More of the same is exactly what I am concerned about not being. I absolutely agree with your growth stability decay theory.
I've always been on the heavy side. I'm big boned and muscular. But could stand to lose some weight. My wife has never said anything about it and when asked she said she married me that way. But on the other hand she makes snide remarks about other guys that are overweight. She's in fantastic shape. She hangs out with triathletes.
She values physical strength, she values fitness, she values leadership strength.
So this is why my evening workouts have become paramount. Actually let me rephrase that. My evening workouts are extremely important for me. I gain strength through them both physical and mental. The fact that it will impress her is a side benefit.
I am in a leadership position. I am a role model to many. Adults and children. However this also puts me in a strange position of not having much social life. I am limited to what I can do socially. In a way like a mini celebrity. This has always been an issue and my W and I used to have a very select group of friends we would socialize with. That worked well when we did that and I'd love to figure out a way to make that happen again. When we had dinner with the other couple that's when things were good in our bedroom. It became a routine. Have dinner with them, come home and have sex.
Yes I know I am in one of the better positions. I've read many posts on here and so many are in so much more of seemingly hopeless positions than muyself. I know I've been given a chance.
I did notice a psychological change in myself the night she left. I felt like getting in better shape. I felt like taking care of myself. It wasn't a chore it all of a sudden became something I look forward to. As a matter of fact every day I look forward to evening time when I go and do my grueling workout.
What I figured out was this. Not only was I relying on junk food as an emotional crutch. But I was eating a bag of chips or a candy bar here and there to get back at her. I don't know why. I don't fully understand it. But I know it to be true.
That has changed. As a matter of fact we had a discussion early on. She asked that I take care of myself. She was very concerned that I wouldn't eat healthy. Often times I don't when she's away. Although we eat extremely healthy when she's here. But quite the opposite happened. I maintained a healthy diet but cut portion sizes down from my regular. Cut down on my wine drinking, and started exercising heavily. Her diet went the other way. She's gone on spells of eating fast food and it shows. Not on her body but in her mood. She feels terrible.
So for me I think more and more exercise and healthy eating is a focus.
I will continue to look for another way of GAL I know that would be very good. Hhhmm an idea just popped into my mind. I'll see what I can do.
BTW she just skyped me while I was writing this. She was in a better mood. We talked for a bit. She's not coming in today and wanted to know if that was ok. Save the gas money. Said to skype her if I needed anything. I don't know if that was intentional, probably was, but skype is good in that I can see where shes at. Conversation was good and lighthearted. Not about anything R related of course.
It used to upset me when my W made comments or showed concern about my well being...
I think back that maybe I should have shown more gratitude to her well wishes...
The thing is, it just felt so empty... just projecting her guilt that I won't (be able to) take care of myself... and at this time, it certainly DOES feel like it was empty, as it certainly wasn't coming from a place of spousal care, as she was and continues to be with OM...
but... the high road would be, show gratitude to their well wishes... it's not a horrible thing to accept and be open to... no matter where it might be coming from...
That's my story, but the point is. If she's thinking about your health, she's thinking about you... and no matter what... that's a good thing...
That's where your sitch is better than those whose WAS appear to not be thinking about their LBSs much, if at all...
You are totally right on that. As a matter of fact I know she thinks about me a lot. She shows it. She does a lot of caring things. Last week she knew I was in a lot of pain and not eating. She came in and precooked several meals. Especially odd since she never cooks. She also does things like show up to do the dishes.
I've got it pretty good comparatively. But on the other hand that's what makes it so damn confusing. She obviously cares. She obviously loves me. We are obviously still best friends.
Oh well, nothing to do but just go workout and be better than before.
Interesting revelations yesterday but in no mood to analyze or post. My faithful dog died unexpectedly today. Stomach turned over and they couldn't save her. God Rest her beautiful soul.
