Quote: Although the bomb with my name on it was dropped in January, the sirens and red flags were all over the place during this month last year.
All kinds of memories are popping up that I had given little-to-no thought to - until now.
Same here. It almost seems like a Twilight Zone thing compared to now. Staying in the "now" seems to be the key to getting throught this part, I have to agree.
As for XOW: Early on I did try to contact her several times by email and by phone. I reqested that she sit down and meet with me, and left her my cell phone number. She was way too cowardly to contact me in any way.
So...out of the blue, she calls my cell phone last week and accuses me of having called her house and hung up on her. Huh??? Apparently she doesn't have caller ID and apparently she assumes that I am the only person who would hang up on her. ...if it even happened.
I assured her that I had not called her. She was pretty agitated and kept yelling, "well....what do you want??" and "I have NEVER called you" and "it's been a YEAR!!"
I was not happy about her calling me while I was at work, but I stayed very calm and told her that she had never called me because she was a coward, and it didn't matter to me if it was a YEAR or last week....she was still a scum and there's no statute of limitations for a evil bitch who keeps trying to break up families. I told her that I wanted nothing from her unless she was willing to come over and apologize to me and my family.
She got all stuttery and confused--like the wind had been taken out of her sails. She was blabering about how she had thought it was me that had hung up on her. I told "no, I didn't call and hang up on you....but I am hanging up on you now".
"It's been a YEAR"...that really got to me! Like that matters. Maybe she thought she only had to feel like a jerk for a month or whatever. I have learned the amazing stretching of the truth that people can do when they try to rationalize...but I am still always a bit shocked by it.
I told Wolfie about the conversation when I got home. I told him that I have nothing to say to that woman.
My instinct tells me that Butt-Ugly is getting some guilt pangs about the memories coming up for her right now--and she thought she'd somehow get me into a screaming match to make herself feel better. I'm sure it would be easier for her to be angry at me than to sit still with her own concience.
Whatever her reasons...I thought it was rather immature all the way around.
BTW...at least she confirmed that it HAS been a year. Guess Wolfie has been telling me the truth.
Well, I've come to a place of acceptance that I probably never will totally understand my H's temporary insanity. The belief that understanding will give me control is an illusion.
What I do know is that my H went through hell too, even if much of it was of his own making. I'm not sincerely worried that he is likely, at moment...to go off the deep end and do this again. Not only do I think that he has learned quite a bit, but we both have had to do some real soul searching about what is really important in our lives.
It's ironic that the most devistating events have cause a turn-around in my R that I had prayed for for a long time, but had pretty much given up hope of.
I give up asking WHY, WHY, WHY...what difference does it really make now.
Tal, It's wonderful that Wolfie has come full circle. It's not likely that it will happen again. Like you said, you've both done some real soul searching, and I'm sure he wonders about his temporary insanity almost as much as you do. It's good it only lasted a year (not to minimize it!). My H has been in his insanity for over 4 yrs if you count the time he was in the A, and of course you have to count that. It's been two yrs last October since he leftthe first time, and I wonder if he'll ever snap out of this totally. Why can't he see that we belong together-not living apart. This is so hurtful to me that he does not want to come home and be my husband full time. I've not said one word about the OW, but one wonders if she's totally out of the picture if he's still so uncertain of what he wants. He tells me he loves me. What does that mean to him? Does he think we can live this way indefinately? This whole mess has been as clear as mud to me. I'm tired of waiting for him to want me enough to come home. He's not being as sexual as he normally would be. Don't know what that's about either. My mind wanders into territory I don't want to visit. I've asked many on here what they did to make thier S start pursuing them. The answer is that they backed off. They were loving, but did not call them or try to makes dates. I'm wondering if that's what I should do. My H just seems so nonchalant about our R. He is nice and says ILY,but the passion is not there-the real desire to be with me. Could he still be in withdrawal from OW? Or worse yet, in contact with her? I talk to him every night before bed, so I know he's at home. Ii guess if he wanted to see her,he'd find the time and I wouldn't know about it. I didn't before, why should now be any different? I guess all this comes from his lack of enthusiasm about us. He's ok with us together, but what can I do to step it up a notch?? You've been there Tal. What advise can you give me? I want him to come to his senses and realize what he'd be losing if he lost me. Keep up that positive attitude-you're doing great and you are loved! Rachael
Rach, I believe the skank's referring to "it's been a YEAR " indicated that the one "near physical" thang that happened with Wolfie was a year ago, and it HAS been over in between.
That's the sense you got too, huh, Tal? But you gotta love the self-righteousness...like the deeds grow less evil over time!
Hope you have a great holiday, Tal...Will it be your place crawling with family or like me do you get off easy?
Tal...I love the thread! You KNOW I can relate to the concept, no??? I'm going to make 2004 the year of "letting go"...of so many things but certainly of the NEED to KNOW...I'm not waiting for 01-01, though...been practicing over the last few days, too.
Anyway...I'm doing the quick hit and run on the bb today...Happy holidays! Not sure how much I'll be back between now and New Years!
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Shiny has asked about our holidy traditions so.... We do a thing on Christmas Eve where each household does a differnt part (appetizers, main dish, deserts, and the last household does after-dinner drinks for those that drink).
We walk from house to house doing the Christmas Eve celebrating for hours. This time, it was more exhausting than usual because Wolfie had to work Christmas Day so we did all of our household gift exchange that night instead of Christmas morning.
On Christmas Morning, we go over to my parents' house and have a late breakfast and exchange gifts.
Even Indians who practice traditional spiritual ways don't miss a chance to have parties and give-aways, so that's not an issue!
Well, I think I have temporarily lost my mate to the gift I gave him. He's been wanting an XM satelite radio for years, so that's what I got him. He's been like a little kid about it and is totally fascinated with the whole thing.
That's ok, because he's temporarily lost me to the gift they all gave me. They all went in on a souped-up new computer for me!
Aluminum case with case modifications, an AMD XP 2.0 Ghz processor, a Ge-Force FX Video Card, 512 DDRAM, a DV burner and lots of other cool features! I'm in Techno-Indian heaven!
Due to work schedules, Wolfie and I have been both pretty exhausted and won't get much time together until around New Years. Still, I don't think I even want to try a Before/After about this Christmas because the list would be to long!
Quote: Aluminum case with case modifications, an AMD XP 2.0 Ghz processor, a Ge-Force FX Video Card, 512 DDRAM, a DV burner and lots of other cool features!
