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Oh 9.... I am so very, very saddened to read this thread. My heart is broken into a million pieces for you, your sons and all your family and friends who love your wife. I prayed for you and your boys as soon as I began reading the thread, and I will continue to pray for you. Anything that can be done through the boards to assist with any need you have, please count me in. Please let others take care of you right now. Hold those precious boys tight to you. Know that there are many prayers being lifted. When you have time and energy, let us know how you are doing, as so many of us are going to be very concerned for and worried about you.
Love, prayers and hugs to you and yours, lc4

9
There are really no words to the loss and pain you feel. You are in everyone's hearts, prayers and thoughts.

Know that you if you need outside assistance please look for it. There are people/places that have resource, training and experience for what you are going through and will continue to go through.

Nine,

I'm so sorry to hear this and very sad. You will be in my prayers man.

We are all here for you. No matter how many times this has already been said, here it is again: This is not your fault.

Again this board overwhelms me with support. i got back from the funeral home and its really sinking in now that she is gone.

We went over the particulars with my best friend and brother in law. There is conflict , of course, between her family and me about the viewing. We all agree that there wont be a viewing as she did not wish this but i need to see her again and say a few things to her. the funeral director strongly suggested that the boys see her again for closure. i have heard this before. as a phys ed teacher, i have heard many times a funeral director tell the class the importance of closure.

My sil who has been very supportive, absolutely doesnt think the boys she be exposed to this. my bil also disagrees but thinks its up to me. my other bil thinks it would be traumatic. the funeral director said i should not push it one way or another about whether to do this and i am leaning this way. i know myself, i will view her repeatedly because i have trouble letting go and i will have soooooooo much trouble seeing her for the last time.

i called my two sweet boys into my room and we talked about their wishes. My youngest immediately said he wanted and my oldest was stoic about it. he said he would let me know.

i am also going to do the eulogy, or at least try my best .\\

i could use some help with some opinions

I also could use some help with ideas for the funeral for the paper. What usually goes into, i guess i could by a local paper and look at the back at the obit and that is what i will do.\\

Thanks again for all the support.\

i am convinced that alcohol killed my wife. She was having a great time every body said. Was blowing kisses at the bar to her firends, was happy. Was making plans for tomorrow.\

SOMETHING happened when she got home and i dont know what that could have been. i suppose i may get some clues when i get her blackberry.\\

there is a theory that she was texting him to tell him that he ruined her life and that she would show him or idk. all speculation.\\

i have tons of people supporting me/ phone ringing off hook and my closest frineds here from my hometown and my cloesest friends her from my current town.

i am blessed in this capacity. i dont want to blame myself but that is how i roll. always have in sports etc...


i dont want the kids to blame themselves and i am careful not to ever let them hear that .

Tomorrow, they will do they autopsy on my angel. i did love her so much but didnt have the power to be patient with her. i would give anything to have her back, even if she chose om , that would be waaaaay better than this.

Sometime i would think early in our separation, that her death would be easier than her leaving me for om . i see now that this was a selfish way to think and that her death is the worst thing possible. My kids deserve a mother.

She was a wonderful mother. let me share one story that show this.

one christmas, she was very concerned that our oldest would not get the present he wanted. it was a wii when they first came out.

As many know, we live in a small town and there were no wiis whatsoever left. she called the city 1 and half hours away and found ten in stock at a futureshop. She asked them to set one aside but they couldnt. She just finished working nights and was dead tired. i had to go to work and told her that if we couldnt get the wii, it was not the end of the world. the crazy fool drove to Sudbury in a mild snowstorm and she detested driving in the snow. She got him the wii and we gave it to him like the father did in a christmas story. What a memeory of her.

God im going to miss her. i already do and its only been 2 days.

pete

9,

Regarding your boys and viewing... I absolutely believe that giving them the option is a good choice.

She IS their mother.

Although my "ask" would be very careful to be CLEAR to them that she is gone and it will just be her body that they will see.

At this point, the reality is, it doesn't matter whether your W's family, your family, your friends, or ANYONE has a differing opinion and dislikes your choice.

YOU were her husband. SHE was their MOTHER. AND THAT IS ALL THAT MATTERS.

Just BE STRONG for your boys... whether they choose to see her body or not.

9, I type. I delete. I type. I delete.

You have always spoken with your heart.

Everything you have done. One thing I know. YOU know. Has been done with your heart. It has been with, driven by, love. You know this, I am sure. With this, there is absolutely no reason for you to beat yourself up AT ALL.

No reason for this to change for the eulogy and obituary.

Speak from the heart. You know this well.

For the latter, I guess I suggest involving other family members. It may help you and them as well.

9, I am not sure if you saw my post above about trying to find a way to send condolences.

If you can, let me know your thoughts. If it is something you would like. I understand either way.

If dbmod, jack, Virginia, etc is reading, I do have one suggestion. Just a suggestion.

We send our items to the DB office.

The office can ensure items do not jeopardize the anonymousness of the posters/board.

You would have to give your contact info to the DB office.

They would then ship the items to you.

Of course there is cost with this. I have no problem funding this. If others would like to donate, perhaps a Paypal account could be setup or something. But nonetheless. Money is not an issue here. I have no problem sending a check.

Maybe this is a pipe dream.

But let me know.

Both 9 and the mods.

Thanks.

God bless Pete.

What a sweet story about your wife and her buying the Wii for your son. Write the good memories down as they come to you, and encourage your boys to do the same. Compile them and read them together or during alone time when you need to feel close to her. You might encourage other family members and friends to do the same and email or mail or to you over the coming days and weeks. Cherish the good times, and when you are able, let go of everything else.
I pray that the Lord will fill you with strength and all the right words to share in her eulogy. As my Mother reminds me often, "If He brought you to it, He'll bring you through it." Easier said than done, but it is true...the Lord will never give us more than we can handle.
Love to you and yours....lc4

9,

I've been thinking about you and your boys all day.
I can't get this out of my mind.

I pray for strength for you and your children in the next few days ahead, because I know they'll be difficult.

I am here for you. We all are.