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Is there any reason why you keep avoiding your H?

My mil had to go to hospital. She is not doing good, something with her heart. h left work early because hospital called him and he had to rush there. h dropped my son off at home first, because son works with him. i text h and asked how his mother was, and he said not good. i havent heard anything since earlier. his dog is here me and son r taking care of her. i dont know if i should b doing him favors though, what do u think?

i feel felt very sad today about mil i dont know how much longer she has. we have not spoken in at least a yr.

Hey, rysmom, I think you should go to see MIL. Just my personal feelings. If you have any apologies to make, if you need to tell her you love her, do it now, before things get too bad for her. When the shtf here, as a part of my showing my H changes in me, I began to repair relationships with everyone, especially my IL's. Then my FIL had to have bypass surgery, then he got cancer. I am so glad our relationship had been "fixed" by then. I helped all I could, with doctor visits, chemo, and doctor visits for my MIL, too. When he died, I knew I had no regrets of leaving undone my letting him know how I was grateful for him. I don't know what your R with your MIL is, but if you feel anything for her, make the effort to see her. Even if there is a chance of ow and H seeing you there. You see that no contact with H hasn't changed anything so maybe time to try something new, have bits of contact here and there.
I mean you are working out, playing tennis and stuff, so I am sure you look good, so maybe letting him see you sometimes is a good idea at this time. Just take a deep breath, and do it.
I mean, you say you are standing for your M, but you are just maintaining a state of limbo, not moving forward, not moving at all. I fully support standing for a scriptural M, I have done it, and so far so good here.

vc

exactly, and the mother of his child, and I'm sorry to say, but I think it must be said,

I think your h pities you. And pity is not love. Read NOTHING into a gesture like that. I literally gave my neighbors a huge bag of apples yesterday b/c our fruit trees went bonkers this year and there are too many. We are stepping all over fruit in the yard and I cannot make any more apple pies or apple butter or fruit roll ups...so I gave a ton of food away. I don't want to marry the people I gave the fruit to.

I'm also giving a used car to a needy family my d14 knows...I don't want to marry them either.

It's charity.

You deserve more but you're so stuck. And we can only watch and encourage you to make a move.

But only you can. It's your life...sure wish you'd take charge of it.

Oh, and about the fb guy, in addition to what others have rightly pointed out

there are more women on FB than men, period.

I don't know what you want. Would you prefer a man who came from a monastery?

As Bond said, your reaction wasn't kind. Your fears made you unkind so that's not a good thing.

What actually happened, and NOT what you fear it means....

is that a nice man who is attractive and seemed to like you, took you out for dinner. Then he Said he wanted to friend you on FB (=he wasn't hiding anything, he was open) and then when you saw the number of 120 (a normal# in our age group)

you counted out the # of women?? Then you judged him, convicted him...all to protect yourself from further pain. Pain of what? Rejection? Being alone?
But you are alone. Your h rejected you and is with OW. That hurt. But it was a long time ago now. More importantly, as of today, how is staying inside and emotionally closed off, helping you?

You won't gain a thing, or a friend- in life without risk.

But you can lose a lot by not taking any risk. You stay in endless limbo/hell. And I don't even want to know what that does to your son's view of women and marriage. (Your h isn't responsible for all of that.)

Please see a new t and or try new meds...No shame in that. Been there, done that.

As for your GAL things...
How's school going? How much longer do you have til you get your degree?

How's your new business?

PS

Go see your mil asap. NOT as a tactic to show your h or any reason other than b/c it's the right thing to do.

My mil did not call our children the entire 2 years h was gone, unless he happened to be visiting at the time. That hurt. She missed 2 high school graduations and a college graduation so she would not have to "leave her dogs with strangers." These are her only grandchildren.

When she got cancer, d20 and I flew out to help her through her first round of chemo. We never got an apology nor did I expect one. I have no regrets today about how I/we showed up for her.

I modelled something for my kids. Sometimes you "show up" for someone even when they don't ask.

Instead of panicking about seeing your h or worse, the evil terrifying ow...

go see mil by yourself, when you know h is at work.

Reach out to her b/c it's the right, Christian thing to do.

If somehow someway, your h is there, Or if OW is, do NOT flee.

Don't let your insecurities keep you from speaking to your mil, (&the grandmother of your son.)

Instead, hold your head high, ask for a minute of privacy with mil to tell her what she meant to you. Tell her, then offer her help if she needs anything from you, and then politely CALMLY, go home.

(Aside from being the right thing to do and knowing you'll have no regrets later,
it would also be a HUGE 180 for you).

I agree with everyone. Go and see her. Go before it's too late.

i dont want to get mil upset. she was angry at me a yr ago the last time we spoke, because she blamed me for h and i problems. for asking him to leave 4 yrs ago because of bad advice from the therapist. I dont know if she would want to see me..

About the vegetables. that always had very special meaning for h and i. when we first started dating he would leave flowers and vegetables from his garden at my back door. I do not think these things were said out of pity.

The woman is dying. I think she's got alot more on her mind than you and your H's sitch. You cut yourself off from communication from her for so long that you really don't know what she thinks.

Bottom line is...what do you want to do?