I am at a point in my sitch where I need to let things rest and just be...
I must let my W go for now... it is what she wants... it is what she needs
I will do this for her... Because I love her
I need to stop having contact with my W in order to do this...
I will do this for me, my W, and my M...
I want a new, better M through FREE WILL...
I do not want my W to return to me because of pressure, manipulation, or any other reason other than she CHOOSES to return because she wants to be with me...
I will use this time to try to learn more about myself...
Who I am...
My character... vs. my personality...
I will use this time to look at what I want for my life...
If having my W is even what I truly want ...
What traits do I want in the person who I am with...
Does my W still fit that profile? Did she ever?
Am I still fighting just to win... or because I am afraid to cut my losses...
I need to figure these things out in my head and in my heart...
I will continue to hope that we can reconcile in the future...
I will let things rest...
I will just be...
For now...
Today is not the day that I give up. Tomorrow may be different, but today is not the day that I give up.
Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
I am where you are too Denver. Still working, still evaluating and reevalutating myself and all my relationships.
It's painful at times but it's really true, the hardest person to get to know is yourself.
Know yourself.
I know I need and want more from a M than what I had and settled for, and my STBX may not ever be able to give me what I need or want anymore.
You may also reach the same conclusion.
Why do I say that? Because, he stills sees me as "the" problem.
As for giving up, I've had to change Jack's mantra to my own particular personality.
Today is the day I give up control over events, situations, and people that was never mine. I control only me. The rest is up to God. I keep hope, optimism and the ability to forgive alive.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
wow denver. one hell of a realization and tough to follow but i guess necessary. I may be right behind you buddy. R is within reach but true recon may not be there.
hopefully the path you choose is the right one. Its so hard to tell.
9
BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
With ya, bud. Feeling the same thing now. I loved what I had, but in retrospect so many of my needs weren't being fulfilled that maybe my W never could fulfil them.
It doesn't stop me from missing her so much I cry. Rough times for us all.
RE: "I am at a point in my sitch where I need to let things rest and just be..."
1. What SPECIFIC things are you going to STOP doing to achieve that?
RE: "I must let my W go for now..."
2. How are you going to do that?
RE: "I need to stop having contact with my W in order to do this..."
3. What methods of communication will you be using from now on?
RE: "I will use this time to try to learn more about myself..."
4. How are you going to learn about yourself?
RE: "Who I am..."
5. Who ARE you? What are your values?
RE: "I will use this time to look at what I want for my life..."
6. How?
RE: "What traits do I want in the person who I am with..."
If you don't know who you are, what you want and where you're going, how do you expect to recognize yourself? Know if what you have is what you want AND even know if you've reached your destination.
RE: "I need to figure these things out in my head and in my heart..."
To do that you need space. LOTS of it. If you can afford it, go away somewhere for at least ONE week. Don't tell anyone where you're going -- especially your WW. Give your contact details to ONE trusted person only and explicit instructions to only contact you in case of a BIG emergency. Then sit your @SS down and figure out some of these questions.
A man without a plan is a man adrift in the ocean and waiting for a wind to blow him in whatever direction it blows. (And the wind never blows in a single direction constantly)
