Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers She's STILL running away!!!!

Very good perspective. Thank you.

I had a great couple of days with the kids. We went camping again and out on my Brother’s boat. I played on the beach quite a bit with the kids and they played with some other kids they met there. There were a couple of times that I thought of what a shame it was that my W wasn’t there but didn’t dwell on it. I met a few new people and more importantly, I opened up and was much more personable with some of my brother’s friends. Met an attractive single woman that I knew was “in to me”. That made me feel good. Confidence is building.

Not a lot of contact with W until today. She sent a text yesterday asking if I could bring the kids home this morning so she could spend time with them, I was supposed to have them all day. She had been working for 2 days getting caught up so I said sure. We actually got along ok this morning. Had a little chit chat and both interacted with kids a little…until of course she had to try to create a conflict. I am now surprised when she doesn’t do this. I handled it pretty well. She left for movies with the kids.

She started zinging me texts fast and furious. I’m ignoring her needs, not respecting her, not fair to me…..etc. Unbelievable (well not really anymore). She says she wants to focus on the kids when she’s with them and she’s the one trying to start a text war. Must be because she didn’t get me fired up face to face.

I ended it by telling to enjoy her time with the boys.

We are supposedly meeting Weds night to have “the talk”. Now that should be interesting. I need to really keep my cool. I know she will not. We are planning to go somewhere public to discuss it. I think it’s a good idea since it may help keep emotions in check.

Well, I officially don’t think I want this anymore. W just told me to expect some court filings. She told her atty she feels “threatened” by me, etc. Filing to basically force what we supposed to talk about tomorrow night.

Very insulting. I would never hurt my W. I now have to defend that in court. Tough to DB out of this one.

I called her Dad to let him know that he has no need to feel concerned about his daughter and that I have nothing but the best interest of my kids in mind.

Again raw emotions here...

ro,

sorry she resorted to this. It's not an unusual tactic so please know that courts have seen it before.


You DO have a lawyer, right? If not, you'll be in trouble so don't be penny wise and pound foolish by not having one.

Simply take the high road. RO, if you are SURE you have given her no reason
to fear you, then
tell her you are disappointed she'd stoop to this (or she needs psychiatric care).

And hold your head high. Don't dignify it too much with a lot of debate but be clear about your denial. And call your L asap.

I definitely wouldn't meet her to have a talk with her especially when she says that she feels "threatened" by you. Tell her you don't appreciate her accusations and would feel uncomfortable about meeting her based on that.

If you still insist on going, then be sure you have someone there as a witness. Someone who is on your side. If she starts ranting about that, you can gently remind her that you are just looking after your interests for now because of her accusations.

You have to start protecting yourself.

Oh and stop giving in to what she wants. She missed out on seeing the kids, tough. She chose to live like this. Not you.

My W did the same thing before. There was a night I went out and had my parents watch my kids. My W ranted about it and before she got too far along in it, I stopped her and told her that the kids were on my time and I had the right to have them be watched by whomever I chose on my time. That slapped a little bit of reality back into her.

MLC...just a few more little tidbits. She says she wants to "keep the lawyers out of this". She has filed two things in the last week. Her bill thus far is prob North of $5000, mine is $630.

It is insulting the way she acts. We were talking today. I stood up (normally) to go look out the window in the living room and she took a step back and cowered a little like Jack the Ripper just jumped out from behind a dumpster (a little exaggeration here).

I am no longer trying to help her. It is so sad it's come to this. No more leaving the house to "give her space". No more sitting in my room for the same purpose. I'm not trying to be ugly but I'm done going out of my way.

She has made me a frickin monster in her head.

Time to start recording conversations.

It seems I have failed at one aspect of DBing....saving my marriage. I do feel better about myself which ultimately is more important.

Just venting...I feel my life on this site may be coming to an end as a result of this nosedive.

