I miss him. I miss his smell, his passion, the feel of his hand in mine, his hugs.
God I miss the smell of my husband. So sad that I didn't keep one of his shirts or something. I used to snuggle into his back in bed and just smell him - he thought I was weird but I love to just cuddle and smell him.
This is what I never had in my R. This is the kind of stuff I wanted and became angry over. But I knew she was not this type of W. So I should have never waited for it and maybe I would not be here. just my 2c
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
I miss him. I miss his smell, his passion, the feel of his hand in mine, his hugs.
God I miss the smell of my husband. So sad that I didn't keep one of his shirts or something. I used to snuggle into his back in bed and just smell him - he thought I was weird but I love to just cuddle and smell him.
This is what I never had in my R. This is the kind of stuff I wanted and became angry over. But I knew she was not this type of W. So I should have never waited for it and maybe I would not be here. just my 2c
Lol. And that sort of stuff wasn't enough for my H. Isn't life crazy.
H 34, W 36 T 13.5 M 8.5 C 6yo twins S 6/5/11 OW 7/6/11 OW moves in 9/18/11
Julz that is his loss. Some guys are just too stupid to see all they have. For me I'm a pretty low maintenance H. Take care of almost every need for myself and the family. But I did it wrong. I should have made changes to make myself more attractive to W so maybe I could get those things. Instead I got angry and yelled for it pushing her away even more. Live and learn and yes life is crazy.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Being loving and co-dependent at this point is not going to work.
F him right now. You will get NO WHERE feeling the loss.
I took in everything you said and am still chewing on it. I like these two above sentences the most. I am working on it... everyday is a step forward... heh, and sometimes backwards...
Yes... life it crazy. And funny.. in that ironic sort of way..
H works "on call" on the weekends at his parents apartment buildings. So every Saturday (my only day where I have a full day of work) I drop the kids off at their grandparents, where H also is, for "Daddy Saturdays" as we've been calling it for two years.
Drop off good. Friendly hug. Idle chitchat. Noticeable emotional distance between us. Sigh. Oh well.
Then I bid him good day, hoped he had a good time with the kids and I got into my car. Then I almost cried... so angry with myself. I had spent the ride over detaching... and yes.. even allowing myself to get a little angry with him, which I usually don't do... using that small spark of anger to help myself distance myself from him.
Then I got into the car and nearly wept. Thank goodness, not in front of him. These tears are for me alone now.. I won't share them with someone who doesn't love me... not even if he's still a good friend.
I'm getting to a point of acceptance now (or at least... for "this moment"... who knows how I'll feel tomorrow.. :S) where I know the answer is to start withdrawing myself. I will still be his friend... but I'm going to stop being his wife.. if I can. It's time for me to pull back.
Gotta start filling the void now. Good thing there is lots to do.
"Poor Libra... the changes are coming at you so fast and furious you don't know what to think. Rely on the advice of trusted friends."
I think that's the wonderful posters here!
My parents dropped off a Slurpee for me at work today. Tomorrow my folks, my kids and I will head out to the family farm for my father's birthday party and stay there overnight and part of holiday Monday.
Over the course of the summer I had opted out of family outings on long weekends b/c I knew H would have the holiday Monday or Friday off I wanted to be able to spend the day with him as a family. I made sure I was available. Now I'm going to make myself unavailable. Spending holiday Monday with him will bear no fruit.
I made a FB status update last night which was a quote that read:
"When there is judgment, there is no love. When there is love, there is no judgement. We are not here to fix others, we are not here to fix ourselves. We are here to love others, we are here to love ourselves. When the gardener lovingly nurtures the seed, it grows by itself, into it's magnificent fullness. It's only song all day and night is "Thank you, Thank you, Thank you. For loving me and believing in me!" - Nithya Shanti"
I am not actively seeking out H's FB updates but we are still FB friends. This morning he commented underneath that quote.
"It's too bad in this world of ours it's believed that this love can only be given to one person... I mean what gardener only has one plant in the garden? More people need to love more for this world to be a better place. :)"
This goes right along with so many of our previous conversations where he has stressed to me that he doesn't love me romantically, only platonically... and that he has room in his heart to love many people.. all platonically.. and all on the same level. Me.. who has known him for 16 years and K, who has known him for 2 months. It's all the same love to him right now.... he says.
I'm just another face in the crowd to him.
Well.... enough melancholia... just thought I'd ramble a bit.
Boy do I sympathize. The idea that our husbands can walk away from us, after years together .. and immediately replace us with someone they've known for a few months .. is demoralizing.
((hugs))
H: 39, Me: 37 SD: 18, S: 7 M: 9, T: 10 "I love you but am not in love with you" - 5/11 Discovered online affair - 7/11
I won't. It's just an extension of everything we've been talking about for the past month. I don't want to talk about this anymore...
In fact... I think I'm going to be the one who stops bringing up R talk. I don't want to talk R, at all. His answers are always the same and always trickle back to the "I don't love you and I never did.. and I'm so sorry for lying to you all these years, I just wanted to make you happy."... or a variant of that.
Nope... I don't want to talk R at all. Not anymore... not right now, at least. H is going to see me stop reaching out... I look at him and I feel such pain... time to stop doing that to myself. I'm withdrawing.
Going to concentrate very hard on enjoying myself this weekend.
Tomorrow my folks, my kids and I will head out to the family farm for my father's birthday party and stay there overnight and part of holiday Monday.