Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy My faith gives me the courage to move forward

H did not "come back" when I filed for a sep. I just protected our assets and would have filed for a div, probably except my L talked me out of it.

She said she had "hopes for us to recon" and she was right. Had nothing to do with filing as far as I know. In fact he was upset with ME for filing...talk about wacky thinking.

Also I have no idea if there was an OW up in Alaska. I think if there was an OW she wasn't there but would have been in training with him, b/c H was constantly asking me to join him up there.

I assume he dated sporadically (as did I ). Strangely, I don't feel threatened by that at all.


Most of the dating I did (but not all) confirmed for me that h was a good selection of h for me, (when he wasn't in MLC land.)

rys, my h's behavior dramatically changed when he went off the edge. But it was, as it turns out, only for a time, and he changed back about 90%.

HOWEVER It was after I truly let him go and moved on with my life that I saw clear movements of the type I needed. Yes I think that made a difference b/c he realized he was likely to lose me and the kids...

and I felt increasingly good about my life's prospects with or without him.

I don't see your h as changing back on his own.

And I can't see much of a downside to you filing.

IF there is a chance of your h waking up, my guess would be that it would only happen if he actually feared losing you

or if it got to be too expensive to divorce and that pressured him to return to the table to see if things could improve.

PS

My h doesn't recall the sep and asset protection well. But he said several months ago that HE was "glad WE didn't mortgage the house" for his heroes to invest in Alaska with

or we'd have lost the house. Interesting that he recalls it as a joint decision. It wasn't. And at the time, he was pissed.

But I had seen well into 6 figures in asset$$ just gone-- in his crazy time...and I was not going to lose the family home too.

I took the chance that it would worsen things between us by filing, and temporarily it did.

But in the end, I had kids and a home to protect. I owed them & myself some financial security even if it meant losing h for good.

Ironically, seems it's something h is grateful for now.

when i served my h with d papers in summer of '10 he got mad and physically sick i remember he was suppose to go out with son and he cancellled saying he was sick. h use to get pain down his arm and neck. i worry too that h or i could have a heart attack going thru d. i have not been feeling right lately. i had heart checked 2 yrs ago and dr. said i have a weak vagus nerve but nothing can be done for it. thats why i have low bp and fainted 2 yrs ago.

He's manipulating you.

More excuses. So in other words, you want to stay stuck and miserable and there's nothing you can do.

When you described the fainting spell you first had, it sounded to me like a panic attack. I had one in my C office. It was weird and I though I was having a heart attack, and I nearly passed out. I have had fainting spells once in a great while since I was about 16. It's embarrassing in public, but unless your heart is having problems, you are probably all right. Dehydration can also cause your BP to lower, and you can faint.

Anyway, your H seems to be keeping you on the hook. What do you think he wants for the future? Is it maybe if he doesn't get a D from you, he can tell ow he can't M her? You said friends told you he was acting like a Don Juan a few years ago. That he may not have had only one ow in the past. What do you believe he will eventually do? Do you want him back the way he is? Would he want to come back to you the way you are?
You are making yourself sick and miserable staying like this. I am not saying for you to file for a D. I think you could put that aside for now, and just work on you. You need therapy really badly. Someone not to talk to just about your H and M, but intensive with you about what you are doing to your spirit, hurting who you are inside. You can't go on like this forever. Have you finished school yet? Will you be able to support yourself if you have to? You said you have some sort of disability? Will that interfere with your ability to support yourself and your S?
Have a nice evening, I hope your S is enjoying his senior year.
vc

i started a new class wed. algebra. my son is doing well. he is taking really interesting classes this yr. so it will be a fun yr. for him. we have decided on the college he wants to go to, im really glad about that. it has a very good program for his major. He wants to stay home for college. he is really into photography and has a good friend he does that with often.
i played tennis on thurs. with some new people, just subbing for the group. i start the singles tennis league mon. one of the ladies i played with thurs. jokingly said " dont come to sub next time, stay home" cuz my serve is about 100 mph, and most could not return it. i really love playing tennis.

Rysmom,

Can I ask why you seldom address people's questions to you? What are you afraid of?

The people on these boards can be a major help to you, you just have to let them in.

Well, it's good that you have something like tennis you are so passionate about. I bet you light up when it's time to play. Sports are a great way to help get you more positive. Bring that positivity into the rest of your life.
You make me want to go out and play basketball right now!

I'm glad your S is taking classes he likes, senior year last year for my S was great, now he just started his freshman year in college, and loves it. He is also staying at home and driving over each day. My S, like your S is into photography. Is your S involved with his schools yearbook or literary magazine? Have you and he started looking at scholarship possibilities? Check out fastweb, and fill out the form there, putting in info about you, your H, and you S, and they can help match him to scholarships. My S's college gave him an academic scholarship of ten thousand a year for four years. Of course, his C's at school have probably already told you all this.

When will you graduate from school? My sister, whose PREACHER H left her for ow, went back to school a bit at a time, and got her associates degree, and now is almost done with her BA.

I really hope as time goes on, you can get better at being happier with yourself and your life. Is there a way that you could use the college coming up thing to speak with your H about what you can expect from him as far as finances go? And to open up a talk about things in general?

Well, I hope your Saturday is a fun one, my S wants me to help him with fixing up one of our old cars. Luckily, I have a bit of testosterone that makes me like to do stuff like that, and to watch guy movies like Dumb and Dumber!!
vc

I cant get into the radiology program til next sept, cuz i need this algebra class. after that it will be about a yr and a half i think.
Yesterday i text h and asked if any dough came yet, cuz thats what he use to call money. I told him i needed $ for vet, sons college app., and pool closing ( its in ground and i dont know how to do it) i would like to learn though. he said not yet and said his mother is not doing well bp 80/50. he asked how things were here and asked how the dogs were, cuz his mother had dream they were sick. i said i hoped mother got better and that i would go say a prayer for her.
the alternator on my car is bad. h has a friend thats a mechanic. i text mechanic but got no response. i was going to text h to ask him to call him but decided i dont need his help (but he would pay for it if friend did it) ill take it to another garage. i was going to do it myself but a lot of fan belts are attached to it and hard to get to, and i dont think i could . im mechanical but not that mechanical.