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Just journaling.

I had a great weekend with the kids. We couldn't do much because S8 was sick, but it was great just having them around, playing games & watching movies.

Yesterday my wife asked me to help her buy a new TV for her new apartment. She moves in this week, we have to be out of the house by next Sunday.

We had a good time just the two of us. A friend had the kids. We just enjoyed eachothers company as friends. It was soooo hard not to bring up R talk. But I did it. Yeah!

I just don't get it. It appears that she wants to be around me, but NO R talk. Oh how I want to be able to take her into my arms like before. She is my angel, but at this moment to far to reach and touch.

Afterwards we went to our favorite Mexican restaurant to have dinner with the kids. My S8 started to say he doesn't understand the divorce. My STBXW had stated that the divorce was necessary because we were fighting a lot. But S8 said that we have not fought for a couple of months now, so why the divorce. At this S10 & D5 started asking her questions. She was getting upset and I could tell she thought that I had started this somehow. I told the kids we are divorced for now, and let's just enjoy dinner as a family, and that it would be a could idea to change the subject.

To my embarssment, D5 let out the largest burp in the restaurant. Both boys started laughing, and thus we were on to a new topic, me trying to tell the three laughing kids that this behaviour was not appropiate in a restaurant. I had to then chastise my STBXW because she was not helping with her laughter.

I will be interacting with the STBXW a lot this week helping move our stuff out of the house. My goal is not to initiate any R talk, and to be cheerful the entire time. Wish me luck. It can be so hard to do...

Yesterday was an ok day. My stbxw called me about 5:00 in the afternoon wanting to know if I was heading to the house to help move some of the furniture to her new apartment. I really did not have the energy or desire to see her or move furniture, so I said that I was busy. She asked, I could tell by her tone she was in a good mood, so I conceded. I have hard time saying no to her.

So, I arrived to the house, loaded up some furniture, drove to the apartment, and unloaded the furniture. At this point I was ready to leave, it was around 7:30. She asked if the reason I said I wasn't going to help originally was because I had a date set up. I said no, that I am still waiting for her to come to her senses. She quickly changed the subject. She was unpacking and asked me stay to help and talk. Again I said ok.

For the next hour we just enjoyed eachothers company talking and unpacking. I swear it was as if everything was back to normal, minus the sexual inuendos we use to throw eachothers way before.

By 8:15 we had finished with up. Again I was ready to go home. She asked to accompany her and the kids while the kids went swimming. The pool is located right at the apartment complex. Again, I agreed.

The stbxw and I did not swim. We just sat next to eachother conversing while the kids played in the pool. After about 15 minutes the conversation led to R. I don't remember how it started, probably by me, but I rember points brought up.

I stated that it appears we are back to being friends like before, and that I can tell she still has feelings for me. She agreed, so I asked her to go to the movies with me.

She said not yet, that she was still hurt, and that the things take time to heal. She began with the list of things I had done wrong, spying on her accusing her of being unfaithful, the arguing from before. As she spoke, I noticed one small change. She did not seem as angry or sad as before.

I validated everything she said while looking into her eyes. I never had a problem looking into her eyes since they are the most beautiful eyes. The one piece of advice a told her was that one vital ingredient to healing is forgiving. I hope she could see the changes that I had made for her to be closer to forgiving me.

She stated I will have another opportunity with her, but until then, we both should start seeing eachother. Grrrrrr!!! I was reminded of what Sandi had said earlier, she might go wild for awhile.

She believes this will help us in two ways. One, she dated a lot before we married. It is almost as if she needs to be reminded of the garbage out their, and to see if she will think of me. This may lead her to missing me more.

Second, I did not date a lot before we got married. She believes I could use the practice of courting before we get back together. The entire time my mind is thinking BS! The only thing I said is that I want and deserve first opportunity when she is ready to date again, then we moved on to other stuff.

At 09:00 we got the kids out of the pool. Again, I was ready to go, but she asked if we could all go and get a bite to eat. Sooooo, we had dinner as a family at Wendy's.

Finally headed home at about 09:45. It was a quick good-bye to the family. She gave me a kiss on the cheek before I left, (chilean culture is to kiss eachothers cheek when arriving or leaving).

I would appreciate thoughts and opinions from others. Should I view what I have been doing as gradually working, or do I need to change something to possible make her miss me more? Right now, I have not been spying and am acting as a good friend.

Just got back from lunch with the stbxw. We needed to sign more papers for the house, so she had to come down to my office. She asked if I had eaten lunch yet, and if not would I invite her. Yes.

Again, an enjoyable lunch just the two of us. Neighbors had the kids. No R talk this time. I swear, if it wasn't for the divorce, is appears everything is back to normal. Lunch was more enjoyable today than it was right before all of this craziness began over 5 months ago when we were argueing.

