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So far this morning: 18 texts from H. No worries. I am dim. Only responded to the business-related one. Guilty much? Reminds me of a puppy that's whizzed on the carpet and is seeking reassurance after being scolded.

I took the day off of work because I barely slept last night. I'm very tired, but not entirely sad. I feel okay. I'm going to enjoy not seeing him today, sleep a bit, potter around, cook and go for a walk. I just need a Me Day.

18 text messages? You would think he would get the hint after the 5th or 6th, but I digress....

I've had to take those "ME" days also. Just make sure you keep your chin up. You are stronger than you think.

He's panicking.

Enjoy your Me day, thatgirl.

thatgirl,
i just read through this thread, backwards actually and i dont know why.

but i'm sorry, i mean well when i say this, but i hope you know he's simply playing you. his fatalism, his complaining, his acting dumb is merely to keep you around. you mentioned OW, and from what i'm reading here, you're Plan B, and he's giving you just enough to make sure you stick around. and when he feels you moving away, he sends a txt like yesterday - because he thinks you'll like it and it buys him more time.

i really wish you could save your R, but what i've read throws up lots of red flags.

Thanks, Ken. No, really. The way you worded that was super-helpful. I feel majorly comforted, commiserated with and prodded into deeper thought.

You've got to work on your delivery, man.

i was born without the ability to gauge sarcasm, so i'm gonna assume your response is pure sarcasm. and thats fine.

i could give you comfort, and hope and every other warm feeling you'd like. but i dont think thats helpful. i wanted those too but in reality i needed to see what was really happening. and looking back it was those people who laid out the truth that helped me most.

i can tell you that after i got away from the drama and bs i'm much better off, i'm mostly happy, i'm much more content and confident, and karma is giving back in ways that i'd never imagine. the other side, that one that everyone is fighting against here, isnt so bad.

I don't have a dog in this fight, but I think KenF makes a valid point, even if his delivery was a bit...straightforward.

Most of us here want to have some hope and faith in the restoration of our marriages, even if there is a tiny chance of that happening. So we do what we can to hold each other up, offer encouragement and advice - and the occasional humor which is just as important as anything else - and form our virtual friendships, all in the hope that it will lead us to the goal we are trying to attain.

But "the other side", as KenF refers to it, is always there; the very real fact that all of our efforts could be for nothing as they apply to our marriages. We continually deal with our own shattered emotions and self-esteem, our wacko spouses who seem to like only to torment us, our kids and how it all affects them...and on and on and on. We still become better for it, but it could - and does - cost us dearly. Can't get away from that.

Those of you who have read my posts know that I try to remain positive, upbeat, optimistic and hopeful whether I'm talking about myself or commenting about others. But I'm not going to sugar-coat anything, and similarly, I think KenF was voicing a little reality dose.

TG007, you know I hold you in high regard for dealing with your situation as long you have despite your H's behavior, and I empathize with your frustrations; we all do. I think KenF said what many of us feel not only about your situation, but about our own as well. We feel like we're being played, like we are Plan B, like we cannot get away from our spouses' drama and BS. We drop the rope and go dim/dark/whatever, but our spouses know how to keep us tied to their rope.

I did not intend to be so long-winded about your thread, and I'm not "choosing sides" at all. But like KenF I'm recognizing the value of cold, hard truth in my situation. It may not be what I want to hear but it is what I need to hear.

I agree Telemark. While it would be great if we could all get what we want out of this, I am not blind to the reality of it either.

Hmm...I am unsure of what I have to say. I'm not sure I feel comfortable posting about my situation anymore. I don't think I'm blind to the reality of my situation, I do live in it day in and day out. I am not in denial of the truth, but I am living out a part of my journey that is pretty tough. It does take some processing time, some emotion and some effort to get from point A to point B.

"I hope you know he is playing you..." isn't what I need to get there - but to each his own, I guess. Maybe I am too sensitive. It is what it is.