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STBX took my band with her. I have asked for its return. The last time I did she said she’d mail it to me. Whether she knows what that would do to the sorting machine at the post office or not is open to debate. I took her comments as a dig to incite a response and let it pass without comment.

I do not know if I would wear it, but I would like the option of deciding for myself.

I stopped wearing my rings about a week after he told me wanted a divorce. Just didn't feel right to me to keep wearing them. So far no one has asked me why.

We have no papers or anything legal. I am sure H thinks I will sort that out like I do everything else but I don't want a divorce so I am not doing any work to get it done.

"We have no papers or anything legal. I am sure H thinks I will sort that out like I do everything else but I don't want a divorce so I am not doing any work to get it done."

So our spouses are related...

Thanks, everyone, for your responses to my questions. The wedding ring question came up yesterday from our keyboard player in the worship band; he was surprised I was wearing it...

"I'm still married" was my reply to his question.

"But she is not acting like she is married or like a wife should."

"I know. But as long as I am married to her, I am going to honor my vows."

He then mentioned something about having my head examined, but I assured him that was already done, and they didn't find a thing.

This is the EXACT same answer I gave my S when he asked me that question.


Good for you, man. You are standing strong. You will be able to look yourself in the mirror and know you did the right thing. That being said, I think everyone is/is not wearing their ring for their own reason. You have to do what's right for you.



Thanks for the chuckle!

How crazy is it that I don't remember exactly why I took mine off?? I remember I did it the day after I saw that my w wasnt wearing hers. I also remember some of my feelings.

"if she's not wearing hers, why should I wear mine?"
"I should take mine OFF to spite her"
" I should keep mine ON to spite her"
" Taking mine off means I am giving up"

The thing is.. That I was giving to much power to a piece of jewelry. It was stopping me from detaching.

I still uphold my vows. I still honor my marriage. My wedding band doesn't define that.

I don't wear mine. He was still wearing his a week after he left, but by the following week when we went on holidays he had taken it off. I wore mine for the entire holiday, but took it off and wore it around my neck when we got back for a week. When I found out re the OW I took it off completely and it hasn't been back on since.

No legal seperation here. He's got his own place and started changing his mail. I guess for me it's my way of showing him that I accept his decision and I'm moving forward - without him.

Journaling...

Sunday I was down. Today I'm just angry and disappointed.

I'm angry that she is doing what she is doing. So many people have been affected by her selfish indulgence (someone else used that term, and I like it); not just me, but her kids, my kids, her X and his wife, our friends...and we're all mopping up the mess while she skips along tra-la-la.

(The reality is that probably she is not skipping along, which makes all of this so much more of a waste.)

I'm angry that she sought emotional comfort from someone else while telling me at the very same time how much she loved me and loved being my wife.

I'm angry that I'm spending money to refurnish the house; money that was supposed to go elsewhere.

I'm disappointed with myself for all the times I was angry at her and showed it in the worst way possible.

I'm disappointed with myself for being a WAH in my 1st marriage and an OM in another man's marriage.

And I'm angry at all of the WAS's out there who are causing pain and suffering to their families and friends; who are doing that to all of us here. This site has become a "virtual family" for me and when I read about the heartaches and frustrations being experienced by you and/or your children it gets to me.

It's OK, though. I am allowing myself to feel like this so I can get it out of my system and deal with the situation with a PMA. I know it's temporary; I know it will pass in as little as a few hours.

I am grateful for the family and friends who have been there for me and allowed me to ride this rollercoaster without criticism or judgment.

There. I feel better already.

That is exactly how I feel Paige. I always took care of everything. If he wants a D, he can get the process started.

Telemark-

You really are a stand up guy, and I admire you so much.
It is ok to feel the way you are feeling, we all have to do it.
If we try to ignore the pain it only makes it worse.
I know this is a down period for you, but I also know that you will bounce back from this.

Like you, I feel so many people here have become my virtual family. I only want the best for each and every one of us.