Many condolences, my wise friend. I can only imagine what you're going through right now. Keep your chin up and hang in there. If this is really what kind of direction your W wants for her life, then I'm sure that you truly want no part of her. (Somehow, I can't help feeling that she will look back on it one day and think, "What the *bleep* was I thinkinng?!" Likely nothing at all.)
Country Song, I'm going to post something that may merely be a reflection of my own personal bitterness right now, so ignore it if you don't think applies, but here goes...
The OM must be shi**ing his pants right about now.
Me: 35 Him: 43 Together: 19 1/2 years 1st Bomb (IDLYAM): March 2011 2nd Bomb (OW): April 2011 He abandons home/bills/everything: May 2011 He's bought a new house for OW: September 2011
We are called to forgive. Forgiveness, for me, has been a process of being raised beyond the hurt and anger that was trapping me. One of my friends has a good description of the word ‘resentment’ as ‘unresolved emotion’, emotion that gets ‘sent’ through you over and over, cycling and festering and growing and continuing to make you feel it. Forgiveness breaks that.
The other type of tolerance has limits. It is an outward or functional jurisdictional tolerance regarding right and wrong. This is where accountability and boundaries come into play. It means that one cannot honestly allow a relationship to continue with the same kind of closeness if there is a total disregard for the mutually agreed upon rules of the relationship and respect.
However, even though there will be compassion it does not mean being a 'doormat'. At times there also must be consequences... a backing away from the relationship in a physical or functional way.
We all have (or should have) boundaries set up for ourselves. They can’t always be “fixed” as certain situations just aren’t black and white. Some are clearer than others. Some can be crossed, others danced on the edge of, and yet different ones are not even approachable.
It’s those gray areas that can really define a situation. No one is perfect, I’m not, and neither are any of the people that I know and love.
I think one of the questions I'm examining is, "When am I being a forgiving person, and when am I making excuses for someone treating me badly and just being a doormat?"
I want to be a nice, kind, loving, forgiving person. Everyone slips up once in a while and if we can’t forgive other people, how can we expect people to forgive us when we screw up?
Only you can answer your boundaries, what you are willing to accept what you are not.
Damn Country. This totally sukks. My heart goes out to you and your D.
Be well my friend.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
Focus on you and your D. Realize that her text is not about her not caring about you.. it's that she doesn't care about herself.
I'm sure you have a ton of feelings. Give yourself time to experience them all.. Then and only after then, will you be able to have the clear head that is needed to make the best decision for CS.
((( )))
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
but what do you think your w thinks or feels about the joyous news? And your spin on her mom's comment?
Oh, not so joyous? Not convenient, for sure...
but for your w to let you know a message was coming "in writing" so she didn't have to hear your silence...or see your face...
am I allowed to enjoy that a tiny bit?
BTW, may I assume you have not responded b/c -- what's to say?
(oh wait, "CONGRATS!" is a possibility...but
me thinks too soon)
Oh bro', I'm sorry...
here are the appropriate emoticons since I cannot combine them into one...
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