Just plugging along.

Rinse & Repeat

Again, yesterday after work I headed over to the house to help the stbxw move furniture into her new apartment. Afterwards put a couple of book shelves together for her that she had bought. Went through the drive up at McDonalds and had dinner. No R talk at all. I just enjoyed being together working together.

Today, stbxw came to my place of work again to sign some more papers for the house. Afterwards we went to our favorite mexican restaurant for lunch. She was tired and a little bit crabby. I was having harder time not talking about R today. I enjoy being with her, but I miss not being with her if you know what I mean.

I guess at this point I should just feel lucky that we are friends. I just need to remain patient, gradually continue to be friends until she is ready to date ME again. If I don't see progress towards that in the next few weeks, I might need to change things up, but for now, I feel like things are slowly progressing. My thoughts of how the progression will go to getting back together is

1. She completely hates me (because alien took over her body)
2. Friendship (close to being accomplished if not already)
3. Dating (Step 2 to step 3 could take awhile)
4. Falling in love (Can't wait)
5. Marriage again (Woo Hoo!!!)

If anyone feels differently about how I am handling things, I would love to receive input.

Just logged in to vent.

AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!

Ok, a little better now. Let me explain my reasoning for screaming.

Again, I arrived at the house around 06:00 to help move more of her furniture to her new apartment. She was in one of THOSE moods. Just b****ing and nagging about everything, yelling at the kids, watch out.

She has tennis elbow (pain in the elbow) and it was hurting her today from packing. We only needed to load up a dresser onto the trailer. She was mad because I had not called anyone for help, that I was making her help move the furniture. I am thinking to myself, I am helping you, this is your furniture, I've already taken all of my stuff. I remained very calm, I was so proud of myself.

We packed up some clothes and smaller things, then it was time to go. One of my sons friends climbed into my truck to come along. I said no, because I wanted to enjoy the time with the kids. They completely ignore me when they are with their friends.

She blew up like Mount Killimanjaro!!! We were out in front of the house. She started yelling at me that I had not changed, I was to egotistical to do something for the kids, that I was usurping her authority as a parent because she had already said yes, (I did not know this).

I did not loose my patience, nor did I yell, I just said that when she was in a better mood, I would help her move, and I began to unhich the trailer. I guess I could have been a little bit more patient, I just felt like this night was not going to be a good night.

She then ordered the kids out of my truck and to get into her suv. S10 asked why, my stbxw said that it was because I did not want to be around them. That went to far for me. I stated that that was not true, I just did not want his friend to come. While I was talking she tells him that his father is a Liar. The whole time she is acting hysterical.

I asked her if we go inside and calmly talk about this, that it was not good to fight in fron of the children. She stated that she no longer had to put up with my crap, and continued to get into the car to drive away. I repeatedly asked, can we talk about this, I am willing to still help out. She drove off, looking at me with those eyes of absolute hatred. So much for the friendship thing.

I tried calling her twice on her cell. Obviously she did not answer, so I drove home, and here I am. I am so mad, but I can't let this get to me. Knowing her, she will call tomorrow to apologize, but this always happened during our marriage. It was later in our marriage that I lost patience and started yelling back at her.

I need to stay away from her for awhile, my mind is not thinking clearly now. I am so angry.

Look at it this way-you held your cool. Even though she was clearly trying to push your buttons you didn't budge. This is a very good thing!

I know you said you have a hard time saying no to her, but I think it is important to maybe go dim or even dark for a few days.
Let her know that you will not tolerate being spoken to that way, especially in front of your kids.

Hey SLC

Sorry to hear about the trouble. I agree with dg... Go dark for a few days to collect your thoughts it will give her time to think what's going on with him. After a few days let her get in touch with you... This is doing a 180 for you.. Monitor the results...

Thanks DG & Johnnie,

The only problem is we have to be out of the house by the 20th. I will make her take the next step in calling me. She used to always blow up from time to time. I believe she will call tomorrow saying sorry. I will let you know.

Again, thanks for the support, I needed it. I feel a little better now.

Just remember, do do something deferent... Right... 180

Having a bad day today.

I don't know about you, but I hate this rollercoaster of emotions. I am feeling disappointed with myself. What happened to my marriage, my family. How the hell did all of this happen, and why? What happened to the love that my W had towards me, and how can it have vanished? How do I move on, how will I trust another woman again?

Here I am at work, with the door closed crying. I just feel like going back to my apartment, I orginally wrote home but I do not have a home, crawl back into bed, pull the covers over my head, and just sleep and cry.

Bad day.