Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers I guess I am now an official member of the DB club

Thanks KD! I looked like a damn peacock when I went to Mass this morning and I made sure that the crazy woman she is living with saw me. LOL!!
I really wanted her to come over so I could at least use my newly acquired communications skills on her instead of my old ways of fixing and dominating the conversation. I'm being out NC'd!! And yeah I let this get under my skin because she still treats me like a disease and is still using email. Of course she told me she can only use email on the one or 2 days a week she works. Well she just emailed me from somewhere about an hour ago and she sure doesn't work on Sundays.
I CANNOT let this person who looks like my wife control me!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Believe me it is hard to GAL in this little armpit of the world. It is a bedroom community and entertainment here is non existent. It is a wide place in the road on the way to somewhere else. The only reason I'm here was to take care of W's elderly parents while she worked. I guess she has rewritten that part of history too.

lol @ mass! Hope you didn't have feathers in your cap!

Try not to figure out where she got internet access from... maybe the library? Maybe crazy lady... maybe she got a new laptop and is at home... she's got you in her pinch if you're thinking about this stuff... and she'll somehow KNOW that... they always seem to...

Forget the alien... your W is on a journey and has no ETA.

What about having parties at your place? Invite friends... test out some new recipes you've seen on the food channel... again, opportunity to GAL, and show your BEST side, and maybe she's hear about it...

but you'll have a good time and keep your mind off stuff...

And yeah... rewritting history... they do that... grrr...

I like the idea of having a dinner party. I really do watch the Food Channel and like to cook. Unfortunately, she has bailed on all of OUR friends so she probably won't hear about it, but it would be fun. I'll give that some thought.
Thanks KD
There is no public internet access of any consequence in this hell hole. Crazy lady where she lives doesn't have internet. W does have her laptop, but like you say, I can't obsess on this crap. Life is toooooooo short.

Update
Small town drama. Saw OM pulling into a 24 hour coffee shop parking lot at mid morning. Not breakfast, Not lunch. First tip. Although there were parking spaces right in front, he went around and behind the coffee shop and parked next to the dumpster. Another tip. So I thought I would just park next door in a grocery store parking lot and see "whazzup". As soon as he got his car stopped and turned the engine off he started looking around and dang if he didn't see me. I saw him get on the phone and start his car at the same time. He pulled out very slowly and turned on to the main street. I pulled out and started to follow him and guess who I almost ran into as she was pulling into the coffe shop parking lot? You guessed it! There was W!
Now way back in May, when W decided to move out she told me it was all over with OM. Of course that was the 4th time she had told me it was over in the last year. So I had a feeling in the back of my mind since she left that things were not as they appeared. Now I had seen it again with my own eyes. To add a little flesh to this bony story, I knew that my wife had an appointment with her lawyer to set up an initial property settlement proposal. She was on her way back from that appointment when she almost made the rendevous. So I'm thinking they were going to sit down and have a nice cup of coffee and discuss how she was going to pick my bones clean in the property division and how they were going to live happily ever after.

I didn't realize it but that was my boundary and it is time for some TOUGH LOVE! I have known OM's wife since 7th grade. (small town), so I picked up my cell phone and told her what I had just seen. She has known some of what has gone on between W and OM, but was assured by him that it was no big thing, just friends, and hadn't had contact in months. She is in denial. Anyway, I laid out the whole thing for her for the last year, prepaid cell phones, anonymous hotmail accounts. Private meetings around in adjoining towns. She was devastated.

I drive on home and get on the internet a couple of hours later and found that W has been a busy little girl. She has changed PINS on all investment and retirement accounts and blocked me. Who knows what else she has done. Called my lawyer and drove down to talk to him. Told him the story and told him to protect me. I now have a restraining order in place which is what I should have done originally instead of being Mr. Niceguy. She is basically locked down. She has to give me all the new passwords. Make everything transparent. Spend only for basic necessities. She is off my checking account that she had been burning up with her debit card.
So pull out the 2x4 and swing away, but this W has had it her way too long. And that folks is what i call a 180!!!
My therapist said to be considering what to do if she suddenly shows up at the front door wanting to talk.
Well guess what, she did show up yesterday for the first time in 2 months. Wouldn't come in the house because she was afraid of the restraining order. Dropped off some piece of paper that she said I needed to sign. It was bogus and I didnt sign it. I think she was temperature taking. Whatever.

Long Long Quiet weekend. No drama and that is a good thing. Got a notice of discovery from her lawyer Friday afternoon. That makes for a great weekend. My lawyer told me to not worry too much about it. Mostly boilerplate.
Ate lunch with an old friend from work Friday. Shared a bottle of wine with an even older friend Friday night. She has know W and I longer than anyone. When I told her the story, the first thing out of her mouth was "she has a physiological condition. Brain tumor maybe or maybe small stroke affecting personality centers of the brain." Well that may be but until she lays down for the MRI we will never know will we. Saw OM's wife at Mass this morning. She looked tired and tense. Bet it isn't too happy over there.

I certainly hope your friends are making jokes about their age on a public forum... sheesh... old friends... indeed... lol!

And I couldn't help by get a visual of you, florescent trouble light in hand, walking up to your wife and "scanning" her with it...

Hope all is well with you, Woody...

Had to come back here and re-read your sitch after your post in infidelity...

Sometimes the recent past can get so blurry...

Like I said in Infidelity... it's the depth of the lies and deceit and the unfounded excuses and projections of the WAS in an A, that really hurts at the LBS core...

That's right KD and what really hurts me more than any physical part of the infidelity is the idea that my wife has confided all of our fears, hurts, triumphs, and tragedies to another man who really could give a r@ts @ss about any of it. And I hold it sacred. She just couldn't bring herself to talk to me about "our" problems but could easily confide them to a total stranger. That hurts.

By the way, just got a call from my L's secretary. Wants me at his office at 0745 Monday morning prior to 0900 court. I got a feeling I'm going to find out at that time, how painful this is really going to be. Remember, whenever a lawyer tells you "it's no problem" , it is probably a problem and a big one to you. Maybe not so much to him. Kaching! as he cashes the check.

Im sorry I couldn't read your whole thread but just wondering how do you know she is confiding in OM? Going through the same thing and I know its awful.

I know because she basically told me. She started out by saying that he was just a friend that she felt comfortable confiding in. He was a "third party" with no allegiance. But that was all a lie. Remember people who are in affairs lie. They can't help themselves. I think they even lie to themselves. It's the only way they can deal with the guilt.
As it stand now, he knows more about my sitch than I do and has spent significantly more time with my W than I have in the last 10 weeks.
She even had the nerve to tell me the first time I found out about the EA that she felt sorry for him because he had such a miserable marriage himself. WHAT!?!?!?!?!??!