W just came into the living room and tried to talk reason with me. "Why don't we just go tomorrow night and figure this out?" "I'm sick of the fighting". I told her it was equivalent to punching a guy in the face in the bar and asking him to sit down and talk it out.

I'm considering giving the W a link to my threads.

How's that for a new "Last Resort Technique"???

don't do it the publicizing of your thread. It's not as helpful to you as you believe, for one.

ASSUMING SHE FILED FOR A PROTECTIVE ORDER AGAINST YOU as opposed to a standard cooling off of 10 days motion....(SO, understand that this note is premised on that Protective Order assumption, okay?)

IF So, IMO, you'd be a fool to go anywhere with her without an adult witness, OR only meet in public places. AND OR Tape the meetings if you like and do it openly so she knows how seriously you take this and how far over the line she has gone.

IMO
She needs to retract that motion and frickin' apologize OR there's nothing to talk "in private" about.

Worse, IF she is starting to believe it herself then nothing you "agree to" will be worth the paper it's not written on anyhow.

You worry about the costs but Paying $10k for lawyers in the next few months will save you a lot of heartache in the long run, and probably save you money too,

when compared to facing domestic abuse charges, losing a job b/c of that, or being found not guilty, but always having to answer on every job application you fill out, that you were once charged with that. It's a big pain in the butt.

I had a physician client whose batchit crazy teenager d went thru a terrible spell. SHE alleged my client had abused her when he restrained her from hitting her mother, who was disabled with a brain tumor. I kid you not.

The brilliant and insightful (and professionally envious) social worker, without the benefit of a judge or lawyer or witness, found the claim "substantiated" but no charges were filed b/c when a real lawyer at the district attorney's office saw it, he said "no way is there sufficient evidence...what were you thinking?"

So the charges went nowhere but the finding of "substantiated" by a social worker, stuck to him like dog poop.

The next year when the doctor and his family relocated, he was NOT granted privileges at the hospital that had hired him, nor was he able to get a medical license for over 7 months...unemployed waitiing...and flying back to the one state his license was still secure in, 2300 miles away.

All b/c of the "domestic abuse" charge that wasn't actually a charge. Also could not get a hunting license as he was no longer allowed to own a gun in the new state...had to hire a lawyer in the new state to appeal that, and spent close to $50k trying to undo a non conviction!

This crap can haunt you. Don't skimp on the "legal insurance" costs your wife just hiked up.

YES RO, I am a L so you can say "oh, 25 is biased..." but the thing is, I am actually well informed and justly paranoid.

I don't believe this WILL happen to you, but I'm telling you it CAN happen to you. Protect yourself. Your wife's request to settle it privately after filing such a motion means she's either planning an ambush or is clueless about what she has done. I suspect the latter. If you can tell her without anger but with the type of concern you'd have if the biopsy results were still pending...then tell her what the consequences of this can be...what was the goal of that motion? (Boy, I'd make it clear she did not reach that goal, OR if there is some validity to her fears, then take it in and admit it and see how you are perceived...)



If she filed for a PO, she's lost the right to ask for a "sit down" talk. You cannot afford that anymore. You value your freedom too much. She crossed the line.

Maybe you two can work things out but without a HUGE recognition of what she has done, and how much more it will cost both of you now, how? And

what's the point of pretending it's all cool? Don't enable.

I have to figure out a DB answer for the rest of your sitch but as a L I say again, protect yourself. It's also a way of protecting the kids too.

Sorry RO.

A protective order is standard cut throat lawyer tactic (sorry to my lawyer friends)

But it is employed to fight for custody and as a strong arm tactic in negotiating out the details. Also to get you out the marital home if you are still there.

Dirty? Yes.

Stay away from her. Stay away from where she lives, works and breaths.

And get a lawyer.

I'm so sorry RO that she has resorted to this. She must be very angry and very guilty.

Listen to the folks above. Put all your focus on protecting you and allow her to feel the consequences of her actions.

((( )))