Lol - well, I seem to be getting plenty of flack for being a floozy, and for letting some guy pick me up in a discount store (would Nordstroms have been okay with y'all?).
But- file under never ASSume - I talked to Mr. Big Lots today. I had finally sent him another text last night - no answer. Now I'm getting MAD, so I call him today, ready to read him the riot act. And the first thing he says when he hears me on the phone is "Finally! You called!"
Turns out - his friends did indeed whisk him off for the fishing weekend. And in the process of loading the truck, something got set on his iphone that ruined the screen - so he couldn't see his texts or find my phone number.
And he didn't want to just come by the house unannounced (sounds like maybe he was worried he might find me with another date??) although he said if he hadn't heard from me by tomorrow he was planning to come by and drop off a card.
All very appropriate and plausible and it just points out to me, how skittish I am, ready to believe the worst.
I say give him the benefit of the doubt one time...after that, question
and
I slept with Cori after talking to him and getting to know him for several months...we were friends 1st and I was dating another guy who was much more into me than I was into him (I specifically said I was not ready for a serious relationship and wanted to date other people...apparently honesty wasn't his thing)
anyway
sleeping with him pretty quickly didn't sabotage our relationship
we are quite happy and domestic and well matched and happy
yay us!!!
I say KML tell the truth get to know someone and decide if you want to sleep with that person that is the difference in relationship and booty call (in my mind)
I have had my wild days and my fair share of booty calls and basically I wanted to have sex with them (or without them I guess but with them was preferable)
but
Cori is the first person I ever wanted to have sex with and it mattered that it was him
make sense?
nothing wrong with wanting sex nothing wrong with having sex just be honest about the sex you are having
I am very gullible but I became a bit cynical after being cheated on by ex. And there is absolutely no way I'd believe him. That guy is seasoned. He was ready for you. I am shocked that you even bothered to call him.
Lol - no, I don't think he's lying to me. You should have heard how happy he was that I called!
He had thought that he couldn't afford to go on the fishing trip. Then his friends and family surprised him with the money for the trip and all his gear ready to go. (Which says something nice about how his family and friends feel about him). So he had a nice little birthday fishing trip to Yuma with his buddies, which he really really needed.
In the three days since he's been home, he's found a new apartment (his mom moved in with him and he's been looking for a larger apartment so she could have her own bedroom), been to the doctor's with his mom (who has just started treatment for hepatitis C), been working very long hours (has his own business and it's the busy season), and drove 2 hours away to pick up his daughter for the weekend. So I can't really blame him for thinking I would call soon and then he'd get to talk to me. Usually I WOULD have called him sooner, except I was mad at him for not calling me, lol!!!!
I need more wall space upon which to bang my head.
What happened to listening to your intuition? What happened to not making excuses for a guy so that you could continue to feel that he was into you?
Let me try to help: HE IS JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU
That is the bottom line.
If he were into you, he would have contacted you more when you were on tour.
If he were into you, he would have solved the communication problem. It wouldn't have been hard. He managed to maintain other important lines of communication -- with his mom, daughter, doctors, rental agents, business contacts, etc...
Let's see: he could have sent a postcard from his trip as soon as his phone failed, he could have emailed you, he could have texted you from a friend's phone or a computer, he could have gotten your phone number from his cell phone account, he could have left a message for you at the office.
He does NOT consider you his girlfriend. A guy doesn't disappear without a word to hid GF for his birthday weekend and do nothing to get in touch with her for more than a week. It just doesn't happen.
Now, this is all assuming he is telling the truth. That is, this is on the supposition that he was whisked away without one second to call before his departure and his phone was then immediately broken, etc, etc, etc... You are NOT a priority. You are NOT on his mind when out of sight. If you were, you WOULD have heard from him, on his trip, during the week after his return, more when you were traveling. So, whether he is being honest or not, he is just not that into you.
But, on the other hand, I think things are probably worse than that. Do you *really* think he went for an entire week without access to all the phone numbers on his cell phone somehow? Or do you know deep down that you sound a little like Pam and her Texas phantom guy, except that you are actually available for a bootie call?
