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Yes, you've come so far, DG. I can see in the way you've shared with this board. I know what you're saying - I think I had some walls built up, too, that are coming down. That's fantastic that you've grown so much through this!

Today is very fall-like weather wise and my allergies are driving me CRAZY!

My friend is in town again until tomorrow and we are meeting up tonight for dinner. I can't wait to see him!

Journaling----

Went out with my friend who was in town for the holiday weekend last night. Had a great time. He left early this morning and I'll see him again probably over Thanksgiving.
Hard to think that the holidays will be here before I know it, and I'll be spending them without my H. It makes me sad to think about so I try not to. When it gets here I'll deal.
Got home late, but feeling good this morning. I'm glad for the extra day off of work. Today I plan on relaxing and catching up on my domestic duties.
It feels like fall in the air and I love it.

DG:
Glad you had a good weekend. Enjoy your day. I am in the upper Midwest as well, and fall is definately in the air!

Journaling---

Today was uneventful for the most part. Spent a good majority of it watching TV and relaxing. I did get some domestic things done around the house and went for a walk, but that was the extent of it.

A good friend of mine and her bf have decided to break up. He started moving his stuff out today so I went over there to be with her because she was so upset. I hate this. I hate that we all have to experience such pain. Nothing hurts more than a broken heart.
On my way home, I couldn't help but think about my H. About how much I miss him. About how many times I came home from work with him waiting anxiously to see me and I blew him off. The dishes were more important. Laundry had to be done. Pretty much everything was a priority.
What I wouldn't give for the opportunity to have him be here, to come home and throw my arms around him and kiss him and tell him how much I had missed him while I was at work.
I miss so much. Lying in bed together, him walking behind me with his arms around me while I pushed the cart at the grocery store.
The crazy silly videos he would send me through out the day if I was having a bad day at work.

Yes, we had rough times. Very rough times. We also had great times. I used to say he was my one and only and he'd say I was his only and one.

As I sit here writing all of this with tears streaming down my face, all I want is one more chance. Just one more to show him how much he is loved and missed and that I will never, ever take him for granted again. All those times he professed his love for me but it was never good enough. I was in an emotional coma and I couldn't see anything but myself, and my own pain.
I was so selfish.

I know it is pointless to beat myself up over something I can't change, but I'm feeling hopeless & helpless at the same time. More than ANYTHING I just want my H to come home. To rebuild with me.
I know, I know. I want, I want, I want.

I'm feeling very broken tonight. I could use some prayers.

Hugs. I know the feeling. I too used to think the kids, the washing, meals etc were more important then H and brushed him off. I just want one more chance - here's hoping one of us will get that.

Agreed Julz and DG. Good energy and hugs to you both. I wish I could make it ok for you both. You are good women. I truly see that from your posts.

m

DG, you're always in my prayers. I am feeling melancholy tonight, too, and I missing my W terribly. It must be something in the air.

(((DG))))

DG, your post brought me to tears.. I could have written most of it myself. No words can fix or change how we feel. I can't tell you how many times I've also wished for a second chance. I'm so sorry and I will say a prayer for you tonight.

Good morning-

I am feeling a little bit better this morning. Not much, but a little.
How I wish I could have slept in again this morning.

At least it isn't Monday.