Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers In the eye of my storm

Thanks for the encouragement JB and CS.

I wanted to get my feelings out about dealing with the pain my kids are in. This is the best place to do it. I don't discuss it with the W.

There were plenty of positives from the W over the weekend. Of course sticking to the script, she pulled back yesterday.

Being away from your kids is very tough. I felt it in my first M. I am glad you had a chance to spend some good times with them.

LITB moving closer to them will surely give you and them some added benefit and a stronger R. I am glad you and your W are being civil and I am no way trying to be the voice of negativity here, just the little voice that tells you to proceed with both eyes opened.

We teeter back and forth often with being the better person and over kindness….

What do I mean?

While I am not one to always endorsee the tough approach it is easy to get pulled in little by little by a simple act of kindness or some interest from our WAS. What could be a passing statement can turn, in our heads, into a sign that they are turning or wanting back in. When it does not happen we become heartbroken again. It is reliving the pain over and over and after a while it becomes anger and resentment.

Why do I say this

Because as you make a big decision to move and your W shows signs or civility towards you I would like for you to keep the focus of your children as your primary focus and let your W fall into the place she has requested to be………second.

Not as a punishment or out of anger but simply as a means of self-protection and to keep working on building that bond you have with your kids.

It is a fine line being kind back to her and becoming too available and you must find that on you own.

I hope it makes sense

^^^^^ Wisdom

Agreed. Great post 2.

Never doubt that you can achieve your goals, no matter how lofty they may be and no matter how many critics and naysayers you may have. But at the same time, always take honest stock of your current situation. Don’t lie to yourself for fear of short-term embarrassment or discomfort, because such deception will only come back to defeat you in the end.

That was a great post indeed 2step. As always, I appreciate your words of wisdom.

I had typed something up last night and my computer locked up...then closed my session.

Your post makes perfect sense. Admittedly, I am guilty of reading too much into my W's actions/words and being too available. It sure can be a challenge, however it is of the utmost importance to focus on myself and my children. My W can not be a priority.

You've said it before. If she decides that she wants back into our relationship, it must be as clear as when she wanted out. I very much keep that in mind. There has been no clear indication from her making any movement towards reconciliation.

I hope you are doing well my friend.

Hey LITB. How are you doing?. I was away for a bit and lot of things have happened!. Great that you got to have a good time with your kids.



Trust me, this will be a rollercoaster for your emotions. Because the WAS can turn their emotions on a dime. Be careful not to peg your emotions on your wife. Redirect it instead on your kids.

I am actually doing great myk. Thanks for asking.



When I read too much into my W's actions, I do keep the reality in perspective in order to protect myself emotionally as much as possible.

Here are some examples from this past weekend:
1) Why did she agree to have lunch with me?
2) Why did she suggest that we go as a family to a college football game on Saturday?
3) Why did she agree to a movie and dinner as a family on Monday? I never told her it was for her birthday.

I'd like to think that I am drawing her back to me, however the reality is that she thinks that everything is alright despite a broken family. A justification of her decision in her mind.

I did turn her down to go to the football game as we already had plans.

I suppose that it can be viewed as a positive, since it allows me to demonstrate what she is throwing away. Perhaps someday she will realize that she made a mistake. I just cannot count on it, because it is not healthy.

As of this moment, my M is dead and I must live my life as so.

If you want your sanity, i'd try not to go that side of thinking. It just ends up in disappointment.

In my case the more i tried to do anything where there was a teeniest amount of redirection toward wife, it just ended up bad because most of the time wife would care less.

Nowadays i just do stuff because i wanna do it. Not because i think wife might see something there. At-least it makes me happy. I think i am really starting to care less about how it affects wife. whether she learns something or not.

I dunno. At-least for me, it keeps me from going crazy

All the best in your job hunt in NM man.

You left out the bold part of my paragraph. lol I understand what you are saying myk. I appreciate it.



Thanks myk. It isn't going to be easy. The market there sukks. Well, where doesn't it suk?