Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers I am so lost... someone PLEASE help me!!! 5

thats fine.

but from now on, dont lie to her.

Not one word in there is a lie

By the time I got home last night I did have to go to bed.

Johnnie

well, you said earlier you didnt talk to her because you were upset with her and driving through his town.

now you're sending her a txt stating the reason you didnt talk to her was because you were tired.

its technically not a lie, you're right about that.

I didnt think I should mention to her that I was upset about going through Lucan.

I know that my Wife knows that I am in love with her and want things to work out. Is there somthing I should be doning differently. I am trying to follow the DR rules as close as I can. but it is really tough, when every bone in my body wants to try to get through to her. I am no good at hiding me feelings, that probably why i am having a hard time at detaching... I cant pretend not to love her, when I am Head over Heels in Love with her.

God I hope these AD kick back in soon...

Johnnie

Johnnie, detaching does not mean to stop loving. Think of it as loving her the way she wants to be loved right now.

Here is the reply i got...

"Hi
No not taking the kids on sunday....so far and too hard to shop with kids really! Great you called now you can feel you did your part to help the child (good to speak up)....(D11) siad (SisterinLaw) was not there so you did not get to chat with her I guess...kinda too bad!
Ya I feel alot better.....thought I was gonna chuck last night! All better after sleeping!
So off to swimming with (D6) tonight later!
(Wife)"

I want her to take my Oldest daughter 11. I think it would be a great Mother and daughter day for the 2 of them...

I will keep the 2 youngest at home that day.

We will see what she says

J

J1

why would you control that activity with her and d11? IF d11 asked, tell your w THAT, ( not about what YOU want. Do you see a pattern here? You are trying to master the world of your family. Stop.)

You are not DBing much J1. You are pursuing and manipulating almost 24/7. Ken's post was spot on about the big deal you made re the child abuse.

I have reported it myself 2-3 times and I didn't make a big production about a discussion with spouse. That was an odd way to present it to her. You just make the call if you think the behavior warrants it.


Anyway, you want to present to her a strong man, not a needy man.

A strong man is in control of himself and his emotions, he's NOT trying to control others or their emotions.

Why not focus your energy on your job search and GAL?

From where I sit, you are analyzing everything she does or says and making yourself nuts. I saw her note about the weekend.

It wasn't about YOU. You created a problem where there was none. It's like you are seeking out ways to feel hurt. Why?

You are spinning your wheels so much BUT you have work to do on YOU. I urge you do what it takes to get a grip on yourself asap.

Work on you and only you.

You'll push her away with all your needs and holding onto your pain.

You simply MUST Get a grip, or blow it. Exercise some choice.

good luck

ps

you'll be invited more places when you are easier to be around.

you'll be easier when you stop having demands and needs (expectations are often just a type of demands) and show your pain so much. I think it does show. That;s why you stopped talking to her after your own family reunion.

Trust me, it sure looks punitive even if it wasn't meant to be...but wasn't it, at some level, just you being angry, again?

Can you see why it looks that way to her, given that it does to us?

Back off. Please.

The reason for taking my D11 is because she is getting to the age where she wants to have input on what clothes she wears. My wife has bought her clothes that she refuses to wear. The reason my W is going to the outlets is to maximize her value for dollar spent. Why buy clothes that my daughter will refuse to wear, when it is 2 hours away to return them? That was my thought prosess... Not to control the situation at all.

My withdrawal from her was to not have her see my bad mood, just following the advice on the board. Also, I have every right to feel the way I do, about driving through that town. It brought up some VERY painfui feeling and as I said before, I am Entitled to them.

I think you completely missed the point here Johnnie.