Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis A new perspective???

Hey IB, I know, that kind of thing seems to happen at doctor's offices, though in my case, my XH never changes the stuff and I end up having to be the one to explain no, do NOT use him as my contact person, and NO, I am responsible for my own insurance.

Just remember the years were NOT erased. They existed, and for those of the years that you were happy, they were important and necessary for your growth as a person. You had good times then; they are not erased. They can't be. Think of it this way, what is "erased" is only what you assumed would happen in your future in terms of plans or dreams with your XH. Well, the future is always up in the air and questionable. You still have a wonderful future in store, with him if things change, without him if they don't, on your own possibly, or with someone else. That's a lot of potential for happiness.

HUGS to you :-)

Thanks Antonia - it's a head vs. heart kind of thing.

Glad to hear from you - it's been a heck of year for both of us!

Irish

I still have a W as far as the Catholic church is concerned...

Not my W now. My first W. We D'd 11 years ago.

And you know what?

That's cool.

It may seem strange but she will always be my W.

We grew up together (we met when we were 18)

It is kind of comforting that someone, somewhere recognizes that our relatinship meant more than just what happened at the end.

It's like looking cross at the last piece of bacon someone eats before a heart attack.

It ain't fair.

Your church is for you. Don't let it be a source of fear and regret because of your X.

God Bless You.

Thanks TG - I am grateful for your redirection:)

Today, my Divorce Care message was: "God can use your separation or divorce to help you understand His plan for your life. God created you for a specific purpose that only you can fulfill. In order to know where He is directing you and to hear what He is saying to you, you must draw near to Him, spend time developing that relationship, and start praying about how God can use you.Dr. Myles Munroe says, "God created everybody for a purpose. You were not born for the purpose of being married; therefore, you must discover the dream God put in your heart. There's something He wants done on this earth that requires your life." There will come a time (or times) when God has planned for you to be in a certain place, at a certain time, and at a certain level of spiritual maturity to fulfill His purpose. He is preparing you "for such a time as this." Be ready!"

Made me cry (of course everything does anymore:))

On another note - my daughter got engaged today to a lovely man! I wish I could share this with the man I once knew - but I will share it instead with those who love me!

Congratulations. I myself am a very proud MIL, although my D and he are currently separated. He will always be a part of the family to me. I feel very blessed the my D's husbands all think kindly of me, even through disagreement and sometimes divorce. I can call them for help and they will come at a moment's notice.

As for the church bean counter, Everybody's got one. Somebody who has to know that all the numbers match up and the amounts balance. It's all they live for.

Rough few days. Feel very lonely. Feel very overwhelmed by life - as though I have no one to share with at the level I had with XH. Wondering if this ever goes away. Oldest D is in wedding planning mode and I want everything to be amazing - but truthfully my heart is hurting so badly from the D and from all that has happened - I'm not sure what to do. I'm also truly exhausted - from working full time, from being a full time parent. My oldest D is getting married, I moved my middle D into her new apt. (5th in 4 years - 3 stories, no elevator), planning her senior year, planning my son's senior year in high school. I'm tired. I'm depressed. Wow...

I'm sorry you are feeling overwhelmed.

You are blessed in so many ways. Your and your children are healthy, you have a job, you have a family who loves you.

Your children are old enough to handle many things on their own. And you can only do what you can do.

So, you have been through a lot. Dont overextend yourself. I'm sure your daughter has friends who could have helped her move this last time.

It's ok to remember how far you've come, but, continue moving foward.

Take one thing at a time. I'm not sure what you have to do to plan for your son's senior year, but, only do what you can. I know he would understand.

Hang in there, sweetie.

hello irish,

i'm sorry the blue has crept back in.....why not go and read your first post in this thread?

it was so inspiring and encouraging to me.....maybe it will give you renewed strength

xo

IB - I am so sorry that you are feeling down, you are exhausted. Too much physically and emotionally on your plate. I always felt worst when I was tired.

Not sure missing the emotional closeness ever completely goes away, but what happens [at least for me] is that eventually we accept it and start to truly enjoy the emotional freedom of being totally ourselves. It is scary, but exhilarating.

We forget all the downsides of coupledom, especially if we were starting to become [or had become] co-dependent as our spouses slid into MLC. We believe we need the other to be happy and complete. We also know that is bs!

There is much to look forward to, I promise. A lot of pain to experience but a lot of joy. This is the hardest bit. My eldest son got married nine months post bomb and his happiness was very mixed with pain for me, but I now look back to his marriage with pleasure, and enjoy my relationship with him and his wife.

All of my adult children now have partners who may be 'the one'. And I am both glad that they were not too damaged and cynical by what happened to take the step, while missing at times what I had. But as I said, I miss it less and less, and enjoy life more and more. We have clearer eyes post divorce!!

Irish,

Sorry you are feeling down. Coincidentally, so am I this morning. Must be the weather. You are obviously staying busy; perhaps too busy. Give yourself a break. An afternoon massage and mani/pedi; that type of thing. Just to take the edge off.

You have a supportive family from all accounts. Let them be there for you as well as being there for them. I know they have been in the past, and they will understand.

I know somewhere in the back of your mind is the awkwardness approaching of your D's wedding with your X; with or without the OW. Try to take one day at a time. Take a deep breath. You can only deal with today.

((FEEL BETTER))