So I'm thinking of the following words to send my W before disappearing into darkness for 6 weeks:
"W, the last few months have been extremely trying and crazy for both of us. I would like to apologize for some of the ways I have behaved and my reactions to your position. I have spent a lot of time reflecting on my behavior and how I acted and I am embarrassed and sorry. Knowing that I was losing you and our marriage, caused me to act irrationally and I didn't know how to handle it.
I understand that you want to divorce me and end our marriage. And I now canunderstand why you want this. I could and should have been a better husband, and you deserved more from me. I have let you, my family and myself down. I can see that now.
W, I do not want a divorce and I would still like to think that we could get through this and come out better and stronger on the other side. However, if this is what you truly desire, then I will not stand in your waygive you what you want. Cam"
Thoughts?
I bought a card to write this on. She has a thing for cards, it's not a loving card, just a nice design plain card. Thoughts on whether i should use a card, or just a white piece of paper??
I think that it is good cam. I made a few suggested edits above though. JMOs. I don't mind the card idea, as long as it is blank... no Hallmark 'i love you'...
Then go dark cam. It is going to be really difficult. I am struggling with it myself right now.
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Denver and Country suggested it as a way of demonstrating that I am 'dropping the rope' and to then go dark after that. The last conversation I've had with my W was me being emotional and panicked. So this should be a way of being rational and telling her what I want, in a non pressuring way.
M 35 W 31 Separated 2/2011 but still together Ended it 4/2011 Together 8 yrs Married 3.5 yrs Lawyers involved 6/2011
and telling her what I want, in a non pressuring way
Isn't this what you've been doing? Telling her what you want shows her your not listening.
Better to be short and sweet. I wrote one to Denver back a week or so ago. See if you can find it.
Like
"W over these passed months I have been taking time to look at my contribution to our M failure. I am taking steps to make changes I realize I want to make for myself. You have been clear about your desire to leave this M and that is something I don't agree but I also realize that is your choice to make. When and if you change your mind about our M and you want to join me in working on making a better one you know where I will be."
there is a subtle difference in the delivery but that can make all the difference.
then go dark. and don't worry about whether she knows how to contact you or if she knows how you feel.
she knows.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
So I sent the card to my W yesterday. She received it today and just emailed me saying:
"Hi Cam,
Thank you for the very lovely card.
I think it would be good if the two of us caught up. Are you free Sunday evening?"
I'm not sure what to do....I don't really want to catch up with her as I know nothing will have changed, I would rather stay dark, and remove myself from the situation. Can't deal with this, as it will go bad when she tells me what I don't want to hear.
M 35 W 31 Separated 2/2011 but still together Ended it 4/2011 Together 8 yrs Married 3.5 yrs Lawyers involved 6/2011
I guess maybe ask her why she wants to catch up. I asked h (actually said I don't want to beg but) to come and talk to me early on. He replied saying he would come and talk but deep down his decision was made. My reply to that was not to bother unless he wanted to work on things. So unless she is now ready to work on things there us no point in catching up with her.
H 34, W 36 T 13.5 M 8.5 C 6yo twins S 6/5/11 OW 7/6/11 OW moves in 9/18/11
I just responded with 'no worries, but I am actually heading overseas on Sunday afternoon. Speak soon. Cam' Not entirely true, I'm heading o/s on Monday, but I just want some space for myself. I can't deal with it and it would all be crap anyway.
M 35 W 31 Separated 2/2011 but still together Ended it 4/2011 Together 8 yrs Married 3.5 yrs Lawyers involved 6/2011
I just responded with 'no worries, but I am actually heading overseas on Sunday afternoon. Speak soon. Cam' Not entirely true, I'm heading o/s on Monday, but I just want some space for myself. I can't deal with it and it would all be crap anyway.
^^^^ perfect cam.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
