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Hi there,

I don't know if the same happens with you, but for me mornings are the worst part of the day since I've separated 7 weeks ago.

I don't sleep well for a long time, can barely sleep more than 4 or 5 hours each night. I wake-up in the middle of the night and then just toss and turn for a few hours.

It's really hard to get out of bed, I feel sick, down, sad and fearful. I regret past and just wish I could go back in time to fix things.

But progressively, during the day, things start to get better. My minds starts to clear, sickness goes away and sadness is tamed. Typically, at around 6pm I'm feeling fine, thinking about my wife doesn't make me deeply sad and usually I managed to get a full dinner.

Does the same happen to you? Does any of you have hints to sleep well and fight this morning mood?

Thank you!

LR,
I think that's very common, I know I've felt that way a lot.

One thing you might want to look into is possible depression. Some of the things you've described are symptoms, and going through everything you are *can* bring about situational depression. Just one thought.

Obviously, getting a good night sleep helps immensely. There are over the counter aids such as melatonin and for occasional use I've found diphenhydramine (benadryl) helpful (but it makes me groggy most of the next morning).

Take good care of yourself, it *will* get better!

For me, it's almost the reverse: in the morning, I have so much to look forward to: a good day at work, seeing people, having fun. And then I come home to the house we picked out, which was too big for two people to begin with, much less one lonely guy. I'll often get home, change out of work clothes, and have a little cry.

I'll survive, and I know it--and my house, after my sister and parents have helped me make it really beautiful--well, I'm looking forward to showing it off to someone new after I recover. But right now it's just so phenomenally lonely.

Thank you LearningPatience, I tried mild sleeping pills, and they do relax me before going to be and help me fall asleep faster, but they don't fix the waking-up in the middle of the night. I guess I'll have to try something stronger...

hoswald, fortunately I don't have that problem, has I left the house and am currently renting a room. But I do understand what you mean. Memories of places and situations are also very painful to me, and the tears do come to my eyes.

Suffering like this isn't good. This is something so common in Human evolution, we should have already found better ways to deal with it!

Cheers.

Lonely,

I completely relate to how you are feeling. Mornings were extremely hard for me also, and I felt the same way as you do now.
It got to the point where I was taking benadryl and tylenol pm just to be able to sleep at night.

I do not recommend this at ALL.

Mornings were hard, but I promise you it will get easier with time. I've been separated for over 5 months now and while I still think about my H first thing, I am able to get out of bed and go about my day.

If you are the praying type, I would suggest praying before getting out of bed. I do that every day and it helps me.

You are most definitely not alone.

Thank you DeliquentGurl.

It's 15:20 here and I'm starting to feel better. I'm starting to feel hungry and my mind is clearing-up.

Do you have a feeling of your life being in a limbo? Of your existence being an appendix of you loved one's existence?

I feel like that. And it's probably that that is making me wake-up like that. Because while I'm at sleep I'm probably dreaming that everything is fine, and when I wake-up reality hits me in the face: "I'm alone in a different place", "my wife doesn't love me", "my mother has a cancer", "I'll be alone for the rest of my life", "I'll lose the two most important persons of my life", etc..

All those thoughts hit me in a matter of seconds. And I just hits the dark hole for a while.

Cheers.

Lonely:

I did have some of that in the morning, particularly since... while she was still here, mornings were the little windows of time where she would still smile at me, just wake up and smile sleepily like everything was still fine. And so waking up is just hard.

I have certainly felt like life has been in limbo, like my existence is in jeopardy. I've identified myself as my wife's husband for almost half my lifetime, and I'm 40. My entire identity is in flux.

There's no magic bullet. It'll just get better. Best thing you can do is, as others will say, get a life--your own life. The more you do, the more "you" your life becomes. It is REALLY HARD to force yourself to do anything besides collapse--trust me, I know, I really do. But it helps.

15:20, eh? UK, I surmise from the "cheers"? Miss England myself--it was coming back from there that seemed to trigger my wife's implosion. Those were good days.

Mornings are hardest for me. They've gotten easier, but they're still no picnic.

Night is hard for me.
I don't want to go to my empty room, empty bed to sleep alone.
So I stay up often until 2 or 3 avoiding it.

Another thing that causes me distress is when I see a date before the day my wife and I separated. It really catches my attention, makes me anxious and a bit sad. I just wish I could travel back to that date and make things different.

Does the same happen to you?