Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Treading water - time and patience

This isn't the problem Peter. You spoke honestly and with love here.



^^^ This was asking for reassurance and being needy.

See the difference?

Yes - I see the difference. I just don't see it in time to stop myself when we're talking about things.

W came back from swimming with D6 - we're going out for dinner later. Should be a fun relaxed evening.

Let me put a little bug in your ear. Do not have expections from her telling the C that she loved you. As with a lot of LBH's, you may start acting as if everything is good in the M again. It's not. She is going to "remind"
you that it's not. Expect her to pull away.

I hear you Sandi - I'm not expecting everything to be rosy again. I am sure she will remind me, but it's something I haven't heard for a while and it's nice to hear.

Dinner was nice - a little burger joint with tables outside, we had a good time. No pressure - just enjoying time with the family.

Thats the real key here Pete, making it about your family. No pressure, just be about the children because this will reinforce and strengthen the relationship. You don't have to expect anything other than that you will be the best husband and father for your family. Keep it up man...my prayers are with you!

- KC

Just journaling....

I didn't see my wife last night she left for work before I got home. Left her a note to wake me if she hears my alarm and I don't get up (I am notorious for sleeping through my alarm) - as I had an early round of golf.

She woke me and then lied down next to me for 5 mins - first time we have lied down next to each other for 3 months. She had her back to me and we just snuggled for a while, and then she said "I guess you'd better get going else you'll be late".

Got back from golf and took the girls to a birthday party - she left for work, no touching or physical contact - I guess this is where she may have a small regret about getting into my bed.

Sorely tempted to go to sleep in the marital bed tonight - of course I won't, it would pressure on her - she can come into my room if she wants to.

Small steps - time and patience.

Very nice baby step...

Yes... patience... no course corrections for now, AFAIC... she pulled back a bit and so no consistency... need consistency...

More journaling, I can't sleep - woke up at 4:00am.

Sleeping in this spare room is like going to a prison cell albeit one where I can open the door, but I can't go into certain areas of the house.

We celebrated W's b'day with the girls at dinner last night - I put the girls to bed and W then put her PJ's on. W sat and read for a while and then went to bed, hardly any conversation or interaction after the girls were put to bed.

I feel like someone who is great to have around - pay the bills, look after the girls help with household chores, but not someone who my W wants to be intimate with. It's really draining both emotionally and physically - we seem no closer from a physical standpoint than we were 3 months ago. She clearly regrets lying down next to me the other morning.

W is going out with friends tonight to celebrate her birthday and we go to the theatre tomorrow night - it will be like going to the theatre with a complete stranger.

I know - time and patience but the the straw that breaks the camel's back will land soon.

Well - have a bit more clarity on my sitch and I'm getting the feeling that though the changes will be good for me, it's not going to save my M.

Not sure I event want to go out with W tomorrow night - I'd rather spend it with someone who wants to be with me.

Met a friend for lunch - W confided in his wife over the weekend that she's given up on the M, she's sticking it out to get some $$ together so she'll be able to cope for a while until she is back on her feet (I wondered why our joint account is always so low).

She basically said that it took her a long time to realize how unhappy she was and it took going to IC to say something to me. She wants out and she doesn't care how much I change - it makes no difference. I am promising her a new M and she has no interest in going there.

Glad my friend told me, certainly clarifies things - I really don't understand how someone can do this to another person. MC is just a sham.

Theoden-

You give great advice. I learned a lot in this thread.

Thank You