I am sorry it's come to this Telemark. However, I think you behaved in line with your values and preserved your own self worth here. Not a small thing. You earned her respect if nothing else. Yes she's probably angry that she no longer has you on a string and the OM in her bed. Stinks to be her.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
You are a good man.. completely worthy of a good woman. It's a shame your w can't see what we do. Try to not think about what w and OM does. It will be hard, but thinking of it will be even more painful.
You'll be in my prayers.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
Thanks, lc4; your comments and insights are very valuable to me.
It's odd, but not unexpected...I find myself feeling better about this mess each day. My thoughts about my W are less frequent and pretty non-emotional. OTOH, I am more excited each day about my "new life", the friends and family that are part of it and the new opportunities I have to do things I never did.
The reason I asked if you were close to SA was that my son will be arriving at Lackland AFB On Sept. 1 for basic training, so my daughter and I will be flying down there on October 27 for his graduation. I thought, "How fun it would be if we could get together while we were in TX. You could meet my awesome kids and I could tell you how nice your hair looks". But 350 mi. is a pretty good jaunt.
haven't finished the thread but noticed the SA connection. We lived on or near Ft Sam Houston (in San Antonio) for 7 years. We loved it. I'd go back there for retirement if need be. No state income tax, more jobs in h's field, health care is a leading industry and we'd be older...oh, and cheap real estate. (Also no ocean or mountains nearby like here, but still!!...)
Very charming place. Most pro military town I've lived in (and I'm from DC.) Your son is lucky to be there and lucky to have you attending his graduation. That's a milestone.
Congrats!
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Just finished your thread...quite a turn of events...
Two thoughts leap to my mind. First, I am NOT "explaining" your w's position okay?
but I almost laughed when I envisioned her happy new life in a 2 bedroom condo WITH A NEW "MIL"....oh okay...and are these women are close to each other?? Tell me about that in 6 months.
OH, and how's SS really going to handle all the new stuff with new people? Bet they'll all have a blast "adjusting" to the one who does NOT adjust well.
And where is SS sleeping, and where is OM's mother sleeping? Is it like a permanent camp out?
I don't mean to make light of your pain my friend. But she's in a world of crazy if she thinks THIS set up will work out for anyone.
WTH is she thinking? I'd say be ready for her to wake up real soon...
her reaction to YOUR reaction is oddly, SO believable. Like they simply do NOT get it...
SHE cries b/c you are done b/c she is acting done...hello??
Yep, I know that feeling. When h went on his third secret mission trip to the FAR NORTH...after I said "if you ever do that crap again, I'm done..."
I filed for a sep to protect assets and possibly to wake him up and he went bonkers. Like I had wronged HIM!...
Secondly--(SIGH)...not to give you false hopes if you are feeling more detached in a good way,
but I don't think she's done. I think she's acting nutty. But not done. This living arrangement, PA or not, is like what my 14 y/o would come up with as a Solution to her best friends' potential foreclosure...."bf can just live with US"
I feel sorry for you but I feel sorrier for her
b/c you have no choice but to make the best of things. She's making terrible, silly choices that will NOT work out...AND
She has to 2nd guess her idiot choices forever, and every time something goes wrong, She'll have to look over her shoulder and wonder again.
But you won't b/c you have grown and evolved thru all this. She has avoided most of that.
You have nothing to look over your shoulders about, nothing to second guess b/c once you got the newsflash, you SHOWED UP for your m... she'll always have doubts.
Even if things go "well enough" for her, she'll wonder if your changes were lasting...and if they would have lasted with her too...and if she lost the best version of you, the man she wanted you to be all along. She'll always wonder...
if only she'd stuck around a bit longer, or really given herself and you, the space and time you both needed...
so while she will wonder about all the choices she has made and looks over her shoulders to question herself again,
you won't.
Hang in there. It gets better, I promise.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I'm late catching up on your thread Telemark. Hang in there pal. I think I know what you're going through.
In my sitch OM lives in another state, but if he ever shows up I expect to go ballistic.
Prayers Pic
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Your W is insane. How is that going to work out? Her,OM, OM sick M and her son in a 2 bed place? That is making me feel claustrophobic. How can she do that to her S especially if he has trouble with new people and new places.
You are a wonderful caring man and she is going to realize what a mistake she has made.
