Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives Surviving the Big D Archives I tried to daydream, but my mind kept wandering

Drew, I posted this, she popped up as a Match for me. That sent my brain swirling. Lots of people had OPs in the picture so by D time that was no longer an issue. That wasn't the case here. I was kind of prepared for it and then not. Kind of how I was prepared for the D to be final, but still the finality hit hard for a couple of days.

I bounced back fairly quickly from the Match thing, but I'm still not to the point where my thoughts don't wander in her direction.

Good and bad news on bankruptcy. The wedding rings won't be an issue. That's good. Bad news is that it's going to take me a few months to pay the lawyer to file. So I might not get to file by December. I was hoping to have it wrapped up by March when I want to reorganize the rest of my debt.

By this time next, I should be receiving $110 more per paycheck and paying $75 per check in payments. That's enough to give me breathing room even during down times for the various part-time jobs.

Beautiful day outside and just typing this for some reason makes me anxious. I'm going to take a walk.

CTH,

Just trying to help you detach and move on. Resist the urge to check up on her electronically is my advice.

Yes Drew. I'm trying. It's hard at times because XW uses one password for everything. I can, if I choose, find out everything I want.

I've only given in to temptation twice this summer.

Journaling update. Had girls last night and we just vegged. That was good. They left this morning with XW and ex-MIL to St. Louis to see family members.

Last year, at this time XW was doing her big South Dakota trip with the biker gang. So this trip isn't as emotionally draining.

The girls were fighting a lot yesterday and we talked this morning. I told them XW doesn't travel much and this trip probably means a lot to her so please, please, please do your best to get along.

I am doing better not avoiding XW and making eye contact etc.

Me? I'm going golfing today, have a couple of stories to complete, playing poker Friday night, softball Saturday and working a running race Sunday.

Then next week I have the girls for the final eight days of summer.

I've been trying to organize all of the pictures I've taken post split to get some new collages for the house.

Broke away from work yesterday to play golf with a co-worker as part of our annual newsroom golf tournament. Shot an 85, which is 12 shots below my best score this summer. I've only played five times because of the cost and lack of time.

That's like a 65 for a good golfer.

I won easily and move on in the tournament.

It almost -- almost -- made me want to devote more money to playing.

I got a couple of texts from the girls, who are traveling with XW. I hope they are doing well. I have them for eight straight days beginning Monday and don't want them at war with each other.

I turned a corner on book project No. 1 and now can really start attacking the meat of it. Book project No. 2 (one that I know will pay) is moving forward. I got an email from the a rich developer in town. We're going to meet every other week for a couple of hours. He wants someone essentially to record and organize his autobiography. Not for publication. For himself. It'll give me a chance to buy some page layout software and practice putting a book together.

I am filling up my winter pretty nicely.

Call from mortgage company. XW missed her August payment. They wanted to know when "we'd" be making the payment. I told them I no longer live there and they needed to contact my "ex-wife."

Sent my brain spinning a bit.

Just remember you are still on the mortgage. They don't care if you live there or not you are both responsible fir the payment. This is regardless of who the court says is responsible. When you file bankruptcy, if she isn't making the mortgage, there goes the house. Just wanted to point that out.

Kat

I don't recall, what was in your settlement about the house? Title AND mortgage.

I know all of the ramifications. I just don't like getting calls about XW at work. That's another reason I'm starting to hope more and more she sells.

Long weekend. Poker Friday. Did a good deed for XW on Saturday. Headed to Chicago to work a running race -- extra $$.

Today started the final week of vacation. Have girls -- mostly -- for next eight days.

Started out rough. I left them at XW's while I played softball because they get bored at the park. They got in a snit, D12 marched out and D9 locked her out. I laughed when I heard. D12 was really mad though.

I am at my game so XW had to come back to her house.

I was preparing to leave the game when I thought -- we are not married, she is handling it, no reason for me to leave. If we were married, I would have gone home so she could head back to work ASAP. Her job is no longer my problem.

So I picked them up after. Now, D12 is off riding her bike. D9 is riding hers with two friends -- over to W's house, sigh.

I saw XW Sunday night. D9 came right over when I got back from Chicago. They were just back from St. Louis. Their trip went OK. Apparently, XW's older sister, who hates kids, was in usual form. Girls couldn't touch anything. She complained constantly about noise.

I really don't like her older sister. I love her husband though. Incredible patience. I feel sorry for him. He's a successful, good looking guy. He could have done a lot better. He tried to divorce SIL when they were in Germany (he is in the air force), but SIL injured herself with a knife. XW never gave me full details. From what I gathered, she injured herself to lure her husband back and he took the bait.

So XW filled me in on the particulars of the trip after I asked her how it went. She seemed OK. She brought my bike when she came to get D9. It's a junky beat up mountain bike that she got fixed so I could ride with the girls. The three of us then rode back to the old house.

I didn't avoid her. I made eye contact. I said Hi and Bye. I fulfilled my pledge to treat her more pleasantly.

Things are going well. After this week, I'm back into saving mode because summer will be over. I am still on track to have my finances cleaned up by February. That'll be exciting.

Got a text this morning that two friends from my growth group are engaged. I'm a little wistful. That means a wedding and ... the pressure to have a date. Things have dried up there. The two women I was emailing on Match/Plenty of Fish stopped responding. Probably went another direction. Church_31 is happily in her relationship. We are on good terms, but I'm likely going to drift away from the group after the winter. It's kind of run its course with me.

I know I just have to be patient. Someone is great is out there somewhere. I need to keep chipping away. Filling in my time. Not being a hermit. Tomorrow night, the divorce classes start again and I am going to be a table leader. It's good to help others because really I'm helping myself.

CTH, with XW fake it till you make it! LOL