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LR... It's been said here in the past that we don't have to give up hope...

But... if you could do your best to protect it... put it in a fireproof, ornate box, lock it up, and place it on the highest possible shelf away from those who would do it harm and just let it sit there, nice and safe...

and then, you can always have your hope... and in the mean time, you can get on with doing what works...

HTH

Hi everybody, a few updates.

Wednesday my wife texted me to tell me that she hurt her finger. I was very supportive and asked if she needed any help.

Friday I had to go to the house to pick up a lot of my stuff, while my wife was at work. In the middle of the morning she texts me apologising for the house being a mess and saying that her finger is actually broken. Half hour later she sends me a text just with kisses (she didn't close the other text with kisses). I answer back saying that I'm upset because she's in pain and offering my help again. She answer saying that the pain isn't that bad and thanking for the help offer.

At night, she texts me again saying that she's healing quickly and hoping that I'm okay. I answered saying that she always healed good and wished her a good night sleep. I make a remark to something personal to us.

This morning she texted me saying that she feels like wanting to move the finger but that she won't. She also mentions the personal thing I mentioned. I reply with a smile and kisses. I then send her a joke to cheer her up, and she replies with a big smile, saying that I made her smile.

So, it seems that we now finally have a personal communication going on. We stopped talking about practical things and my wife is opening about her personal things. I've been GAL'ing a lot in the last couple of weeks, I'm involved in charity challenges, personal projects, etc., and I'm not secret about them (I share it on Facebook because in some of those projects I need my friend's support).

I'm being cautious and I'm not rushing. First, I need to protect myself because I don't know what are my wife's intentions yet. But I'm completely receptive to her communication attempts, and a couple of times I was a bit more personal in the conversation and my wife didn't seem to feel uncomfortable.

How should I proceed from now on? Do you guys have any good advices from your personal experience? My objectives here are two: first, protect myself from false hopes and from falling down the hole again; second, safe my marriage.

Thank you!

By the way, the joke was:

Q: What's slimy, cold, long and smells like pork?
A: Kermit the Frog's finger.

:-)

Hi there,

Our "no contact" period of almost 2 months it now over, since last Wednesday, because we're texting each other about various subjects a few times a day. My wife texted me again last night saying that she spent the day with her nephews and that she was feeling broody. She also thanked me for making contact easy. I replied that sometimes I also feel broody and told her that I'm here for her, so that contact thing is nonsense. I sent her another joke and she smiled.

This morning we exchanged a couple of other texts and I sent another joke. This time I initiated the conversation.

I never thought that it would be so difficult after the no contact period. I'm feeling very anxious, very stressed and even sick. I'm sleeping worse than ever. I don't fully know what are my wife's intentions and I'm afraid of suffering again. I'm also afraid of making mistakes and ruining things if my wife is having some sort of second-thoughts about our split.

Any comments from you are very welcome, I'm open to your ideas!

Thank you.

Hi again,

The good contact between us is continuing... Alongside my anxiety. I've sent a few jokes to my wife that made her laugh, and this morning, first thing, she sent me a text asking why the jokes? I told her that I feel good when I know I make her smile, and she said that it's all good, that she smiles and that she appreciates it. Then we talked about music.

At lunch time I contacted her through Messenger to wish her a good lunch and then we talked for a while and ended-up exchanging photos. She sent me a photo of her broken finger and I sent her a photo of my lunch!

As I said, I'm very anxious. Things look good, we're communicating, but I'm still not 100% sure of what's happening. I'm afraid of messing-up or getting hurt... And I don't know what should be the next step.

I would really like to hear your opinions about this, thank you very much!

"I feel good when I know I make her smile"

Wrong answer. Stop with the 'I' comments.

You are doing it for her, not for you. Get it?

Reverse the order of your goals...or lose the "I don't get hurt" one altogether.

We all take risks here.

IF you want a guaranteed result, then you should not have married.

Be the best man you can be, permanently, (not just temporarily as a tactic.

Then leave the results up to God.

Let her make the next step.

Remember you are busy living your life......stop being SOOOO available.

A little mystery about you will spark her curiosity........

and it does not happen overnite.

Cheers

Thank you very much guys, I am here since the beginning to save my marriage. In the last two months I invested practically all my energy on that and in supporting my mum's disease.

I am centring the conversation on my wife most of the time, I always check how her finger is, how she's feeling, etc..

I will be cautious but also very receptive every time my wife reaches me. The way I changed in the last 2 months will be forever, or at least until the next time I suffer the way I did. I used to believe that adults don't change... But they do, with the right amount of pain. It's a sad truth, I'm the living proof of it.

Thank you again, cheer!

Sooo true.



I am glad you are making your wife the center of conversation when you do have contact.......

Just try not to initiate the contact so much. Let her come to you more, don't be so available.

While the interaction "feels" good at the time, it is not ultimately what attracts her back to you.

It sounds as if she is receptive to communication with you, see if she will now start to pursue more conversation with you.....

The only way to see if she does that is to not initiate so much.

Cheers