Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Preseason has begun...just trying to make the cut

Just to clarify...I met with her Saturday...YESTERDAY...being Sunday...was when I was determined I'm done being miserable and looking pathetic going FORWARD.

So I found out I can actually just have her activate the new service in her name without having to meet up with her. I think I'm going to go that route.

MTS,

You are not coming off as combative at all......so no worries there.......we here tend to challenge people who come here to look at things from a different perspective and that sometimes and that leads to some "lively" discussion, again it is fine.

Don't try to undo anything that you have done or said at this point. For what it is worth I think your course of action is spot on..........

What I have found though is that most people are not ready for what that means. A better way to have gone about things would have been to just do it without the speech.........

It is okay......just moving forward I would limit contact unless absolutely neccessary, unless she wants to talk about working on the marriage.

That is good news about the utility thing.....you are smart for recognizing that you may not be "equiped" to see her.

Sooooo, now that you have made this decision to focus on you and not her or the marriage.........

What are you going to do????

What are your dreams???

What are your hobby's

Where are you going to travel to???

What is going to fill MTS's life so that it is overflowing and happy????

Hope this helps.

Cheers

You're right. I let my ego get in the way there. I felt like she just needed to hear it from me. At any rate, I texted her that she could just call the company to have it activated and she just responded with an "ok." So that's that.

I want to respond to your other questions but have to run for lunch. Thanks again! I'll post this afternoon.

You seem to realize that your actions on Sat were not good 'DBing' so no reason to beat a dead horse.

Your plan going FORWARD sounds good.

Now. Stick to it.

I texted her about the utility bill and let her know she can take care of it over the phone. She texted me back saying it was done. My response: ok.

I'd told her that taking care of the bill thing over the phone instead of in person would allow me to attend an interview and save a both a trip. She took care of it, told me it was done and I said ok.

She messaged me on bbm (BlackBerry Messenger - we use it to communicate when she heads overseas) last night. About 8:30pm or so she says: "Hope your interview went well. I'm praying for you."

I didn't open it right away. About 11pm I sent her a message back saying nothing more than "thanks." I saw she received the message and I got ready for bed.

I woke up late this morning and when I went to check my phone, I noticed I had one less contact on my bbm. She'd deleted me out of her contact profile.

The significance of this for me is that in the past she's done this when she's "thought I did something." When she was upset or angry at me for some reason. Well...she leaves today to head to Korea and will be there until sometime in early September. That was our means of communication when she was overseas.

As much as I'm trying to make it seem like I'm "ok" that one kinda hurt me. I figured she would at least say good bye before leaving. I didn't "do" anything to her last night to cause her to delete me. I don't know. I just feel some kind of way. The last time she deleted me (when I didn't respond because I was in the shower), I texted her and explained what happened, sent her an invite back and she added me again. I have nothing to explain this time.

Part of me wants to wish her well and tell her travel safely and that I'm praying for her via text. Another part of me says this is what she wants...me to "chase" her. Me to notice she deleted me and make an appeal to her. In the spirit of DB'ing, I don't know which action gets me closer to or further from my goal...so I really don't know what to do, if anything.

You seem like the nicest guy in the world...

That said, I wouldn't send her another request. She needs to miss you, your presence and your support.

She is losing a lot and doesn't even seem to realize it or appreciate it. Let her find her way back to you.

She knows how you feel. She knows you are safe. Give her the chance to want that back.

I think that's my problem...I too nice. Gift and curse kind of thing. But I agree. I can't continue the chase. She has to miss me at some point and I can't keep giving her reasons not to.

MTS,

We can analyze it to death, I can explain what I think and it might be spot on or totally off the mark......either way it is time to focus on you.

You will have good days and bad days ahead of you, welcome them both and process your feelings, don't fight them. This is the "work" part of it, this is the part that builds a new MTS.

Your suffering while painful, it will help you grow. Let it drive you to do better for YOU to make YOUR LIFE one that is Good and happy. I promise you that you will look back one day and say that you are actually thankful for this time.

No, I'm not crazy.

Hope this helps

Cheers