Who knows what is going on? Maybe all is exactly as he said, maybe he is hooking up with someone else, maybe he is all over the place about how he feels about his X, who knows?
In the end it doesn't matter:
(1) It isn't working for you. (2) He isn't that into you.
I don't think either of these things has much of anything to do with having sex quickly. I don't think your true love will find you only if you don't put out for 3 months or 6 months or 6 years. Celibacy won't fix this.
If you want casual no-strings sex, then have it. But don't expect it to be anything more. especially from someone who keeps signaling to you that is all he is interested in -- no-strings sex with someone he finds pleasant.
Quit doing things that don't feel good to you.
Quit sticking with guys who show you that they aren't that into you.
Quit thinking that BF = someone who likes my body and will have sex with me.
MOST MEN are going to find you stunning and like your body, and plenty of them will have sex with you. Your H was a freak.
Feel good about your body yourself. If you need male validation, wear a bikini to the beach and prescribe yourself admiring looks from males for 30 minutes a day. But quit becoming needy/clingy/addicted to men who give you a little physical validation.
Now, OF COURSE, I could be totally wrong. Maybe if you drop him, he will suddenly become a different man and start pursuing you. Maybe he'll get serious about treating you well and developing your relationship. Maybe not.
But right now all you are doing is doormatting, investing in a relationship that doesn't really exist, feeling crummy about yourself, feeling grateful for crumbs. That behavior doesn't work long-term for all the (failed/faux) piecing attempts we see around here. It certainly isn't going to work for a 6-week fling with a flakey guy.
Stop it. Stop it. Stop it.
And why can't a grown man with his own fishing equipment and his own business afford to make a 3-hour drive sharing gas with a buddy anyway?
The whole thing stinks in so many ways. But nevermind that.
Whatever is going on, he is in a place in which he can't be a good romantic partner for you, he has show he is not that into you. Drop it.
I think Mr. Big Lots could be telling the truth; that said, I know that if a guy is "into" you he will move heaven and earth to get to you.
I've been dating lots of men and there are some who call, text, whatever and that shows interest. If you're not hearing from them, they aren't into you and it is time to move on.
Know yourself, communicate effectively, and compromise carefully. You are a prize and absolutely worth it!
Me 55 H 49 Married 21 years No kids bomb 5/09 filed 7/09 divorced and moving forward 5/10
OT, good to know you got my back - and that all my friends are so willing to defend me from the Big Bad Wolf.
That being said - I AM trusting my instincts on this one. Whenever I am with him, I think "What a good man he is". It's just that I have become somewhat insecure, with all this midlife dating madness, such that when he's not here, if he's not communicating the way I think he should, I am jumping to the worst possible conclusion.
I DO believe his story. He IS broke, I already knew that. He had major brain surgery a year and a half ago, his business is new, he's supporting his mom and has a minor child to support. I also know he has NO debt, lives within his means and always has, and came up from the poorest kind of ghetto upbringing. I admire him for that.
And truth be told, he may be a little bit ADD - if true, that might end up being one thing that is hard for me to deal with. But I really don't feel I can make any judgment about that until he's through this busy spell - right now, the guy gets up at 6 a.m.some days, works until 3 a.m. others - really tough hours.
He couldn't have called me on a friend's phone, because he doesn't know my phone number - it was in his phone, that was the only place he had it. And he was afraid to just come over unannounced to my house, because he knew I had the French house guest (who he has never met) and he might have worried (unnecessarily) that a large black man showing up at my house could be a problem if my family or friends were here. (He hasn't met them yet - I guarantee my mom is gonna love him to pieces). He said if I hadn't called in another day he would have come by the house and left a card.
We've never communicated by email so he wouldn't have my email address.
Now - he might turn out to be a guy who doesn't have enough time for me - I'll have to wait and see on that. It's not fair, I think, to judge him on this past month, which has been crazy for both our schedules. And since I really DON'T want a guy who wants to see me every day (I'M too busy for that) it's more a matter of whether our communication can improve - and whether I can just relax a little bit.
