Just to lighten the mood (stolen from a FB friend):
To all the ladies who are in a hurry to have a boyfriend or get married, a piece of Biblical advice: "Ruth patiently waited for her mate Boaz." While you are waiting on YOUR Boaz, don't settle for any of his relatives: Brokeaz, Poaz, Lyinaz, Cheatinaz, Dumbaz, Drunkaz, Cheapaz, Lockedupaz, Goodfornothingaz, Lazyaz or Marriedaz and especially his third cousin Beatinyouaz. Wait on your Boaz and make sure he respects Yoaz
GG: Sounds like you're on the right track. If he is really that "into" you - he will not let your busy time deter him. Josh and I have both always taken turns driving to see each other - app 90 min each way. Now that we have a house together but he has to still work in the city - he drives 3 hours each way every w/e to be with me. It is all worth it if you really love each other. But for now - only time will tell.
KML: Have you met his family and friends or how do you know how they feel about him (other than his word)?
I DO agree about the money. I was just writing about myself there - I don't want to support someone else. I didn't need someone to support me either. I just didn't want to take on someone else's debt. Sounds like you've got that one worked out.
But no matter what. Only time will tell as your friends here have all pointed out. Just live one date at a time and see how it goes.
By the way - about 4 months into our relationship - Josh didn't call when he was supposed to. Or the next night. And I nearly lost my mind. I was at the cottage. He was working in Montreal that week. By the 3rd day I had all but given up on him. And all men. But I did make a list of the good and the not so good in our relationship (the good won out hands down) so I tried not to lose faith.
That afternoon I finally went into town. First time I'd turned my cel on in a few days. And it rang shortly after. It was Josh. From work in Montreal (he NEVER made personal calls on company time). Sounded frantic. Had lost the cottage phone number. He didn't carry a cel then and I didn't have his hotel number that week. Anyway - he was panicked because he was sure I would be extremely upset and probably dump him.
It was particularly hard on me because I was still recovering from my post D lack of self esteem and this time I had really fallen for him.
Josh never ever lost the cottage # again, made sure I knew how to contact him at work and even got himself a cel phone. And he ALWAYS called when he said he would.
Sometimes something needs to go wrong so both people can see how they really feel.
Watching Bridget Jones. Maybe you should watch it. Keeps you thinking about relationships. WIth some light moments.
Hi everyone, I am chiming in without reading every single post but I have a sense.
I DO believe his story. He IS broke, I already knew that. He had major brain surgery a year and a half ago, his business is new, he's supporting his mom and has a minor child to support. I also know he has NO debt, lives within his means and always has, and came up from the poorest kind of ghetto upbringing. I admire him for that.
As some of you know, I was the victim of a psychopath who lied to me with dramatic stories about 1, a terminal illness, 2) his parents death, 3, circumstances around his financial problems.
I was so understanding that I bought all of it and never verified one single thing. It seemed like he was such a wonderful man who loved me and called twice a day. I bought it all.
There are many sick people out there and I do not hope you have one. Wonder
When I read those details about him - I remembered your situation and all the more reason I cautioned KML. There ARE many people out there who are just out to see what they can get out of someone else. There are inequities in this R. He potentially can gain much more than KML can.
Again, it doesn't matter if he is telling the truth. He is just not that into you. You latch onto someone's phrase "move heaven and earth." He didn't even try a little imagination to get in touch with you.
Whatever is going on, you are not his priority. He is not wondering about you while sitting for hours with a fishing rod (or he would have thought to check his cell phone carrier for your phone number or dropped you a postcard.)
Try following this general rule: NEVER be more into the R than he is. It isn't good for you or the R.
For whatever reason (too much going on in his life, still letting go of last R, whatever), he is not where he needs to be to be a decent BF for you. Accept less and give less or move on.
Look, when I was dating my (fabulous) H, he was all over the place, he was flaky, but he eventually got to a place to be a decent BF and incredible H.
Biglots could be the same. Or not. Who knows? But RIGHT NOW, he is not. Drop the rope that you shouldn't even have in your hands yet and see what happens. YOUR choice to decide if the potential benefits outweigh the risks.
Now, on another note, be very clear: There are REAL red flags here. You keep brushing them off. There is a difference between keeping an open mind and being a dunderhead. You can like him and still be wary. How flexible is his time with respect to when he can talk/see you? When can you see him on his own ground? Why in the world down you have each other's email addresses?
Again- good to know my peeps have got my back! But I don't get ant kind of vibe from this guy that he would be interested in me for monetary reasons (and, after all, he picked me up shopping in Big Lots, which is just one step above a dollar store lol! At least initially, he didn't have any reason to think I wasn't broke too!)
As for the "dramatic stories" - no, his really aren't dramatic, rather prosaic really. He had a fairly common kind of benign pituitary tumor, and he described the surgery and the complications afterward in perfect (if medically unsophisticated) detail.
His childhood (poor, ghetto, father cheated on his mom and got booted out when he was a kid, girlfriend pregnant when they were just seventeen) is just pretty typical for inner-city impoverished blacks in our area. I did my medical training in a similar area and had lots of patients who grew up in households just like his. He doesn't play it up - these are just details that have leaked out here and there in the course of normal conversation.
You are right, all I know about how his friends and family see him comes from him - but indirectly, through inference from the stories he has told. Except one night when we were out at one of his local hangouts, and all the security guards there greeted him like a treasured friend. And a guy he had met at the golf course came over and bought us a drink - I got the feeling it was a thank-you. I haven't had much chance to see him interact with other people but everything I HAVE seen has been extremely positive - he has a nice way about him with people.
There really hasn't been an opportunity yet for us to meet each other's friends or families - literally, there has not been ONE weekend available since we met, between my traveling, his traveling, and his visitation with his daughter. This coming week, though, there should be opportunities.
I guess I don't get that vibe from him and I don't even know him!!!
I guess I am also not planning a wedding when you haven't actually been "going out" really either...just have that potential
hows about everyone chill out for a bit until people get to know each other before waving those red flags at those imaginary bulls
we don't know that he is really not that into her I don't think HE knows if he is really that into her
or
if KML is really that into him for that matter
sounds like they are getting to know each other
Barb is talking about lists and 4 months of dating already and comparing her and Josh's relationship which is fabulous but it isn't the same
and
I don't think it even started out the same or that KML and Barb were looking for the same thing
correct me if I am wrong (and I may be) but it sounds like KML just recently decided that Mr Big Lots might potentially be boyfriend material, not that she was shopping for BF material before...correct?
so
why not see if develops into that before dooming it to fail
if it does, (fail) it doesn't sound like she will be devastated as she wasn't shopping for that to begin with but when she saw it, it sounded nice
(kind of like those sweet shoes you didn't know you were looking for until you saw them and then you found them in your size but not really in the color you would normally buy but that doesn't mean they are a bad pair of shoes...maybe purple shoes will be your new favorite and way more versatile than you ever imagined and you may find yourself wondering how in the crackerjacks you ever managed without a pair of purple shoes for this long...or you may decide that they are nice but not so nice on your feet and you return them after a couple of days and are a little wiser about the color palette of shoes you need in your wardrobe)
