the excuses are getting wilder and wilder. I mean, now she's afraid to do anything because it might cause H a heart attack? I mean, he's living with OW who is offering him emotional, physical and sexual support and she's saying she's afraid of causing him harm? We all know that's just cover for her fear. So unless she chooses to want to stop being miserable, she will remain miserable while her H is having the time of his life.