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Tank,

Your story is one I simply cannot fully relate to. I haven't had to deal with anything near the stuff that has been put before you.

So judge you?

Not at all.

You have stood so tall. You took as much as you could.

As long as you take care of yourself and those kids....

You're doing great.

Peace. Like I said. I can't really imagine. Be well.

Tank - love the image of you learning to rollerblade! Make sure you've got wrist guards and knee pads though.

Your doctor probably won't know anything about resveratrol, but the early research on pancreatic cancer cells shows it makes the cancer cells more sensitive to chemo. I expect the same would be true of stomach cancer.

Also make sure they do something to replace your B12. B12 is a difficult vitamin to absorb, and depends on the stomach to make a protein called intrinsic factor, as well as stomach acid. B12 shots or sublingual B12 or a B12 patch might make you feel better. And patients with gastric cancer often had a preceding condition called atrophic gastritis that interferes with B12 absorption.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18006931

thanks country. Is a crazy life im leading right now. Well i just got off the phone with my daughter, she had a perfect day today. Mema took her to the eye doctor, she got new glasses, and her mommy came for dinner and braided her hair and they did their nails.

My only hope is that their mom continues to try and see them or talk to them. I was thinking today, and the sad fact is, that if she had asked me last night to let her have her visits here at the house, i know i would have said yes.

My daughter had a perfect day! that makes yesterday worth while.

kml, i have started reading the links you have sent. My Oncologist (sorry if spelt wrong, lol) did know about what you were talking about. He tries to stay atop of the latest research. I am fortunate to live near the main Cancer facility for our province. We are also one of the top medical universities in the country.

Good. Can you get resveratrol in Canada? It's easy to get here in the States. I particularly like the Optimized Resveratrol from www.lef.org

i am back to sleepless nights. I really hate this. Im thinking about everything and nothing all at the same time.

I will say that today, i forced myself to do some things around the house that i take pride in. I cut my yard and weeded the flower beds. Did all the edging and i rollerbladed around the pool table in the garage a whopping 4 times without falling.

My body is exhausted now, but damn it, it felt good to feel alive and useful again. My BIL is great and a big help, but its too much for one person, and my yard is my passion.

I cant stop trying to figure out what is going on inside of her. Its like i have stepped back in time to the begining all over again. I shouldnt do this, but i just cant seem to help it. She did call today to find out if the kids had soccer games this week, other than saturday. I told her when, and asked if that was it, she didnt say anything, so i said goodbye and hung up. wasnt nice, wasnt mean, just kind of indifferent.

Tank - I know how you feel. You think you're moving forward, done with the ongoing hurt and pain, and then it shows up again. Stupid emotions!

But you know that each "bad point" will be shorter, and each "good point" will be longer until there's nothing bad left but an occasional twinge of regret.

It just takes so freaking long!

Tank you're being so strong with your illness and all the crazy.
Please, make sure you take some time to be really good to yourself.
You have my prayers, best wishes, and admiration here.

a girl, well the bad points are shorter, but they seem very frequent. You would think that after 16 months of this, it would be a lot easier.

queen, thanks for the support and your prayers.

Today, not such a good day. My BIL has ben driving me for work as my head has felt like it is floating away. Around 330 this afternoon, i finished and we got home. I wasnt feeling well and laid down. Woke up at 8. I missed s15, s13 game tonight. Thank god for family. My parents picked s15 up from dads brought him to the game and drove him home.

I am feeling dissapointed in myself for missing their game. I am also feeling dissapointment in their mom. Yesterday she asked for there remaining soccer schedule. I guess i was hoping that she would be there today for them. She let them down, and i am upset by it.

Why is it so hard to just really let go? I tell myself that i am finished, that i am not doing this any more. Then she doesnt do something and i am disappointed about it. I guess, i havent let it all go just yet.

Well today was a busy day with four kids in the playoffs. Spent the entire day at the soccer field, of course W didnt show. My children were very unhappy about it, but no one phoned her.

SS15 asked to move back home today. So that was a positive for me. We had a talk after dinner, and he is just lost, doesnt know where he fits in. I told him that his home will always be with me and his family and he can always come home.

He got on the topic of his mother, and the visit the other night. He looked at me and said, when did mom start drinking beer? I told him when she left. he said all he could smell was the beer on her when she was talking to him.

I sent w a msg through facebook telling her the results of the soccer finals. Kept it short and sweet.

was a good day but a tough one as well.

Why is it so hard to just really let go? I tell myself that i am finished, that i am not doing this any more. Then she doesnt do something and i am disappointed about it. I guess, i havent let it all go just yet.

I'm struggling with this feeling myself this weekend. I think we all have these moments.

Some days the head and heart don't match up. We know what's best for us or our children (I don't have any) but our emotions are stronger. They don't care what makes sense or what is best. They just need to be in our face.

Sometimes we just wish our spouse was someone different, in most cases better and more loving, than who they actually are. I've been loving a woman that doesn't quite exist for 8 yrs. Even though she consistently shows me actions, I still want to believe she is someone she is not. My head knows the truth, but my heart gets disappointed.

I'm sure the day we can accept our spouse for who they are, love them for who they are (not what we want them to be) and know that they are in God's hands now.. is the day we truly let go.

I hope this moment passes quickly for you. I pray that it does.