Keep journalling your feelings and the sitch here but REALLY look at what Faith asked you.
It leads me to this:
You have a lot more illustrations.....
NOW more than ever you should pursue that. We both know that art (painting, music, etc) is an EMOTIONAL vent. And it's likely a HUGE part of who you were when you and he met....before kids, mortgages, etc.
That is exactly what Faith was talking about.
Find all the good stuff about you from 'then' and now simply work on the bad baggage and habits you accumulated and replace them with, new, smarter, DB relationship skills.
You'll find that DOING the things you lost (or gave up) will speed the 'original you" back into the present Lucky.
In essence, become a Lucky Greatest Hits CD!!
It may not save your M but it will certainly SAVE YOU!!
That's the most important things here AND the best way to save it if it can be saved.
Whoops - sorry, AK... how did I miss this post!? My apologies.
Thank you kindly... yes, I must start drawing again... I've known for a long time that my salvation lays in creation... I must start drawing.. and drawing obsessively.. it's just so hard to pick up that pencil and I'm not sure quite why. Depressive procrastination? A shift in priorities? I must find a way to shift my priorities back to my art. With both kids entering school this year.. hopefully I'll find some more time for that.
Well.... I did good. I DBed like a champ... even tho' I knew it was coming. I could sense it.. I could smell it.
He's not going to be coming home. He's going to find someplace else to live. He has stated that we're now separated. He wants a divorce.
There were lots of tears. Lots of hugs. He has apologized profusely for the evils he has done me. He is so sorry. He just doesn't want to be in a relationship with me. More apologies about him being an awful husband. He spent a long time beating himself up.
I let him know that I care for him very much. And that he is very special to me. And I wished him luck on the journey he has to take without me.
He's gone now. Gone to take a drive somewhere.
I've finished up my crying. Now I just ache.. numb... my head is throbbing.
You won't have deal so much with the drama anymore.
You're right in your post above. Now is the time to really start GAL'ing. Find yourself. Surround yourself with positive, supportive people. Be strong for your kids.
I told my mother this morning. (They live on the same street as me so I can't hide the fact that his car isn't here anymore.) She's fuming.... which doesn't make this any easier. "Well... he's done it again.. he's cheating on you." I pointed out that I don't have concrete proof of that. She pointed out that it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out if he's sleeping at another woman's house.
I don't want her to think ill of him.. but I also can't protect him.
First - sorry that you are having this experience. It sounds like you've got your share of battle scars already, and obviously much of what you have been doing has been good for you to do.
I think a lot of what you have been doing is the right track to be on. We all have to develop as a single self - so you have got that going for you.
At this point, the more you can detach and remove your emotional 'linkage' to him, the less topsy turvy things will probably feel.
M: 32 W: 29 T: 9 Years M: 4 Years I hit rock bottom: 2/11 PA admitted: 4/11 WAW: 5/11 D filed: 6/11 now: Patience, wisdom, and growth - hopefully.
On the plus side.. my stock did go up from last night's talk.. the way I DBed and interacted with him. He admitted that he was very lost (altho' dead certain on not wanting to be married to me) and that I was, in his words "very insightful" and "a rock" for him.
He's thinking of moving into K's house (no surprise there) and is going to figure out how to pay her rent and partial groceries while also taking care of us.
Boy... am I tired of feeling so easily cast aside.
