Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers WTF?!?! - Artpay Otway

Thanks for stopping by Charlie. Deep down I understand that my W's anger towards me is a sign that she is still invested... that she still cares.

But it is also the number one obstacle for her to give us a chance. She has to figure out how to get past the anger... to forgive me for the past.

My goal for the past nine months has been to deprive her anger of the fuel that it needed.

It's tough balance doing that while also standing up for myself and having boundaries.

I just need to figure it out.

I will look up Nomopo.

I've spent that past two nights reading Jack3beans' threads. Wow, the parallels between his sitch and mine are kinda scary.

Thanks again Charlie!

Denver

Denver,

Your a smart chap."My goal for the past nine months has been to deprive her anger of the fuel that it needed"

This is changing you, for the better, excellent.

Good luck and yes J3B is one amazing guy, if you learn from anyone best it's him.

My best wishes
Charlie

Denver,

Your a smart chap."My goal for the past nine months has been to deprive her anger of the fuel that it needed"

This is changing you, for the better, excellent.

Good luck and yes J3B is one amazing guy, if you learn from anyone best it's him.

My best wishes
Charlie

P.S

Changing for you and what you truly believe in, will keep your boundaries intact.

Charlie

Thanks Charlie. Again, I appreciate you taking the time to check out my sitch and post. I hope that you are well.

BITS
Denver

update...

No contact with W on Tuesday or Wednesday of last week. Tuesday was the concert that I was suppose to go to with W and SS. I did call SS prior to the concert to tell him to have a good time. I told him that I was sorry that I wasn't going. SS said, 'then just go. You are the one holding back. Mom is mad that you're not coming.' I again explained that it wasn't a good idea for me to go and that his mom and I needed some space away from each other right now. I told him that I was not mad at his mom or him. He said okay. He told me that one of his friends was going to go with them and use my ticket.

Thursday was a really bad day. I missed W horribly. I called SS in the evening and talked to him about the concert. W was sitting in the room with him. I asked SS to go give W a hug and tell her that it was from me. He did. I heard him tell W, 'it is from Denver'. I heard W tell SS 'thank you'.

My personal depression went from bad to worse on Friday. I found out that my grandfather is gravely ill. This only added to my anxiety that I am feeling from missing my W and SS. I called SS but he did not answer. I sent SS a text message and he did not respond.

My imagination went wild about what they were doing.

Luckily one of my best friends and his dog came over and spent the weekend at my house. This helped distract me some.

Saturday morning, I freaked out because I still had not heard back from SS, although some of this became legitimate worry as he very rarely flat out does not get back to me.

I called W at around noon on Sunday. W and I talked for a few minutes. She told me that SS had gone camping with her mom and stepdad so his phone was probably out of range.

W told me that she was in Casper, WY for a show. She told me that she had driven up there that morning... she volunteered who she had driven up with ... I did not ask. Whether or not she omitted anyone who was with her, I will never know.

I told her that I was calling because I had tried to reach SS and that I was worried about them because he was not answer his phone. I told her that I was going to ask SS if he wanted to go see a movie with me on Sunday. W told me that she was sure that he would and that I should call her mom on Sunday to see if we could work it out.

W would not be back into Denver until late on Sunday afternoon.

W talked to me in a tone of voice that was as if there was nothing going on with us... as if she had not gotten angry with me and told me off on Monday night after I told her that it wasn't a good idea to go to the concert with her. She was very sweet and thanked me for being worried about she and SS and calling. We said goodbye.

About 30 minutes later W texted me:

W: "Are you okay. Seemed down or just waking up?"

Me: "I'm ok. I was just worried about you guys. My grandpa is sick. I guess that has me a little down. Thanks for asking. It means a lot. Have a good trip W. Be safe."

W: "I'm sorry to hear about your grandpa. That [censored]. What's going on?"

Me: text about my grandpa's condition

W: "Wow Denver. That's serious. I'm so sorry. How's your grandma holding up?"

Me: text answering that question

W: "I hope he pulls through. Keep me posted and let me know if you need anything."

Me: "Ok. Thanks."

-------

Sunday at around noon I received a text from W asking me if I had been able to reach SS or her mom. She had not been able to reach them.

I told W that I had not tried since we had spoken the day before but that I would call and let her know.

I wasn't able to reach anyone either.

W and I exchanged texts deciding that SS and her mom were probably still up in the mountains and couldn't be reached due to cell phone coverage.

Later in the afternoon, I heard from SS. I texted W to let her know in case she hadn't heard from him.

SS called me again at around 6 p.m. He and his grandma were close by. They came over to my house. I called W to see if it was too late for me to take him to a movie.

W and I chatted about her trip a little, what she had been doing since getting home, some problems she's been having getting SS out of bed for school in the mornings. We decided that it was too late for SS to go to a movie. She told me that I could take SS to a movie another night this week.

I explained to SS what his mom and I had decided. I walked him and his grandma to her car, hugged SS... he told me that he loved me. I told him the same and said goodbye.

That's it.

Denver

:throws hands up in the air:

Don't blame you.

Denver,
You keep running from one pain to another.

You are bouncing around like a ball in a pin-ball machine.

So the pain of having contact with your W while she is uncommitted got to be unbearable, so you stopped all contact....

and you finally told her why.

THEN

The pain of the boundary you set became to much to endure.....

so now you broke your own boundary to go back to the "old pain".

at least you know what that pain will be like.

Look this is a process and most people are not ready for it.......I had to utterly fail in order to get there, so you will not get a lecture from me.

However, you will be in pain for a lot longer than is neccessary......

just sayin'

Cheers

It's tough man. I know. But you are just not being consistent right now.



I won't specifically question your motives here.

But doing this?

It looks like you are using SS to get to W.

Not good man.

You need to keep these two things separate. Like I said. Not questioning your motives. But perception can be reality. And that is not a good perception.

Peace man.